Why am I unlucky in love? 8 possible causes

Various sources of problems when it comes to finding a partner or having lasting relationships.

Love life and affective relationships have a paradoxical characteristic: although they greatly affect our well-being, they are something over which we have rather little control.

That is why many people ask themselves... why am I unlucky in love? Unrequited love and failures when trying to live a stable relationship can be experienced from a catastrophic perspective, as if we were predestined to unhappiness.

In this article we will see several possible answers to that question, and at the same time we will review several tips and recommendations about what to do both if you are looking for a relationship and if you are in one that is going through its worst moments.

Why am I unlucky in love?

If relationships and marriages are complicated, it is among other things because there are many ways for them to go wrong, or even not to start at all.

Liking someone to the point that a reciprocal love arises and leads to a stable relationship is a process that requires delicate balances. Balances maintained between psychological phenomena that in many occasions are mutually exclusiveSexual desire versus commitment, illusion versus discipline to live together properly, desire to be liked versus honesty, etc.

In any case, if we want to approach this subject we must simplify this kind of problems in order to make them understandable and relatively easy to solve. Therefore, let's divide bad luck in love into two parts: problems in finding a partner and problems in maintaining love relationships.

Problems in finding a partner

Many people who think they are unlucky in love feel that they have a hard time finding a partner. feel that they have a hard time finding a partner. Let's see what this may be due to.

1. Obsession to find someone

No one is obliged to have a partner, even though culturally tradition imposes various expectations related to marriage.

Perhaps, a good part of what makes you think that you are unlucky in love is precisely that this obsession to find someone quickly prevents you from being able to take this process naturally.On the one hand, or that you feel bad for not being interested in anyone, which is completely normal.

2. Distorted expectations

This does not mean simply having too high expectations about what it means to find love. It means, among other things, giving great importance to the idea that there are high and low expectations in love life.

Those who fall in love do so through an experience that completely changes their perspective on life. It is a qualitative change, not a quantitative one, and for it to happen, in many cases, initial prejudices must be overcome..

So, the trick is to meet new people, with all that this implies: to be open to all kinds of people, beyond labels, and to value them for what they really do and are.

3. Communication problems

It's not all about seeking. Someone who wants to attract the attention of another person (romantically), must master basic principles of social skills.

For example, express yourself well, be clear in what you say.not to be too mysterious, etc.

4. Lack of knowledge of social conventions

It is important to be aware that there are certain social conventions that, although they should not govern our personal relationships, they are there.

Having them as a reference is important to to know how others perceive us in the early stages of a conversation (and even before starting them). (and even before initiating them).

For example, unwritten rules about the degree of trust expected in a stranger, about dress codes, etc.

5. Playing the victim

Sometimes, those who think they are unlucky in love get into an infinite loop: they become so pessimistic that they give no reason for others to be interested in them.

Playing the victim as if others owed us attention and affection is a serious mistake.. The Pain we feel may be very real, and it's true that we have no reason to hide it, but that doesn't mean we should constantly make others feel guilty.

And, of course, trying to give pity to generate attraction results in the complete opposite of the desired effect.

Bad luck in love life: dating and marriages

It is also quite possible that bad luck in love is experienced especially when it comes to forming a relationship that lasts and lasts. a relationship that lasts and that consolidates from a healthy cohabitation between the lovers and the couple..

In these cases, the problem is not so much to find a partner (although it can also be) but to make these loving bonds are sustained over time and not only that: to be strengthened as the months and years pass.

In this sense, to understand what is happening, it is necessary to take into account all the aspects that we have seen so farand also the following questions.

1. Lack of possibilities for emancipation

Every love relationship needs time and space in which to develop, and this means that it is very difficult for the emotional bond to be maintained if there is no possibility of living with basic material resources.

For example, if many years go by and in spite of the wishes of both people involved, it is not possible to find an affordable apartment in which to live together, this will wear down the relationship, this will wear down the relationship..

Achieving economic stability is important, and this involves both working efficiently and developing one's talents, as well as doing everything possible to improve society economically.

2. Lack of communication

Communication failures are very frequent in relationships. in couple relationships. For example, assuming that the other person knows what we are talking about when in fact they don't, interpreting certain ambiguous phrases as mockery or accusations, etc.

In this regard, just practice these social skills and talk together about what are the most frequent mistakes you make in this area, assuming a proactive and honest attitude and relying on constructive criticism.

3. Lack of commitment

Having a loving relationship is also a job in which you have to invest time and effort.. It is important to be clear about this, because it would be a mistake to assume that true love is one in which everything flows without the slightest effort.

The simple fact of taking into account the needs and interests of the person we love means that you have to put effort into making the relationship a comfortable context for both of you, not just for you.

If almost everything fails, you can always go to couple's therapy.Although even to resort to this it is necessary that there is a minimum of commitment; for example, if you are maintaining a relationship with a third person outside the courtship or marriage, couple therapy has no future and should not be started.

Bibliographical references:

• Fisher, H. (2004). Why We Love: the nature and chemistry of romantic love. New York: Henry Holt & Co.
• Lewis, T.; Amini, F.; Lannon, R. (2000). A General Theory of Love. Random House.