10 Keys to a Healthy Parent-Teen Relationship

Tips for a strong and problem-free relationship between parents and teenagers.

Adolescence is a somewhat convulsive stage in the lives of both adolescents and their parents, and this stage of life is often associated with a series of conflicts and disagreements in the family context, typical of daily coexistence.

This is not surprising: in the minds and lifestyles of adolescents there are a series of psychological elements that often generate "tensions": the transition from childhood to adult roles, the search for one's own identity, the shift from focusing on parents to focusing on youth references, the need to feel accepted by the group of adolescents and to have a good time beyond the rules at home?

However, raising and caring for an adolescent son or daughter does not necessarily mean being exposed to a constant source of arguments.

Psychological professionals have spent decades studying the emotional, cognitive and behavioral phenomena that occur in adolescence at both the personal and social levels, and this has allowed us to develop useful strategies to improve the well-being of families and adolescents in particular. And beyond the context of family therapy and child and adolescent therapy (the most useful resources for dealing with problems of coexistence), this has allowed us to extract a series of general principles and recommendations that can be applied in the following areas general principles and recommendations that can be applied at home by anyone with adolescent children..

What are the main keys to a healthy relationship between parents and adolescent children?

In order to learn how to treat the adolescent and build a positive relationship at all levels, as parents we must put into practice a series of behavioral guidelines, specific educational tips and modalities whose purpose is not to repress or systematically punish anything that goes beyond the "shoulds".. Here you will find them summarized.

1. Establishing a constant flow of communication

Almost any social relationship works positively when there is good communication between both parties, and in case of having a teenager we must pay special attention to adapt to their concerns and worries without assuming that we know them just because we are their parents.

Of course, if we make him fear punishment or reprimands if he says what is happening to him, it will be impossible to understand the reason for his behavior, it will be impossible to understand the reason for his behaviors and we will be giving a blind eye to what is going on.. Therefore, speaking openly and honestly is the basic ingredient on which any parenting model must be based in order to be effective; everything else comes after.

Effective communication is based on the application of a series of essential communication skills, including active listening, empathy, eye contact, negotiating skills, assertiveness and the use of humor.

Likewise, even if the adolescent does not communicate with us, we must also approach him and ask him questions. We should also approach them and ask them about their condition whenever we think something might happen to them or simply to check that everything is working properly.. But these conversations should not be conducted as interrogations: we also have to contribute something, not just ask questions (teenagers value privacy more than young children).

2. Respect their freedom

Adolescence is a stage in which the person needs to build his personality and begins to demand a series of freedoms of his own begins to demand a series of freedoms of their own to carry out activities appropriate to their age that they did not do in the previous stage..

These new activities can be going out with friends, going to concerts or arriving home later, and in each of them, the adolescent needs to know that his parents trust him and grant him this new freedom that he needs so much if he does not show signs that he is not ready to attend these events or that he is not able to behave in an appropriate manner. The limits always have to be properly explained by giving examples of concrete behaviors on their part, but without using them as reproaches or personal attacks.

3. Respect their opinion

Any person values positively that his opinion is respected, and this is even more important during adulthood, a time when self-esteem is more fragile and the adolescent needs positive external appraisal to develop his or her personality..

Although we may not agree with many of our adolescent's ideas, it is necessary to show respect at all times and make him/her see that his/her opinion is taken into account. In the same way, it is essential not to invalidate their emotions so that they can express their discomfort when necessary and feel that this is useful to receive help or support.

4. Privacy

Privacy is another of the essential demands that are the order of the day during adolescence and is one of the indispensable requirements for the correct functioning of any social relationship.

Ensuring that adolescents have their own space, such as their room, and not invading it excessively, is one of the best ways to respect their privacy during this stage of development.is one of the best ways to respect their privacy during this stage of development.

5. Sharing time together

Psychologists and adolescent specialists also recommend that in order to build positive relationships with adolescents it is of great importance to sharing time together on a regular basis.

This can be done by scheduling a mutually satisfactory plan together, setting aside some time during the week to spend together, or by taking an interest in their hobbies and participating in them whenever possible.

6. Treat him/her with respect

Teenagers constantly feel the need to be treated as adults and to start living according to the demands, responsibilities and advantages of adulthood.

That is why, in addition to starting to demand new obligations, it is also necessary to show that we take their way of life seriously. that we take their way of thinking and making decisions seriously. and decision making, and that it may even be helpful for us to have their participation in many activities.

7. Offer support at all times

As mentioned above, active listening is essential for a good relationship with the adolescent, whether they want to share something with their parents or whether it is difficult for them to do so..

If there is a problem that needs to be reported to us, it is important to make them understand that they have our full support, our respect and that they will not be judged no matter what.

8. Do not overprotect

Some parents tend to overprotect their children from early childhood, an educational model that is not advisable at any stage of development, including adolescence.

We must be able to let our adolescent child be free to make his or her own mistakes. so that he/she can make mistakes and thus learn from them throughout their growth.

9. Negotiate

As it happens in any other stage of the upbringing, during the adolescence it turns out to be of great importance to to establish rules and norms of behavior so that the person acquires a series of values and essential guidelines for the development of the child..

However, it can also be positive to be able to negotiate some rules whenever they may be subject to change depending on the good behavior of the adolescent.

This type of negotiations can be carried out on issues such as homecoming time, the possibility of giving a gift due to good grades, etc. In this way, young people not only have a richer and more varied incentive system to behave well, but they also learn to self-regulate their behavior to achieve medium- and long-term goals. to achieve medium- and long-term goals.

10. Sharing one's experiences

Another essential key to maintaining a good relationship with adolescent children is to share all kinds of personal information that may be useful for their daily lives.

This personal information can be about experiences, opinions, tastes, hobbies, anecdotes of adolescence or advice of all kinds, shared knowledge that will help forge a positive relationship between parents and teenager.