The 8 benefits of assertiveness: what are they?

We talk about the advantages of this communication habit and how they influence life.

Assertiveness is a communication strategy that allows us to defend our rights and express our opinion freely and clearly with respect for ourselves and others. However... how is it useful to us, exactly, in our day to day?

Learning to say "no

The assertive person knows how to say "no" and is able to show their opinions and positions in a clear way (e.g., expressing a reasoned (e.g., by expressing reasoning in order to justify an idea, a feeling or a request). The assertive person expresses understanding for the views, feelings and demands of others. He/she knows his/her own rights and defends them by trying not to go "to win" but to reach an agreement.

His speech is fluent and confident. Maintains direct (non-challenging) eye contact (without being defiant) and a relaxed body posture. In addition, he/she has the ability to disagree openly, shaping his/her own tastes and interests, asking for clarification and saying "no" when necessary. The feelings that are frequently associated with the assertive person respond to a good self-esteem, a sense of emotional control and a high satisfaction in personal relationships.

What characterizes the passive communicative style?

The passive person shows little ambition, few desires and principles. They defend others but do not defend their own personal interests.. The behavior we usually observe is characterized by a low tone of voice, not very fluent speech and avoidance of eye contact.

The submissive person denotes a significant insecurity about his own speech ("what I can say is not important") and his figure in relation to others ("I do not participate so as not to disturb"), while at the same time he frequently complains to third parties ("this person does not understand me"). The most recurrent feelings of the passive person are related to helplessness, guilt, frustration, and low self-esteem.

And what characterizes the aggressive communicative style?

The aggressive person overly defends personal rights and interests without regard for those of others. without taking into account the rights and interests of others (sometimes, he/she does not take them into account, sometimes, he/she lacks the skills to cope with certain situations). The behavior we often observe from this communicative style is a high tone of voice, blunt speech, a fast and hasty pace of conversation, challenging eye contact, and a clear tendency to counterattack.

Some of the thoughts that the aggressive person may present are: "what you think does not matter to me, only I matter", "I don't make mistakes", "people should be like me", etc. Increased anxiety, loneliness, guilt, feeling of lack of control, frustration and low self-esteem are feelings that are closely linked.

What can cause a lack of assertiveness?

There are four main causes for which a person may present assertiveness problems.:

The first cause is observed when the person has not learned to be assertive or has done it in an inadequate way. The behaviors or skills to be assertive are learned; they are habits or patterns of behavior. There is no innate assertive or non-assertive personality.

Assertive behavior is learned by imitation and reinforcement (parents, grandparents, tutors and friends are some models). In the learning of a non-assertive person, there may have been a systematic punishment of assertive behaviors. systematic punishment of assertive behaviors, lack of reinforcement of assertive behaviors, orIn the learning of a non-assertive person, there may have been a systematic punishment of assertive behaviors, a lack of reinforcement of these behaviors, or the reinforcement of passive or aggressive behaviors may have been greater (for example, in the case of a passive person who, thanks to fragility, has received extra attention).

The second cause appears when the person knows the appropriate behavior but anxiety prevents him/her from performing it. anxiety prevents him/her from carrying it out. In this case there is an association with a highly unpleasant and traumatic experience/s that may have limited or blocked the assertive response.

The third cause is one in which the person does not know or rejects his or her rights (for example, as a result of an education that has made the individual submissive).

And finally, the fourth cause is when the person possesses irrational thought patterns. (specific mental schemas and associated beliefs) that prevent him from acting assertively.

Is it related to self-love?

Being assertive helps us to be treated with respect and dignity, to express our own feelings and opinions, to be listened to, to know how to say no without feeling guilty, to make requests, to be independent, to enjoy and enjoy ourselves, to feel relaxed and to dedicate some time for ourselves.

Poor assertive communication can lead to interpersonal conflicts, frustration, feelings of guilt, low self-esteem, tension, loneliness, and loss of control. With an assertive communication style one solves problems more easily, feels more relaxed, more at ease with oneself, satisfied, and thus more easily gets what one wants without generating conflict.

Can we train this habit?

Of course. Let's remember that we are not born assertive, assertive behavior is learned. A good way to start being assertive is to use the following phrases when starting a conversation:

• I think...
• My opinion is...
• I would like to...

The goal is to to elaborate a discourse and offer you space when interacting with others in order to allow and allow yourself to be heard. in order to allow and allow yourself to be heard.

The benefits of assertiveness

Being an assertive person has a number of benefits. They are the following:

• Assertiveness allows us to have a greater sense of control over our environment and ourselves..
• Having control over oneself and setting limits improves self-esteem.
• Assertiveness does not seek conflict, but is based on efficient communication and, therefore, empowers the person.
• It improves well-being and life satisfaction and helps to live more rewarding situations and experiences.
• Improves communication between the actors in a relationship.
• Causes an improvement in interpersonal relationships which is the result of better communication, honesty and sincerity.
• Improves self-knowledge and emotional management.
• It allows conflict resolution and prevents problems from being magnified as a result of not expressing one's own needs and emotions.