Attachment, the basis of emotional balance

What is attachment?

Attachment is the deep emotional bond that is established between two people and that it is consistent in time and space. The way in which we establish emotional ties in childhood can lead to a whole series of psychological alterations in adulthood such as depression, anxiety, anger, personality disorders, etc. Attachment is a universal concept that occurs in all cultures. We are biologically programmed to build bonds as they ensure our survival.

Attachment Theory was initially formulated by J. Bowlby in the 1970s, but was later expanded and enriched by various authors.

Types of attachment

There are four types of attachment. Secure attachment is functional, and within insecure attachment there are three different types:

• Secure attachment.
• Insecure attachment:
  • Avoidant or elusive.
  • Anxious or ambivalent
  • Disorganized or indiscriminate.

Secure attachment

The parental figure is attentive and available to the needs of the child, so that when adverse situations arise, the child has the confidence that he will be understood and helped. This encourages him to explore the world and thus gain experience and develop. Can express positive and negative feelings, and feels accepted. He also feels that he belongs to a family system.

This type of attachment results in mature, stable, independent and self-confident adults.

Avoidant or elusive attachment

The parental figure relates to the child with a mixture of feelings ranging from heartbreak or rejection, even hostility. The caregiver feels threatened by the crying of the child, feeling that he does not meet his needs and that he does not control the situation. Therefore, it tends to deny the child's needs, distancing itself or forcing it to change its emotional state, with controlling, intrusive and overstimulating attitudes. You do not read the child's needs well or match them to your own criteria.

The child ignores or avoids the parental figure, thus giving even more feedback to the rejection by the caregiver. He is cold with adults, as much or more with parental figures than with other strange figures. It is as if they have implicitly assimilated that they need to be emotionally self-sufficient since showing need for care is answered with indifference or even contempt. They disengage and try to live without the support and love of others, in a distant way and without expressing feelings of discomfort, fear or anger.

Anxious or ambivalent attachment

The parental figure is sometimes psychologically available and sometimes not, sometimes they are affectionate and sometimes cold or distant. They oscillate between inattention and severity or hyper control. They do not always respond to the child, but they do not reject him either. Is emotional out of tune makes care unpredictable or inconsistent, causing the child to feel anxious and insecure with the parent figure as they do not know what to expect. Not being able to manage this uncertainty, he manifests himself ambivalent in the relationship: sometimes he expresses anger, sometimes rejection or sometimes anxious search for the parental figure. They live the separation badly, openly expressing anger, fear and discomfort.

Disorganized or indiscriminate attachment

The relational model is chaotic and changeable. The parental figure is highly incompetent and usually presents chronic psychiatric pathologies, alcoholism or drug addiction, which produces a highly disorganized relationship. The parenting style is often violent, abusive and unpredictable, but since the child needs to bond to survive, it creates a powerful imbalance. If the child approaches, it causes anxiety to the parental figure, but if it moves away it generates hostile behavior and rejection.

How affects?

Developing an insecure attachment can cause multiple difficulties and pathologies in adulthood:

• Difficulties in emotional regulation.
• Fears or phobias.
• Emotional dependency and fear of abandonment.
• Socialization difficulties.
• Dissociation.
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• Distortion in the perception of others or oneself.

How to repair it?

The problems caused by different types of insecure attachment can be addressed as adults with the right support.

• Explore your painful experiences from the past in a safe environment. If you cannot find healthy reference figures today, it is important to turn to psychotherapy.
• Explore how your current perceptions and expectations are connected to patterns from your childhood or adolescence.
• Expand other healthier and more balanced relationship models. Detach yourself or set limits on them.
• Learn coping strategies and emotional regulation.
• Train social skills.
• Pay attention to your internal dialogue, how you talk to yourself.
• Focus on your self care.

• The way in which we establish emotional ties in childhood can lead to a whole series of psychological alterations in adulthood such as depression, anxiety, anger, personality disorders, etc.
• There are four types of attachment. Secure attachment is functional, and within insecure attachment there are three different types (anxious, avoidant, and disorganized).
• The problems caused by different types of insecure attachment can be addressed as adults with the right support.