11 characteristic symptoms of emotional codependency.

A phenomenon that can be mistaken for kindness and affection, but is harmful to the relationship.

Emotional codependence is a very damaging symptom for relationships, because when one's happiness depends on other people for relationships, because when one's happiness depends on other people, one ceases to be who one really is and is not able to express one's true self. Emotional codependency, as with emotional dependency, is synonymous with a toxic relationship.

That is why it is good to know how to manage this phenomenon wherever it occurs; after all, our well-being is at stake.

Difference between emotional codependency and emotional dependency.

Many individuals think that emotional dependency and emotional codependency are synonymous. But... is this really the case? Nothing could be further from the truth. Emotional dependency and emotional codependency, although related, are different concepts.

A dependent person is one who, due to dysfunctional characteristics of his personality, depends on another person to be happy, and uses this person to fill the emptiness he feels in his life. They are incapable of turning back even though their situation is conflictive and has no future. Emotional dependency occurs in one of the partnersThe other does not necessarily have to be dependent. Dependent individuals manipulate their partner to benefit from their limited autonomy, their lack of empowerment and their low self-esteem.

Emotional codependency, however, occurs when one partner is when one partner is "addicted" to his or her partner's dependence on him or her and, therefore, to the need to help him/her and to care for his/her well-being.

Codependency is not an altruistic behavior.

The codependent person is a kind of quieter controller and manipulatorHe spends all his time trying to get what he thinks his partner needs. In this attempt to protect the other, he ceases to be himself.

His intention may seem altruistic, but in reality it is not. Codependent relationships are not healthy relationships and have a negative effect on the happiness of the person who is codependent and the partner, but also affects their work, their health and even other interpersonal relationships.

Symptoms of this type of dependence in the couple.

Emotional codependency is a relational style that needs to be correctedIt is a way of thinking in which the person has the belief that he or she must sacrifice his or her well-being for others, regardless of the consequences.

Codependent persons present a series of characteristics or signs that should be detected for the good progress of the relationship. They are the following:

They feel responsible for their partner's feelings 2.

Codependent people expend all their energy to satisfy the needs of their partner and are constantly making sacrifices in their relationship. Although it is not wrong to do some acts of love for the partner and help him/her when he/she is having a hard time, there must always be a balance.

Even though the partner of the codependent person may be dependent and have low self-esteem, the codependent does everything possible for the partner, leaving aside his or her own needs.

2. They are emotionally driven rather than rationally driven.

In reality, codependent people do not have the capacity to solve their partner's problems.They are more emotionally driven than rationally driven. They have a deficit in their interpersonal relationships, for example, in terms of assertiveness; and despite sacrificing their welfare for the other, they do not achieve their purpose because they are not mentally strong people.

3. They feel used and victimized when things don't go well.

Since their behavior is not altruistic, codependent people often feel used and unappreciated for everything they do for their partner. The codependent will use a great deal of energy to take over another's life, all under the guise of altruism.all under the guise of altruism and a sincere desire to help. When the help or advice is ignored or unappreciated, the codependent feels angry and mistreated.

Thus, it is common to resort to emotional blackmail, as a desperate attempt to keep the ties that hold the relationship together strong. Unfortunately, this strategy not only causes discomfort in the other person; it also achieves the opposite effect to that intended, since it is clear that it is a form of manipulation, often even when one agrees to do what the other person wants and it seems that in the short term this strategy has had an effect.

4. They have unclear limits

This type of individual takes everything personally, since the boundaries of the emotional codependent are unclear. Boundaries are a kind of imaginary line between partners, where each knows how far he or she has to go to avoid hurting the other. not to hurt the other.

This makes sense, for example, for intimate relationships or for belonging, but also in feelings, thoughts and needs. In this respect, they have unclear boundaries. On the one hand, they give their all for their partner, but on the other hand, they blame them and throw everything in their faces at the drop of a hat.

5. They are controlling

Codependent people use manipulation or blame to control the behavior of others. These tactics may be unconscious, but at the end of the day the emptiness and need to feel useful makes him/her a controlling person, constantly seeking to offer help even if the other person does not need it. Therefore, in reality, he does not offer real help, but seeks to satisfy his own needs through this seemingly altruistic behavior.

6. They are obsessive

Codependent individuals spend too much time thinking about other people and how they will be. All this is caused by their dependence, anxiety and fears. They can also become obsessed when they think they have made or could have made a mistake, because they value themselves negatively and do not tolerate frustration.

Thus, one of the central elements of the mental state of these people is anticipatory anxiety.

7. They have low self-esteem

To value themselves negatively is frequent in this type of individuals. One of the main causes of this phenomenon is that they have a low self-esteem. They are people who, in addition to being codependent, are dependent on the situation and fear rejection, since they do not fear rejection, as they do not feel at ease with themselves..

8. Poor social skills

They are also people who do not usually have very developed social skills and, therefore, channel much of their energy into a single individual. Helping others is positive, but in this context of social skills deficit, providing help becomes a great dependency that aims to feel valued and appreciated..

9. They deny reality

They are people who tend to deny reality, especially in front of the problems of the couple and of the relationship.. Although they are very attentive to help their lover and pay a lot of attention to him/her, they have a poor problem-solving capacity.

10. They get trapped in a toxic relationship.

Due to low self-esteem, these individuals are often trapped in an unsatisfactory and toxic relationship, even though they are aware that it does not benefit them. Codependent people spend too much time trying to change their partnerbecause in reality they are the ones who have a problem to change.

11. They are not emotionally intelligent

These individuals lie to themselves and make excuses for the bad behavior of others. Because they avoid their own feelings and have a poor capacity for self-knowledge and reflection, they develop techniques to lie to themselves about the behavior of others.

They do not know themselves, regulate their emotions or have good communication skills. In short, they are not emotionally intelligent.