The 4 reasons why it hurts so much when we are heartbroken

When we suffer a heartbreak in love, several psychological processes are triggered.

Love may be one of the greatest sources of happiness that human beings can enjoy, but it is also true that, under certain circumstances, it can lead to nightmarish situations. Deep down, any aspect of our lives that leads us to feel attachment is a potential vulnerability. And, when we love someone, that attachment becomes so strong that much of the love relationship that can arise from that becomes one of our most important projects, so that if something happens to that bond, everything around us falters.

These kinds of emotional impacts are so strong that they are not alleviated even in cases where we are broken. not even in cases where we are heartbroken. In a predictable way: the fact that we feel disenchanted in love and we really see that the other person did not care as much as it seemed at first does not prevent us from continuing to long for that relationship. Why does this happen?

What happens when we are heartbroken

Under the concept of "breaking our heart" are actually occurring several psychological processes that run in parallel but, appearing more or less simultaneously, are perceived as a whole. All of them produce discomfort and are the emotional aftermath of the emptiness that the other person leaves in us.

Thus, the reasons why it hurts when someone breaks our Heart are the following. are the following.

1. The end of shared habits

When someone with whom we share our daily life disappears from our side, not only does she leave, but so do all the routines we associate with that life together. Whether it's going for a walk in the park, going to the movies or playing sports, the fact that a very important part of those experiences is no longer there means that they become habits that no longer mean anything to us. they become habits that mean nothing to us..

That is why, after having gone through an intense love relationship you have to deal with the uncertainty of how to build your life again without the involvement of the other person, which is painful for two reasons: on the one hand, it is a constant reminder that you have been heartbroken, and on the other hand, having to decide how to start over is something that causes stress.

2. Intrusive thoughts appear

There is no greater myth than the belief that thoughts, because they are higher psychological processes (therefore theoretically removed from "the instincts") are something we control. In reality, anyone who has gone through a highly stressful or traumatic experience knows that this is not true.

Thoughts related to those memories that have emotionally scarred us in the past often come and go without warning, regardless of our willpower. It is something that is beyond the intentions with which we decide to face the day; they simply emerge within our consciousness and, once there, it is almost impossible to ignore them: they act as a magnet on our attentional focus, precisely because they are thoughts that produce emotional pain.

3. Emotional discomfort usually lasts

We must bear in mind that, just as evolution has made us capable of thinking through abstract concepts and of loving based on a sophisticated understanding of the identity of the other person, it has also made us capable of suffering greatly from events that do not involve physical wounds.

What happens when we are heartbroken is the paradigmatic example of this: curiously, it has been seen that what happens in the brains of people who are going through this process is very similar to what happens when the neurobiological mechanisms of physical pain perception are activated. However, unlike what usually happens when we receive damage from cuts or blows, emotional problems can last for a long time, emotional problems can last much longer.. As a consequence, the wear and tear is greater.

4. Something similar to withdrawal syndrome

When a person accustomed to the consumption of a drug stops using that substance, his or her nervous system goes into crisis, because due to dependence it had adjusted to abnormal levels of chemicals between neurons, creating a kind of false biochemical balance in the organism.

In a similar way, when someone breaks our heart we have to adapt to a world in which something we took for granted is no longer there: the love and affection of someone in particular.. Specifically, they go out to reduce the effects of the absence of those moments together that we once enjoyed.