5 stages that loving couples go through when they break up

What are the "moments" we all go through when we break up a relationship of years?

The beginning of the end of a relationship may be occurring without us even realizing it yetOften, the first signs of change are subtle. It is usually after the breakup that we try to remember and understand what has happened, the way in which events have unfolded to the point of such a complicated experience to deal with as a breakup. Thinking about our past relationships in retrospect does not make them come back together again, but it helps us to heal wounds.

Now, in addition to thinking about breakups in the past, we can also try to predict them, we can also try to predict them, to recognize their early manifestations in an effective way.. Having the option to know if we are in a breakup process can be very useful to assess the health of the relationship and, in addition, to see with perspective the relationship you have with your partner.

A scale on the stages of the breakup

Of course, it cannot be said that there is a series of phases whose first stages make us fall irremediably into a spiral whose only possible end is the breakup, but it is possible to distinguish different situations that make us more or less likely to consider leaving our partner.

To this end, a team of psychologists at the University of Tennessee, headed by Kathrin Ritter have developed a scale in which the 5 phases through which relationships go through are considered that are most likely to be ending. The name of this tool is Stages of Change in Relationship Status (SOCRS) and can be very useful in both couples therapy, and is based on James Prochaska's theory of change.

The SOCRS was initially developed to examine the extent to which people involved in online dating based on fear and violence were close to ending these toxic relationships. However, it has also been shown to be reliable in assessing the likelihood of ending a relationship whether or not there is physical or psychological violence involved.

This scale was designed after questionnaires containing 83 items were given to a number of people and deciding what kinds of questions were most used or meaningful in describing the relationship status. After this process, a simplified version of these questionnaires was created.

Is this scale effective?

To test its effectiveness, this research team had a number of young, partnered people fill out the SOCRS questionnaires. Two months later, these persons had to fill in the questionnaire again. In this way, after 2 months, it could be checked whether people who according to the scale were in an advanced stage of breaking up at the first moment were more likely to have broken up with their relationship or to be on the verge of doing so after 2 months. The volunteers who participated in the study were young people in their 20s, so it was not surprising that their relationships lasted an average of one year and that, after 2 months, many couples had broken up.

The results showed that, indeed, the scale was useful for estimating the likelihood that the relationship would end in the near future depending on which of the 5 phases each person was in. In addition, a worrying incidence of relationships with physical or verbal violence was observed: 79% of people admitted to having committed acts of physical or verbal violence against their partner at some point.

The 5 stages of breakup according to SOCRS

These are the 5 stages couples go through when breaking up. Which one is your relationship in?

Factor 1: Precontemplation

In this phase the person is not aware of having any particular problems in their relationship.. The items of the scale that correspond to this phase are as follows:

1. I am happy with my relationship as it is.

My relationship is fine, there is no need to change it. 3.

3. My relationship is not so bad.

4. There is no need for me to do anything about my relationship.

Factor 2: Contemplation

In this phase the person begins to think about aspects of their relationship that should change.. Its items are these:

5. Sometimes I think that I should end my relationship.

6. I believe that my relationship is not healthy for me.

7. I am starting to see that my relationship is a problem.

8. I begin to notice the harmful effect of my relationship.

Factor 3: Preparation

In this phase the person has already made the decision to end the relationship.. The items that define this stage are as follows:

9. Although it is difficult to end my relationship, I am making plans to do it anyway.

10. I have started to work on ending the relationship, but I need some help.

11. I will try to end my relationship within the next month.

12. I will try to end my relationship very soon, but I am not sure how best to do it.

Factor 4: Action

At this stage the person has already started to execute his/her plans without making excuses or postponing his/her goals.. The items are:

13. I have told my partner that I want to end the relationship.

14. I talk less with my partner when we are alone.

15. I have started spending more time with other people and less time with my partner.

16. I notice that I think about my partner less and less.

Factor 5: Maintenance

In this phase the person acts in a way that is consistent with the end of the relationship, transforming it into a daily reality.. The items are:

17. I have changed my daily routine to avoid any relationship with my partner.

18. I avoid places where I know I will see my partner.

19. I have put away objects that belong to my partner, or taken steps to get rid of items that remind me of this person.

I will never go back to my partner.