The 4-Gift Rule at Christmas

How many gifts to give a child for Christmas or other special occasions? Where is the limit?

At Christmas, the custom of giving gifts to the youngest members of the household has become both a tradition and, at times, a form of social pressure towards consumerism. In this article we will focus on how the so-called 4-gift rule helps us to deal with this phenomenon..

Does consumerism equal happiness?

It is undeniable that we live in a time where consumerism plays a central role in the system of organization of the current society. It is an era in which the different mass media are overwhelming us with advertising and messages that induce us to think that the fact of possessing more and more products, even if they are unnecessary, is going to contribute to our own well-being.

Nothing could be further from the truth; research that experts in the study of happiness such as Martin Seligman have conducted so far indicates that there are three main factors that contribute to a general feeling of happiness and personal satisfaction.:

On the one hand, there is the enjoyment linked to the experiences lived with the people around us, which causes an increase in the most pleasant emotions such as joy, calm, illusion (for example, traveling, listening to music, playing sports, etc.).

On the other hand, the pleasure derived from doing those activities that are particularly satisfying and that reduce the level of anxiety. and which decrease the level of anxiety (such as taking dance classes, painting, writing, etc.).

Finally, we find the positive feelings derived from putting into practice those personal values that favor the achievement of social goals at a macro level, such as generosity, honesty, integrity, etc.

It can thus be seen that the values defended by capitalism do not seem to have much to do with these three aspects mentioned. Capitalism is rather positioned to promote attitudes such as competitiveness, honesty and integrity. attitudes such as competitiveness, individuality or the primacy of the material, so that a spirit of competition is created.The latter phenomena, which are diametrically opposed to Seligman's statements, create an addictive spiral towards these last phenomena.

Christmas gifts: the rule of the 4 gifts.

All of the above seems to have a special relevance at Christmas time.This celebration is closely linked to shopping and gifts. For this reason, and with the aim of rescuing a less consumerist, more supportive, sustainable and generous spirit, many experts in child psychology remind us year after year how interesting and pedagogical it can be to apply the so-called "4 gifts rule" in the presents that adults give to the little ones at home.

This practice makes it possible, on the one hand, considerably reduce the volume of gifts that children receive, which makes it a good exercise.This is a good exercise to learn to value more consciously the effort involved both in making the gift and in deserving it. On the other hand, the four gifts rule implies reformulating the type of gifts to be selected, giving a pedagogical meaning to each one of them. Thus, it is not a matter of agreeing to the four presents requested (or imposed) by the child, but these must conform to the following premises:

1. Practicality

Something that he/she can wear and that is useful, such as an article of clothing or an accessory.

2. Necessary

Something you really needsuch as an item you use for school or extracurricular activities.

3. What is wanted

Something you want, as long as it is appropriate for the child's age. In this case, it is advisable to ask the child to make two or three proposals and the adult chooses the one that best fits the family circumstances. An important note may be to consider the behavior and effort (and not exclusively the final academic grades) of the child both at school and in the family and social environment.

4. What educates

Books and/or educational and shared family experiences, such as a cultural excursion, a visit to a museum, etc. As far as books are concerned, it seems positive that they are the ones who have priority in deciding which title to choose, in order to increase the child's receptivity to this type of gift.The child's receptiveness to this type of gift is increased.

The syndrome of the over-gifted child

Following the above principles, it is promoted to combat the so-called "syndrome of the over-gifted child", which is defined by a set of attitudes and harmful emotional consequences that can develop in children who receive an excess of gifts. children who receive an excess of gifts.

When the illusion and the value given to the gift is diminished, it favors the appearance of capricious and selfish behaviors; overstimulation is promoted when faced with so many gifts that cannot be attended to (which causes the child to end up using a very small percentage of the total number of presents) in addition to the negative implications in the medium and long term that overstimulation entails in the child, interfering in the attentional and concentration capacity; finally, it increases the low ability to tolerate frustration, since the child is denied the possibility of doing emotional work that allows him/her to accept to assume in an adaptive way that sometimes, desires or expectations may not be fulfilled.

By way of conclusion

As we have seen, it seems essential to carry out a process of reflection and awareness at this time of the year when some practices are socially encouraged that can have a detrimental effect on the ethical and educational values that adults pass on to their offspring. In this sense, the rule of the four gifts has a significant number of psychological and pedagogical benefits in its application, both for the elderly and for children.for both the elderly and the youngest children.

Bibliographical references:

• Seligman, M. E. P. (2017) La autentica felicidad. Ediciones B: Barcelona.