Why do I hate myself? Causes and solutions

Your inner critical voice can cause you to not value yourself enough.

Have you ever heard the expression "I am my own worst enemy"?? I'm sure you have heard it at least once in your life, and the truth is that it it is a profound reflection.

Some people live a life of great deprivation because of their own feelings of worthlessness and self-hatred.. This causes them to have problems relating to others and to be happy. But what are the causes of these feelings, to what extent do they alter our thoughts, emotions and habits? And, in short, how can psychology help people who hate themselves to improve their self-perception so that this discomfort does not affect them so much?

What is the inner critical voice and why should we silence it forever?

In a study published a few months ago, psychologists Lisa and Robert Firestone found evidence that the most frequent self-critical thought among most people (regardless of their cultural, ethnic or religious backgrounds) was. "I am different from others.". Most people see themselves as different from others, but not in a positive sense, but quite the opposite: in a negative sense.

We all have an "anti-self" that hates the way we are.

In fact, even individuals who have a good social image and seem perfectly adjusted and respected in the social environments they frequent, have strong negative feelings and the feeling that they are showing a false face about themselves.. This is explained by the fact that, according to some experts our identity is split.

Dr. Robert Firestone explains that each person has a "real self".a part of our personality that is based on self-acceptance, as well as an "anti-self", a part of our personality that is based on self-acceptance, as well as an "anti-self". "anti-self, a part of our conscience that rejects our way of being..

The critical voice or "anti-self".

The anti-self is in charge of boycotting us through that critical inner voice that we all, to a greater or lesser extent, have. This critical voice is like a kind of alarm of our self-concept. self-concept which makes negative comments about every moment of our livesIt makes negative comments about every moment of our lives, thus altering our behavior and our self-esteem. It is a specialist in burying our illusions and goals: "Do you really think you'll be able to achieve it? You'll never be able to reach that goal, look at yourself, you're not good enough!". He also takes it upon himself to belittle your past and present accomplishments: "Yeah, well, you got lucky, it wasn't your merit.". In addition, the anti-self is an expert in boycotting our well-being when we are in a relationship: "She doesn't really love you. Why do you think she has so many friends at the college? You shouldn't trust her.".

Learning to ignore the voice that tries to boycott us.

Every person has this critical voice inside, what happens is that some people pay a lot of attention to it, while others have learned to ignore it. About the first ones, the main problem is that when we pay a lot of attention to the critical voice, the criticisms and reproaches it launches are increasingly harsh and constant.. In this way, they end up assuming that, instead of being a voice that represents an enemy to be fought, it is a voice that emanates from our "real self" and they confuse the criticism with the real point of view, accepting without further ado everything it tells us.

Why do I hate myself?

"I hate myself" is a recurring phrase that can send us our inner critical voice. What is the origin of this type of self-destructive thinking?

For psychologists Lisa and Robert Firestone, are thoughts that are generated in the negative experiences of childhood and adolescence.. The way we perceive ourselves in the different stages of childhood and puberty and the judgments of others towards us will shape our identity and, therefore, a better or worse self-concept.

How we are perceived by others decisively affects how we value ourselves.

When we are the object of negative attitudes on the part of our parents or people we hold in high esteem, we internalize these evaluations and judge ourselves, we internalize these evaluations and judgments to shape our self-image.. It seems clear that if receiving positive attitudes from our parents (such as compliments or feeling loved and appreciated) helps us to develop good self-esteem, critical attitudes can promote just the opposite effect. This phenomenon is perfectly explained by the "Pygmalion Effect".

In any case, it is not a question here of holding parents responsible for everything. Raising a child is no easy task, and our parents also have to bear our parents also have to carry negative feelings from their own past.No one is immune to transmitting, even unconsciously, judgments or gestures that are not entirely appropriate, especially in times of tension.

Negativity transmitted from parents to children

If, for example, our parents made us out to be naughty or constantly told us to keep quiet, or even if they simply felt overwhelmed if we were around, we might end up accepting the idea that we really are a nuisance.. One of the possible effects of this perception is that we may end up being shy and withdrawn, or take a submissive attitude in our daily lives and with our interpersonal relationships.

How does the critical voice disturb us in our daily lives?

Our "anti-self" can have an impact on our daily life in several different ways. We can try to adapt to the critical voice by trying to take its criticisms into consideration. When it repeatedly states that we are a disaster as people, we may come to believe it and choose, under that premise, friends and romantic partners who treat us in the same way, as if we were worthless.

It is also possible that if we are constantly told that we are inept, we may develop a total lack of trust in ourselves.We may also develop a total lack of self-esteem that pushes us to make mistakes that make us look really stupid in the end.. It is a self-fulfilling self-fulfilling prophecy. If you keep telling us that we are very unattractive, we may even decline the option of looking for a partner.

Between turning a deaf ear and managing criticism

The moment we listen to our inner critical voice, we give it authority over our thoughts and actions. We may even begin to project these critical thoughts onto the people around us. We are at a real risk that the hatred that the critical voice generates towards ourselves will end up blurring the glasses through which we see the world. At this point we may begin to suffer from some symptoms of paranoid personality disorder, when we begin to question people who perceive us differently than our inner voice does.

We may try to remain oblivious to compliments and positive criticisms, because they contradict the schemas we have built up about ourselves. Even we may inculcate in ourselves the idea that we are not valid enough to have loving relationships..... It is a critical voice that not only attacks us from the outside, but gradually becomes the personality itself, attacking the foundations of personal well-being. Not only is it there all the time, but there comes a time when, for that very reason, we stop perceiving it, because it is already completely integrated in us.

How can I stop hating myself?

There are several tips that can help to manage and try to minimize this hatred towards ourselvesWe can manage to live outside of these limiting beliefs that our inner critic generates in us.

Overcoming our critical voice, our anti-self, is the first step towards liberation from destructive thoughts, but this is not easy since many of these beliefs and attitudes are fully rooted in our being, we have internalized them.

1. Identify the critical voice

This process begins by detecting and starting to lay the foundations to be able to manage this critical voice.. Once we have recognized the sources of these critical thoughts that affect us negatively, we must take into consideration what is true (the thoughts) and what is false.

Sometimes, as we have already mentioned, this identification will require you to dig deep within yourself to recognize the negative traits that you have "inherited" from your parents during your childhood. If you had very demanding parents, for example, you have the responsibility to challenge the demanding habits you have acquired towards others..

2. Rationalize and start being realistic

We must respond to the attacks from our critical self that provoke this self-loathing by taking a calm but realistic and rational view of oneself..

3. Challenge and relativize

Lastly, we must be able to challenge the self-destructive and self-esteem-damaging attitudes that the negative voice pushes us to perform..... When we give up these defense mechanisms that we have been constituting with the adaptation to the Pain you experienced in your childhood, we will try to change some behaviors that emerge from this circumstance.

For example, if you were a very overprotected child and your parents constantly watched over you, you may have developed by seeking to isolate yourself from others for fear that they might interfere in your life.

4. Find your own identity

The last step to change from the thought "I hate myself" a "I like me." involves trying to find your own values, ideas and beliefs with which you feel comfortable and at ease... What is your idea of how to live your life?What is your idea of how to live your life? What are your short, medium and long term goals?

When we free ourselves from our inner critic, we are closer to finding ourselves. We can then begin to have attitudes and perform acts that are a much truer reflection of our needs and desires, which will give much more meaning to our existence.

A road not free of obstacles but well worth the journey

During the journey of trying to stop hating ourselves until we find the path that makes us happy, it is natural to experience some anxiety or a resistance of the critical voice to abandon our recurring thoughts.

However, if one is persistent in challenging the inner critical voice, This will gradually become weaker and we will be able to free ourselves from the feeling of self-hatred.. A crucial step towards a more pleasant and happy life.