Unwanted loneliness: what is it and how can we fight it?
A summary with all the keys to understand the feeling of emptiness caused by loneliness.
Unwanted loneliness is a psychological discomfort that affects many people, and that often appears in psychotherapy sessions. Let's see what it consists of.
What is unwanted loneliness?
Unwanted loneliness is the feeling experienced by part of the population in which there is a perception of not having support or someone to count on.
This does not imply that those who experience it have to be physically isolated, but rather that despite being in contact with other people, they do not feel supported by them, which generates clinically significant discomfort and a deterioration in the quality of life. a deterioration in the quality of life.
A person may decide to voluntarily isolate him/herself from the rest of society, but unlike unwanted loneliness, in these cases this isolation is actively sought, and does not generate discomfort.
By itself, unwanted loneliness does not constitute a diagnosis, but there is often comorbidity (occurrence of 2 disorders simultaneously) with other disorders such as depression, anxiety disorders, personality disorders or borderline personality disorder.
What causes it?
It is not a monofactorial cause, it is usually generated as a result of the union of different factors. as a result of the combination of different risk factors that end up leading to this loneliness.
Some of these factors could be social skills problemsIf someone does not know how to relate to others, it will be difficult to generate a social circle in which to feel supported.
Another factor that often stands out is age, since, unfortunately all too often, older people are becoming isolated, older people are becoming isolated from their environment because it is more difficult for them to establish contact with each other. from their environment because it is more difficult for them to establish contact with each other, death of friends and relatives. Changes in their environment, such as going to a nursing home, loss of family visits... all of this leads to the person's social roots becoming weaker and weaker.
Finally, another factor to be taken into account is geographic mobility, since, when changing residence When changing residence, one leaves behind relationships that are often weakened and can be difficult to maintain and, in turn, can be difficult to maintain. and can be difficult to maintain, and at the same time, it is very difficult to establish new relationships.
What are the consequences?
In many occasions it can lead to anxiety problems, depression, self-esteem problems, fear to face social situations, fear of being in a new situation.fear to face social situations? All this can occur to a greater or lesser extent, but what is evident is that it generates a deep frustration and negative feeling that ends up spreading to other areas of the person's life.
In addition to the consequences mentioned above, this loneliness can try to be replaced with behaviors that are harmful to health such as drug use or other addictions, can increase the risk of suicide, criminal and antisocial behaviors.
On the other hand, in recent years it has been observed that there is a relationship between unwanted loneliness and the probability of suffering from Alzheimer's disease.
Who usually suffers from it?
Apart from the elderly What other profiles tend to suffer from unwanted loneliness?
There is no single profile, since, although it is true that we tend to think mainly of the elderly, the whole of society is exposed to this risk. Starting with the youngest children, in whom if they do not have an adequate social education and opportunities to interact with their peers and have reference and attachment figures, they could suffer from unwanted loneliness.
Adolescence is well known as a time of change, and sometimes of detachment from the family to turn to friends. This leads to the risk that if this evolution is not managed well can result in an emptiness not feeling integrated with one or the other.
Moreover, both in adolescence and in adulthood, social networks are a factor of frustration, social networks are a major factor of frustrationWe think that they unite us and avoid loneliness, but they tend to generate superficial relationships and to a large extent promote social comparison. This is because the "best version" is shown and can generate a bias in the person receiving this information, believing that he or she is "less sociable" than his or her environment.
Has it increased in recent years? Why?
This possible perception of loneliness has always existed, but it has increased due to the use of social networks and to the current pace of life that does not allow us to establish such intense social relationships, as stress makes us not to be so social.The truth is that we are going to a very high level of loneliness, since the stress makes that we hardly have time to relate in a meaningful way.
The truth is that we are going to a worrying reality, in which our routine and the exacerbated use of new technologies, the speed at which everything goes ... is preventing us from socializing as we should.
How do new technologies influence the feeling of loneliness?
Although they can have a positive influence, since they allow us to maintain or create relationships, the truth is that new technologies also have a very negative influence, because it seems to us that everyone has many friends to hang out with, we can fall into comparisons and feel very isolated. On the other hand, we have all been in meetings where people look at their cell phones instead of the person in front of them. These acts are isolating us.
How can we combat this emotional isolation?
In any profile, it is important to assess whether there really is a social network, not necessarily very large, and if, despite its existence, the person still feels lonely.
In our clinic Mariva Psicólogos, in Valencia, we make a proper assessment of the experience of each patient, since this feeling of loneliness may be a symptom of some other psychological disorder.. From what is evaluated, we can work on the thoughts and behaviors of people.
For example, if I think that I am alone and that is not real, it will be necessary to see why I think it, what expectations I have, because if I want to have a social plan every day, perhaps I have unrealistic expectations, or if I have no social support network, I can begin to look for activities and train social tools to be able to create it.
On the other hand, if we talk about this loneliness as a symptom of an anxiety disorder, depression, self-esteem problems... it must be treated as a whole in psychological therapy.
How to help?
If we detect that someone in our environment may feel lonely, as in the case of the elderly, we must try to express our affection to them to a greater extent and suggest places to go to where they can socialize. We must remember that we are social beings and if this need is not met, we do not feel well.
(Updated at Apr 13 / 2024)