Are we doomed to emotional disconnection?

A reflection on the impoverishment of the quality of relationships and its consequences.

Is loneliness possible in a hyperconnected society? Is it real that this evil is shaking our society in a worrying way?

Nowadays, everything is focused on facilitating accessibility to communication and exchange between people.. However, for the WHO, loneliness is one of the greatest current risks for the deterioration of health, because of its implications in multiple facets of our lives that influence a deterioration in the quality of life and life expectancy.

There are countries committed to tackling this kind of problem, such as the United Kingdom, which has created a Ministry for Loneliness (headed by Minister Tracy Crouch), or Japan, which due to the "Kodokushi phenomenon", saw a large number of people dying alone in their homes, so its government decided to create housing complexes with specialized care.

How do you get to the loss of connection?

You may be permanently connected to social networks, you may often meet friends, you may have a full schedule of social activities... or you may isolate yourself at home. These seemingly different extremes are actually two sides of the same coin.the loss of connection.

If you feel that you are not connected with others, you will probably feel lonely; you will notice that no one understands you or that you do not understand others, that everyone approaches you out of interest, that love is not real, that relating to others does not make sense or that you have to get something out of it to make it worthwhile for you to relate to someone.

How we relate to others is often a reflection of what we have inside ourselves.. In this case, we have somehow lost connection with our feelings; perhaps we have purposely broken or managed to silence that inner pain, and by no longer listening to it, it is as if we numb our Heart and become more insensitive or cold.

But these invisible barriers that keep you away from yourself and from others are a protection.. This weapon is often too sophisticated and is being refined to offer greater protection. What at first works, later makes you fall into the trap of isolating yourself in one way or another; at first you will feel lonely, and over time you will stop enjoying many things, mainly on a social level, so you will cut contact, reduce it or leave it on a superficial level, Total, you feel lonely just the same.

The consequences of this phenomenon in our relationships

On the one hand we are social beings, and on the other hand we are defenseless beings in need of protection until we grow up. In short, we all need healthy, secure, stable bonds in our group of belonging..

If we do not have this, we will lack a basis of trust that will lead to dependent, superficial or harmful relationships with their consequences. Among these mistrust is commonThis is seen as something very deep that may be nesting inside us and getting in our way without us even realizing it.

This will not allow us to love ourselves as we deserve, and can do us a disservice; from losing connection with ourselves to losing connection with our feelings, which would be like not communicating with a part of us. Or even subsequently losing connection with others and feeling life from afar or muted, as if even the good things stop making us vibrate.

This can cause you to become cold; in situations like this you don't want to feel your pain and others' pain any less.. It also causes you to lose connection with your deepest feelings. But your emptiness will still be there and you will try to cover it up or solve it, although that will not be enough.

Then we run the risk of becoming self-destructive.And perhaps the most outstanding characteristic, we become distrustful and with a perception of what relationships are a little or quite dysfunctional.

How is connection generated?

The lowest common denominator of connection is communication.. According to scientific studies on the subject, the first bond we form outside the womb is through touching and then looking at those who are usually our caregivers. We share this with many other mammals, and it allows us to communicate beyond any verbal communication: it is the "I know you are there, I see you, I recognize you and we are close, you are counting on me, we are part of something together".

Thus, we can understand a bond as a deeper connection, and deduce that to generate a connection, even if it is more superfluous, a glance or a touch is enough.. For example, love at first sight, as in fairy tales or movies, is based on stories that penetrate deep into our way of understanding love and push us to idealize what an attractive appearance can achieve, the "true love".

It is easier for this spark to arise with people similar to us, with that there is an innate component of understanding, empathy or recognition of the other person by perceiving similarities, which makes us trust more or connect better with the other person. But it is also created by getting to know the other person, sharing experiences with him/her? In short, communication on a real, deeper level creates connection..

Reconnect emotionally

Thus, the experience of not being or feeling connected to others, as we are seeing, can be evidenced in a number of ways on a day-to-day basis. Some will be more visible, such as not having people around, and others may mask this same reality, such as being around people often or having many friends on Instagram.

For emotionally manage these situationsreconnect with the world:

• Face that thing you don't want to hear inside.
• Allow yourself to go deeper with the people around you.
• Exchange mistrust for learning to choose who you trust.
• Don't hide your feelings, accept your "dark side" but real.
• Bet on having quality, real and deep relationships.

¡Accept that it is not better not to risk, because when you stop feeling you stop living.! There are no bad feelings, only real ones; listen to what they have to tell you, connect.