A mother’s gaze and the maternal function: "I am looked at, therefore I am".

How does the gaze between mother and child influence the development of an attachment bond?

The importance of the maternal function in the first moments when we are born is essential, although it is often overlooked.although it often goes unnoticed.

To understand to what extent it is important in our lives, it is worth examining what happens during the stage in which it plays a role in protecting, educating and providing affection to the little ones.

What is maternal function?

Maternal function in infants is understood as the desire to provide physical and emotional nourishment to infants.

It is not only necessary to provide care related to physical well-being (food, shelter, cleanliness, cleanliness, rest, etc.) but also involves affective stimuli for the infant. but also involves benign or positive affective stimuli.. Children who are deprived of these affective stimuli frequently die under the condition called hospitalism.

Positive affective stimuli

The benign or positive affective stimuli are those that are innately born from the desire to love this new creature. They have to do with the sweet and soft tone of voice, smiles, caresses and hugs, and the constant gaze into the eyes of the other.

Many times mothers who contemplate their children "get lost in the gaze of their loved one, and their loved one is found in the gaze of their mother". It is important to mention that for Biological reasons, mothers tend to have an easier time achieving a greater emotional bond with their children.. Therefore, they fulfill the maternal function more spontaneously.

However, the maternal function can be assumed by any person who has the disposition and affective competencies necessary to show affection.

The need for affectionate contact

A baby is a human being totally dependent on the care of others.. It is a creature with innate tendencies to grow and develop, but at this moment it is part of the bond with that maternal figure, who will allow it to continue its own development.

At the beginning, the maternal function is limited to providing shelter, support, protection, protection from dangers and covering the child's physiological and emotional needs. It is a process that mothers learn to manage while breastfeeding their children.It is a process that mothers learn to manage while breastfeeding their children, hence the emotional importance of understanding the importance of breastfeeding.

The value of breastfeeding

When mothers breastfeed their children, they initiate a warm bond (mother-child) sustained by looks, caresses, gestures, tone of voice, care.... This bond generates a kind of complicity between the two.In this way, the mother learns to know her child's needs at the slightest call for attention. That is to say, she can easily distinguish a hungry cry from a sleepy cry, as well as know with a simple look at her child if he/she is sick.

It is a special psychological condition that mothers develop during the weeks after birth. Emotionally, her baby is still part of her, and therefore, she shows great sensitivity to what the baby expresses.

Babies learn to recognize their mother's face in the most pleasurable moments they experience at the beginning of their lives: breastfeeding. Feeding and looking at the mother's face allows them to create a relationship of unity in which the mother reflects what the baby means to her.

The mirror of the gaze

The gaze that takes place as part of the maternal function is the first mirror in which the child begins to differentiate itself from the mother. and to react to the other, since he/she becomes aware of the response that his/her presence generates in the other; hence the importance of paying back the constant gestures, movements and sounds that the child makes, since this is the moment when he/she begins to discover him/herself as a person.

At this moment the child depends on "the look", the presence and the care of the mother figure. These are the first steps towards the healthy construction of self-concept, self-esteem and security, and if there are anomalies in this phase, developmental and behavioral problems may appear, developmental and behavioral problems may appear.. Some disorders that occur in adulthood may have their roots in this type of defective bonding during the first six months of life.

Breastfeeding in today's context

Unfortunately, today's mothers are extremely limited in their ability to provide this type of bonding with their babies.or they are unaware of the importance of "looking at it" and transmitting security and peace of mind. They assume breastfeeding, guaranteeing only food. For example, while breastfeeding, they tend to talk on the phone, check Facebook, read the newspaper... Their attention is on other things.

Sometimes, breastfeeding is also assumed as the mother's right to breastfeed, giving a triumphant position in favor of women when in the social sphere they are allowed or facilitated spaces to do it comfortably in public without any censorship. In both cases it is important to remember that we cannot fall into the error of assuming it only as a mother's right, it is the right of the child to be looked at, to be pampered, to be cared for, to be felt while being nourished..

The evolution of the maternal function

As the child grows "emotionally" it begins to discover its own needs to explore its environment.. This dynamic begins with behaviors such as thumb sucking, looking at objects, acquiring better and better postures, mastering his body, pulling and holding objects, etc.

He moves confidently towards a better dependency. The child is attentive to his environment, receptive and ready to take in sounds, movements, textures, etc.. Therefore, it begins to detach itself from the mother's gaze. This process takes place from six months to three years of age.

The favorite toy

At this stage, it is usual for children to acquire an object, whether it is a blanket, pillow, pacifier or simply a toy.. Little ones need this object to alleviate the anguish of separation from family members and to be able to begin exploring the world.

It is the first belonging they acquire, it is "almost sacred" for them and accompanies them everywhere, regardless of their condition. It may smell bad, it may be dirty, damaged, tarnished, discolored, but that object contains everything necessary to detach from its mother and feel safe in new spaces.

It is recommended to maintain this child-object bond. Generally, the child will only be able to let go of his object when it is linked to the feeling of security. Sometimes parents ask if they can wash it or exchange it for a new one, but it is important to clarify that it is very important for the child to keep the one he/she has chosen and to feel secure that it is within his/her reach, that is, that no derogatory comments are made, such as: "Look how ugly it is, don't be a pig, let's change it". The object means for the child a source of security that goes beyond what we as adults can understand.

Hiding

Finally, the child begins to hide from the mother, plays to disappear or to make the mother disappear.This is the beginning or the first steps towards independence. The first hidden games begin to take place; the child explores the world but with the security of being able to return to his place of comfort: the arms of the person who protects him and gives him affection.

It is at this moment both the baby and the mother must be prepared to assume this first separation with security and tranquility; without pressure or limitations.without pressure or limitations. The mother must provide her child with new relationships and possibilities to understand his environment. From now on, the child will be ready to begin the facet of play, where he finally does not need the "mother's gaze", he concentrates for long periods of time playing in his own world and incorporating the participation of other children in his daily life. He is ready to continue and develop as an independent and emotionally stable being.