The 7 keys to a healthy couple relationship
Communication, respect, freedom, trust... crucial points to be happy with your partner.
Sometimes it seems that relationships are a lot of work and become horribly complicated. But if we stop to think about it, we realize that having a healthy relationship is very simple as long as both partners are able to put aside their own insecurities and bad experiences from the past.
It is in couple relationships where affective deficiencies are most evident. affective deficiencies and irrational irrational beliefs that each person has acquired throughout his or her life history. Inadequate patterns learned in childhood are replicated and people often act through a biased way of seeing the world.
A culture that does not promote healthy loving relationships
From my point of view, the society we live in is not exactly conducive to healthy relationships.. The songs, the movies of Disney moviesand romantic novels show us a conception of love that is not real and favor a series of beliefs about relationships that do not help them to be maintained over time. relationships that do not help them to be maintained over time in a satisfactory way. in a satisfactory way.
In this article I want to talk about the keys to have a healthy couple relationshipThe keys for two people, each with their own personality, their own experiences and their own way of seeing life, to be able to contribute something to each other for a long time (sometimes a lifetime).
What are the 7 keys to maintaining a healthy relationship?
If I had to say just one indicator of whether a relationship should continue, it would be: Does your relationship add to you or subtract from you? Does it help you to be better and develop as a person, or on the contrary, does it limit you and is it a source of discomfort rather than positive emotions?
1. Always love from freedom
To love from freedommeans to be clear that the other does not belong to youThe other is a person who freely decides to maintain a relationship with you and therefore at any time is free to leave. To love from freedom means to accept that the other has the right to make the decisions he/she wants, and to choose what he/she wants to do with his/her life.
It means that everyone should have their own private space, their own intimacy.. Loving from freedom means that we want to share our life with the other, but we don't need to. It means to accept that we are two different people and not a pack two in one, it means leaving our insecurities aside and getting the other to be with us because he/she wants to be with us and not through manipulations that prevent him/her from finding someone better. It means that our partner knows thousands of people but still prefers us.
2. Learn to communicate
A good communication is one of the basic pillars of the couple, since dialogue is what allows us to create a project of life in commonIt is very important to negotiate, give in and reach agreements.
Adequate communication can turn discussions into something constructive and unite the couple more and more, instead of separating them and creating resentment. In addition, reserving a daily space to talk with our partner about anything is an excellent habit that will help to strengthen and maintain a satisfactory relationship.
The area in which inadequate communication is most problematic is in the area of discussions. discussions. We can learn to discuss in a constructive way, in which we contribute our point of view with respect and explain how we are feeling, without the need to enter into a vicious circle of reproaches and accusations. vicious circle of reproaches and accusations, in which the in which we will most likely end up arguing about something that happened years ago, leaving aside the issue that started the discussion.
Here are some guidelines to learn how to discuss in a constructive way:
- Discuss only one topic at a time.
- Talk about how you feel, don't accuse the other person.
- Avoid generalizations (always, never, everything, nothing) and talk about a concrete fact.
- Use a friendly tone and avoid discussing an issue when your level of anger is too high.
- Ask for what you want, make the change concrete (e.g.: I would like the next time we go to my mother's house before lunch and not in the middle of the afternoon).
- Don't get into reproaches from the other person and ignore if he/she attacks you or changes the subject (e.g.: We can talk about that subject if you want another time, now I'm trying to tell you that...).
- End the criticism with something good (e.g.: I appreciate you listening to me and I hope this issue will be solved because I love being good with you).
- Practice assertive communication.
I know that doing this is really complicated, and that sometimes what you feel like sometimes what you feel like doing is yelling at your partner and throwing objects all over the houseBut I assure you that if you take a deep breath, wait for your activation level to go down and use these guidelines, you will get much better results.
3. Learn to think green
Each person has had different experiences and a different prior learning history so they have a different personality and see the world differently than you do. see the world in a different way than you do..
If you put on a pair of blue glasses and I ask you what color you see the world, you will answer blue, won't you? And surely, no matter how hard I try to show you that it is yellow, and that you are not seeing it in the right way, it will be impossible for you to prove me right, since your world is really blue.
Our learning history makes us see the world in one color or another, and for us the world will simply be that color because we see it that way. The problem is when for one partner the world is blue and for the other it is yellow, this is the time to think green.
You don't always have to agree with what your partner thinks, I think we get too hung up on being right, when the ultimate goal is to solve the conflict.
When you detect that you both have completely different points of view, instead of continuing to argue about being right and getting your own way, consider intermediate solutions in which both points of view are included, come up with compromise solutions that include both points of view.. Neither blue nor yellow, Green!
4. Share quality time with your partner
Share quality time with your partner with your partner is a key element so that the relationship does not end up in a routine. I understand that sometimes we get to have a very busy life and practically live it on autopilot without realizing what is happening around us, but setting aside some time to share with your partner should be among your priorities if your goal is to maintain a healthy relationship.
Going out for dinner one day, a weekend getaway, your favorite movie with popcorn, etc...
5. Never stop taking care of the relationship
At the beginning of a relationship we tend to show our best side to the other, we are detail-oriented, we give compliments, etc... However, as time goes by these gestures tend to diminish. However, as time goes by these gestures tend to diminish until sometimes they disappear. Relationships are like plants, if you don't water them, they die. So if you want to keep your relationship fresh and colorful never stop watering it.
Something as simple as telling each other how handsome you look todaygiving him/her flowers, inviting him/her to dinner, taking him/her to the place where you met, etc... can keep the relationship in an excellent state for a long time.
6. When you want the other person to change, change yourself.
I think we spend too much time trying to change people, most of the time without getting any result. People only change when they want to change, or when their environment changes.
Therefore, if we want our partner to change, the best thing we can do is to change ourselves.
If we want him to stop going out so much with his friends, it would probably work better to thank him on the days he stays with you all afternoon than to reproach him every time he goes out, if we want him to be more affectionate, how about if we start showing him more affectionate gestures ourselves?
7. Respect and trust
Without respect and trust there is no possibility of a healthy couple. To love is to respect and trustAnd without respect and trust there is simply no love.
Relationships based on jealousy and disrespect are destined to fail. Not to mention the cases of infidelity in marriage.
Concluding
In summary, although we could add some more points, from my point of view these are the seven key points so that a couple relationship can work in the long term and be satisfactory for both members of the couple.
(Updated at Apr 13 / 2024)