Assertiveness: 5 basic habits to improve your communication skills

We describe what assertive communication is and show you techniques to develop this skill.

Who hasn't heard of assertiveness? Lately this term has been used a lot, but do you really know what it is?

Communication can be passive, aggressive or assertive.It can be passive, aggressive or assertive, a middle ground that is one of the keys to success in life.

Why I want to talk about assertiveness

A few days ago I was sitting on the terrace of a bar eating peacefully until I became uncomfortable with the manager's behavior; she aggressively addressed a waitress, and it wasn't just what she said but how she said it. it was not only what she said but how she said it..

At that moment the girl's blushing face and how rushed she was after that downpour, and more so in public, stayed with me. Inevitably I remembered situations in which I have been treated the same way and have been told something aggressively.

I realized that when I remembered it, what made me feel worse was having communicated with passivity, that is, allowing people in different areas of my life to violate me with their way of speaking to me.

However, my communication style changed my communication style changed when I learned how to be assertive.. For this reason I want to talk to you about assertive communication.

What is assertiveness?

Assertiveness implies being able to express our thoughts, feelings, emotions and decisions in an assertive manner, respecting ourselves and others..

Therefore if we are assertive we do not allow others to decide for us and overlook our ideas, input and values. By doing this we are communicating passively. We can also, on the contrary, impose our ideas without taking anyone into account; this is what is known as aggressive communication.

However, in communication it is not only important what is said, but how things are said is just as important, if not more so.

Ways to improve communication

Learning assertive communication techniques, i.e., those that allow you to respect yourself and others, is essential to achieve your goals or objectives and to feel good about yourself and others.

Here are some techniques to help you develop or improve your assertive communication. They are simple habits with which, little by little, we will notice that our interactions flow as never before.

1. Understand that no one can read your mind.

You may think that your partner knows that you want to go to the movies to see a premiere, that your family and friends know how much it bothers you when they show up at your house unannounced, or that your boss knows you want a promotion.

Probably on many occasions you get angry and frustrated when you see that they do not please or respect you, and these emotions generate that you communicate with aggressiveness or, on the contrary, with passivity, opting for an attitude and a style of communication that ends up and your relationship with others.

If you want people to take your desires and needs into account, say what they are, expressing yourself in a way that others do not feel attacked or offended..

2. Identify what you want and seek to get it.

Start by identifying your own needs, desires, goals or objectives. Don't expect anyone else to identify them, let alone fulfill them for you.

Find a way to get what you want without hurting others, and if you need help ask for it openly.

3. Use "I" statements

If you use first person sentences reaffirm your ideas, opinions, emotions, desires and rights.desires and rights. In addition, you will let others know what you think without sounding accusatory.

For example, it is generally more appropriate and respectful to say "I disagree" than "You are wrong".

4. Learn to listen

Communicating assertively involves knowing how to to listen correctly and actively. This is only possible with an open attitude towards the message transmitted by the other person.

Remember: others have the right to think and feel differently than you do.

5. Learn to say "no".

Learn to be aware of your right to say "no" without feeling guilty or obliged to say "no". without feeling guilty or obliged to give explanations and excuses. and excuses. In the same way, others also have the right to say "no" to you.

Benefits of assertive communication

You will probably be increasingly motivated to communicate assertively as you experience the following benefits:

• Increases self-esteem and self-confidence; people who are able to communicate assertively have healthy self-esteem.
• Contributes to greater confidence in who you are and what you express.
• Improves your emotional well-being.
• It makes you mature because in communication flows respect and not the search for reason.
• Helps you build healthy and constructive social relationships and avoids attracting toxic people (or worse, you becoming one yourself).
• Allows you to achieve your personal goals, thus avoiding emotional discomfort.
• It enables you to set your own limits.
• It helps you judge your own needs, establish your priorities and make your decisions.
• It makes it easier to understand mistakes, both your own and those of others. Assertive communication makes us more human.

In conclusion

This article would probably be of great help to the manager I told you about at the beginning of the article, and not only to acquire the ability to communicate assertively.

Through this valuable tool for life we indirectly acquire leadership and teamwork skills. leadership and teamwork skills, empathy, self-esteem and, ultimately, self-confidence.self-esteem and, in short, emotional wellbeing.