The 6 uncomfortable truths about a relationship breakup

When a relationship ends, many things go through our minds.

The love as a couple is one of the most beautiful sensations a human being can enjoy, and knowing that someone is with you in good times and bad is one of those things worth living for.

In our article "The chemistry of love: a very potent drug", we explain you how falling in love can make you feel on a high, make you suffer a low or make you feel like the monkey for someone. That love is like a drug is absolutely true, and it has some really curious side effects.

But love also ends...

But when love ends, the couple breaks up, and the person with whom we had shared so many good moments leaves our life, the consequences of addiction to their caresses, kisses, smiles, etc., are so strong that they can cause serious depressive and obsessive behaviors. depressive and obsessive behaviors.

There are many reasons why a couple can break up: infidelity, loss of interest in each other, lack of communication... and it is difficult to learn to live without that special someone, because the emotional memory of the couple is not always the same. emotional memory reminds us over and over again, those songs, those corners, those trips, those crazy things, etc.

How to deal with a breakup?

Going through a breakup is not easy, but with time you can get over it.. The first step to move on is to accept that the relationship is over.

Here are the six uncomfortable truths the six uncomfortable truths about breaking up with a partnerWe have all (or almost all) of us have suffered for someone at one time or another.

1. The lack of love is not linear

The lack of love is not linear, but there are ups and downs, so it is one of the situations that can cause more contradiction in oneself, especially in the early stages of the breakup. Despite the fact that falling out of love follows a series of phases, one is always exposed to reliving those moments of the past..

The psychologist and researcher at the Faculty of Psychology of the UNAM, Rozzana Sanchez Aragon explains the following:

"The process of mourning in love is more complicated than the one faced when a loved one dies, because in the mourning of death, thanks to reasoning, there is a linear process of knowing that a relationship ended, while **in the love breakup there is a cyclical process because there is always the possibility of having contact with the former partner again **This can stop the progress made in seeking to overcome the relationship and revives the emotions, both positive and negative, which make it more difficult and painful.

This does not mean that it is not possible to overcome the lack of love, because the neural circuits that are activated during falling in love, eventually weaken. But the old love can reactivate them in some situations.For this reason, psychologists recommend the "all or nothing" approach, that is, not to maintain contact with the person we have been in love with, at least for a period of time. This time may be longer or shorter depending on the intensity of the feeling and other aspects such as the individual's self-esteem.

Unlike the loss of another loved one, in couple relationships emotional play and feelings of guilt, hatred, inferiority, etc., are experienced.feelings of guilt, hatred, inferiority, etc., which can disturb the emotional stability of the person.

2. It is usually a difficult decision to make.

Since falling out of love is not linear and emotions have a lot of weight when making the decision to leave a partner, imposing reason against the intensity of the feelings that are experienced is very complicated. In addition, as mentioned in the previous point, self-esteem plays an important role, and it is quite often the case that many people, even after having been very clear about the end of the relationship, have subsequently regretted it..

Working on self-improvement and self-development, and learning to love oneself as one is, is the best way to move forward with the new situation.

3. It hurts... and a lot!

The person who leaves the relationship may, on many occasions, suffer less. But the person who is dumped often feels more intense and longer-lasting pain because he or she does not understand the causes of the break-up, and may perceive the break-up as a "break-up".and may perceive the breakup as a personal failure, negatively affecting his or her well-being.

For Sánchez Aragón the pain felt after a love breakup can be even worse than that of the death of a loved one.. After conducting a study in which emotions, thoughts and behaviors after a breakup were analyzed, he concluded:

"When one suffers the loss of someone with high affective value, and the reason is death, one lives the mourning and it may take time, but one knows that there is no possibility of seeing her again and in that way the reasoning allows us to understand that there is no return.

It is different in the romantic case because here we have the possibility of seeing the person again and perhaps finding him/her with another partner; this can create a difficult situation to overcome, since one feels that he/she is pseudo-adapting to life and returns to a part of his/her life that causes intense pain".

4. Mutual friends may be lost

Breakups are very painful and can have negative effects in different areas of our lives if they are not overcome in a positive way. In fact, breakups can lead to an existential crisis that may even be necessary to grow emotionally. But when the negative emotions (anger, rage, etc.) caused by the breakup are not well managed, the person can enter into a negative spiral that will affect the way he/she relates to people close to the couple, since they will remind him/her of the "ex" and can accentuate the obsession.

As we mentioned in the previous lines, the "all or nothing" is necessary to let the time pass and the closest friends can also suffer from it, since they are a direct way of information about the "ex" and can accentuate the obsession.They are a direct source of information about what the other person is doing. On other occasions, it is the close friends who can end up being fed up, as they are often called upon to sympathize and take our side.

5. You will feel lonely (at least for a while).

When you break up with someone, the daily routine and sharing a large part of your life with that person will change.. The habituation to his or her affection and letting go of those intimate moments is usually the hardest thing to overcome. In fact, thinking that the good times you shared will be shared with someone else can cause jealousy and complicate the subsequent relationship (at least cordial) with your "ex".

Many people do not know how to be alone and seek to fill the emptiness they feel with someone else, without stopping to correct their own errors or strengthen their self-esteem, affected after the breakup. As time goes by, these moments of loneliness are overcome, but it is necessary to stop for a while to find oneself, otherwise the following relationships may suffer.

6. It is possible to be happy in love again

Although at the moment of breaking up it may seem that the one who has been your partner until now is the only person with whom you are going to be really happy, that little voice is only your emotional dependence that is lying to you. In reality, time heals everything, and distance can be our ally if we want to recover the best version of ourselves.

Human beings can adapt to a multitude of situations, and we can be resilient. When the relationship ends you may experience the worst moment of your life, and you may feel sad and depressed. Fortunately, in time you will feel better and open your Heart to another special person..