The 8 steps to surviving an awkward conversation

A few tips for successfully dealing with an awkward interaction.

Whether you're thinking about telling your co-worker about your personal hygiene issue, or you're faced with a dramatic situation where someone needs you to comfort them because something serious has happened, you're likely to feel compelled to remain silent, you're likely to feel compelled to remain silent.. 

It's only natural, since these types of conversations are often really uncomfortable..

How do you deal with an uncomfortable interaction?

When there is a topic that is unavoidable to duck out of and we are not able to articulate a speech towards that person, the discomfort and ambient tension may increase.

Once you are determined to deal with the situation, don't forget these tips that will help you make sure the pending conversation doesn't turn into a bad pill to swallow..

1. Avoid silences

Research reveals that, after only four seconds of awkward silence, our anxiety levels skyrocket.. In addition, the more anxious you feel, the harder it will be to articulate your words.

To avoid this you should, as far as possible, plan the interaction a little ahead of time.. If you know what you want to communicate, your message will be clear and crisp and you will save yourself the discomfort of a choppy conversation and the dreaded silences.

2. Talk in an intimate place

It is not a good idea to have a relevant conversation in a crowded place with distractions (people nearby, noises...). Look for a private place where you can feel relaxed and where there are no people who can hear you or intrude.

If it is the other person who starts talking about the uncomfortable topic before you do, suggest finding a comfortable place to discuss it in confidence and without outside interference.

3. Take a seat

When we have to talk about an uncomfortable subject, it is a good idea to be resting on a sofa or chair.. We will feel more comfortable, especially if the subject is thorny or may cause an important emotional shock.

This is an aspect that we discussed in the post: "How to give bad news? 12 emotional keys".

When you sit next to (or in front of) the other person, try to be on the same level. If you stand and the other person is sitting, you will give an image of superiority that can be very negative for the good of the interaction.

4. Start with a gentle touch

Tough conversations can be just as incisive but better received if you employ an attention grabber beforehand. For example, instead of saying, "Miguel, the other workers can't stand to be around you for more than a minute! you can start with a phrase that softens the context.This nuance gives the other person a few seconds to mentally and emotionally prepare for what you are about to tell him or her.

This nuance gives the other person a few seconds to prepare mentally and emotionally for what you will tell them in a moment.

5. Accept your discomfort as normal.

Trying to deny discomfort can have the opposite of the desired effect. We may become even more uncomfortable with the situation we are facing. If you feel a little shaky, uneasy and unable to maintain eye contact with your interlocutor.... accept that you are a little nervous.

It is highly recommended that, in a situation of this type, you can say a phrase that makes known the discomfort shared with the interlocutor. For example: "I feel a little uncomfortable talking about this". This will make your interlocutor empathize with you and the level of discomfort is likely to decrease..

6. Be polite but also direct

It is essential that you express yourself correctly and try not to be disrespectful. This is basic advice: you must be careful if you want your message to get through.. However, you may run the risk of softening your words to the limit and this may generate a weak message that is not received with the necessary forcefulness by your interlocutor.

Therefore, it is in your best interest to stick to the facts, to use your assertiveness and send a clear message, without too many circumlocutions and going straight to the root of the matter.

7. Practice active listening

Communication is a two-way affair. You must let your interlocutor process the information you have just given him or her, calmly. To be a good listener, it is important that you are receptive when listening to the other person's answerTry to put the matter together and try to resolve some points or misunderstandings.

If what you have just expressed is particularly harsh, you should be prepared for the other person to experience (and express) intense emotions. These can range from embarrassment or sadness, to fear or anger. In any case, you should try to make the person feel that he or she has a support in you, and give him or her time to cope with the situation.

Learn more: "Active listening: the key to communicating with others".

8. Bring the conversation to a clear end

Uncomfortable conversations can also become interminable and overwhelming situations where they can bring up where quarrels or issues from the past can be brought up, leading to an even more uncomfortable and absurd situation that only results in more discomfort and confusion.

To avoid this, you should have prepared in advance a way to close the conversation in a clear and concise way, as well as explicitly and concise, as well as making explicit what you expect to come out of the conversation. This way we will be "closing the situation" and sending a concrete and unambiguous message about the meaning of the interaction. If you want the other person to explain, let them know. If you want the conversation to end without further explanation, also say so.

Bibliographical references:

• Koudenburg, N., et al., Disrupting the flow: How brief silences in group conversations affect social needs, Journal of Experimental Social Psychology (2011), doi:10.1016/j.jesp.2010.12.006.