4 mistakes that parents make when their children disobey

Educating children in rules of coexistence is not easy, and many times adults fall into traps.

Anyone who has cared for children knows that, in certain aspects, they can be like a time bomb. Bad" behavior and tantrums are an element that can appear with astonishing frequency; in most cases, the rare thing is for the little ones to stick to the rules we set themnot the other way around.

However, if children have an almost natural tendency to disregard rules, parents have not developed an innate, intuition-based ability to deal with this. They must learn from their experience to do so and pay close attention to what strategies they use to curb their children's misbehavior.

Unfortunately, in this process of learning as you go along, there are a number of very common mistakes that are completely avoidable. In most cases, detecting and eliminating them costs time and effort, so if you want to save yourself the trouble, you can always read the following: the most frequent mistakes that parents make when their children are disobedient..

Frequent pitfalls to avoid when children disobey

During childhood abstract ideas such as civility, perseverance or long-term plans mean nothing.. Sigmund Freud said that this reflected the nature of the Ego, one of the three psychic structures that, according to him, operated in the back room of the mind of human beings. However, apart from psychoanalysis, this phenomenon has a scientifically explained reason: their frontal lobes are not connected enough with the rest of the brain to make their decisions go far beyond the here and now.

In fact, during the first months of life, babies have serious difficulties in "disengaging" their attention from the first thing they see, even if they sense that there is something more important next to them that they are not looking at. As the neurons in the infant brain become more connected to each other, forming the so-called white matter, the ability to orient one's actions toward long-term goals improves, but this is a gradual process.But this is a gradual process that does not culminate until well into adolescence.

Therefore, what parents should aim at is to adapt to the mentality of their children and to create strategies of coexistence that are not toxic for both sides. Let's see what the most frequent mistakes are when it comes to managing children's disobedience at home.

1. Demonstrations of power

One of the traps parents fall into is to take disobedience as a direct challenge to their authority, something that should be managed as if it were a game of military intimidation.

The fact that a child does not comply with the rules does not mean that he or she does it to defy the rules.. In fact, it is more likely that his or her actions are simply a consequence of disregarding the rules and forgetting them. This is very common, since many times rules of behavior that seem common sense to us are, in their eyes, meaningless, something that is not understood and, therefore, they do not get to memorize.

So, to avoid this mistake, we must first make sure whether we are dealing with a case of "disobedience" or, rather, of simple "non-obedience". If it is the latter, make an effort to make the son or daughter understand the logic behind the rule.

2. Imitate the tantrum

Watching a child scream and verbally attack us for a rule he or she doesn't like can tempt us to basically do the same thing: get angry and fight back. But in these cases this is nothing more than fighting fire with more fireand only serves to make two people have a stressful and unpleasant time.

If this tantrum results in a punishment, which is very frequent, it must be taken into account that punishment will not be interpreted as anything other than an extension of the parent's tantrum. the parent's tantrum. That is: the reason for the punishment will be that of a personal satisfaction related to what the adult feels in the here and now, nothing else.

That is why children who receive punishments constantly develop resentment and frustration, something that in no case leads them to behave better, but to behave worse in a better way, without receiving the punishments.

3. Give in

Giving in when children refuse to follow certain rules is always counterproductive, as it is an act that speaks for itself and whose message is. "disobeying works".. That is, they come to believe that following the rules is optional and, by extension, the rules serve no purpose. They are simply an annoying obstacle to avoid, because whether they are present or not, you will not be able to do what you want to do.

4. Pretending that nothing has happened

This mistake is similar to the previous one, but with a nuance. While if we give in we are implying that the rule is eliminated and no longer counts, by ignoring the transgression of the rule we introduce a good portion of ambiguity into the situation. Is the parent not acting because he or she has not realized that he or she has disobeyed, or has realized it and not considered it important? The feeling of inattention and that what one does does not matter to anyone is very negative, even if this option is the most comfortable in the short term for the adult: it simply avoids getting into trouble.simply avoids getting into trouble

Thus, disobedience must always have a consequence, even if this is the reformulation of the rules to find a better balance between both interests. Negotiation can be very positive, as it is a way of demonstrating the idea that the needs and concerns of the children and adolescents can be taken into account. the needs and concerns of the children are taken into account and respected..