Can everyone be happy?

Are happy people happy spontaneously, or is it possible to train happiness?

We all want to be happier, but it seems like mission impossible. The media bombard us with the imperative that those who are not happy have not made the most of their lives and have not known how to make the most of them.

Achieving happiness is not easy, no matter how much the industry of excessive positivism says otherwise. However, this does not mean that it cannot be achieved, although of course it will require some effort.

Can happiness be trained? This is the question we are going to answer below, and find out if it is possible to train yourself to be happier!

Is it possible to train happiness?

Everyone wants to be happy, a truism. The average citizen aspires to have a full life, satisfied and full of happiness. Not achieving it is interpreted as a failure, a wasted life, an unsuccessful experience. For this reason there is a real industry of happiness based on cheap psychology, self-help books and short courses that help to lighten the credit card that assure that it is possible to be happy with their method, whatever it is. Are they right? Is it possible to train happiness?

It is possible to train happiness, however, the way is neither simple nor fast, the way is neither simple nor fast. Because, in fact, in terms of change, in this quest for full psychological well-being and true fulfillment, nothing is easy or fast. It is possible to be happy at the moment, but not permanently, because at the end of the day we human beings are still roller coasters of emotions. And thank goodness! otherwise we would find it difficult to adapt adequately to the demands of our environment.

Training ourselves to be happier is going to cost us something. As much as the so-called "happiness industry" would like to convince us that complete happiness is within our reach, this is not the case.. There is no simple formula to be more cheerful and optimistic, but a whole set of strategies and attitudes towards life to change our way of interpreting it and to receive the hard setbacks it sometimes gives us.

Our own brain does not make it easy for us either. Let's put it in a very simplistic but quite explanatory way: our brain doesn't care if we are happy. In reality, the only thing that matters to it is that we survive and, therefore, it gives more value to fears and to those mechanisms that place us in the comfort zone. It focuses more on the negative to avoid it than on the positive to continue doing it, and it finds it difficult to change, even if it is for the better.

However, the fact that the organ where our behavior is based is resistant to change does not mean that it cannot change. Humans have made important advances over the course of our evolutionary history, making changes that have helped us better adapt to complex environments. changes that have helped us to adapt better to complex environments.. These changes would not have been possible without stepping out of the comfort zone and daring to live better. This is extrapolable to psychotherapy, which has shown that changes towards balance and healing are possible, but first it takes the patient's authentic commitment and active effort to achieve it.

Training ourselves to be happier

There are little things that can bring us a little satisfaction. Habits that, although they will not bring us full happiness, help us to avoid being at the opposite pole, i.e. bitterness, dissatisfaction and torment.. Some actions such as having a better diet, being more active, doing sports and other healthy habits can make our mind more optimistic and cheerful.

All of the above can help us to be more satisfied with life, but it does not necessarily translate into being happy. In fact, happiness has more to do with how we approach life and value it than what we already have. Of course, not lacking anything will help us not to be sad, but if we have serious problems to manage life's adversities, we get stressed easily and have bad relationships with our social environment, we are not going to be happy.

As the Hungarian-American psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (1934-2021) said, there are no easy recipes to achieve a happy life. Happiness is a path, an individual process where each one of us must invest efforts being creative and original to see what helps him or her best. But, although this path to happiness is different for everyone, this does not mean that there are not some general guidelines to train our brain to achieve it. Let's look at a few.

1. Train the mind in realistic positivism.

Neurosciences prove that thoughts are merely the product of brain activity.. They are the result of the activation of electrical connections. Something similar happens in the opposite direction, being the thoughts that can change the way the brain is configured, generating new connections and even molding it.

Repetitive and even obsessive negative thinking affects our performance. Negativism exhausts our brain, something that has been seen in neuroimaging in the form of reduced activity in the prefrontal area. The result of this is a difficulty in seeking and finding solutions to life's problems, something that frustrates and stresses us, negative emotions that feed negative thoughts. A cycle of negative and dysfunctional thinking is generated.

If we want to be happy, we have to change this thought pattern.. A key to this is to make a conscious and constant effort, trying to have more control over this type of mental processes. We have already warned that it is difficult, that it costs, but to control what we think and stop looking at life in such a negative light is to gain in mental health. Everything we say and think matters.

We must stop negative thoughts and apply realistic positivism. The goal is to reflect on our thinking, be less rigid with what surrounds us and try to see the positive in life. There are things that, no matter how small they may seem to us, can brighten our day in one way or another. Its power is cumulative and if we manage to make it a habit, the day will come when we will be happy by inertia.

2. Set goals regularly

One of the situations in which we can feel more happiness is when we manage to fulfill a purpose that we have proposed to ourselves.. At a cerebral level the achievement of a goal translates into an increase of dopamine, serotonin, our brain is bathed in neurotransmitters that bring us happiness and satisfaction. Not all goals are the same: some are long-term goals, while others can be achieved throughout the day. Depending on how ambitious they are, the greater or lesser the satisfaction they give us.

A good way to be happier is, precisely, to set goals with a certain regularity, preferably every day. Although it is advisable, we should also be careful with this type of goals, as they should be attainable, achievable within 24 hours. If we set ourselves overly ambitious projects to accomplish every day, there is a good chance that we will not achieve them and, as a result, we will feel disappointed with ourselves, just the opposite of what we would like to achieve. disappointed with ourselves, just the opposite of what we want.

Everyone should know themselves and be aware of their limits and capabilities, setting goals in accordance with them. This does not mean that our limits and capabilities are immutable, but it does mean that we cannot achieve more than we are capable of at the moment. If we set daily goals, let them be attainable, easy to achieve, or small steps that lead us to a more ambitious long-term objective.

Whatever it is that we want to accomplish, let us set goals. Not doing so, not having goals or objectives in life leaves us suspended in an existential void, an abyss in which we wonder what the value of our lives is and what we are good for. Having nothing to do and nothing to accomplish can plunge us into nihilistic thoughts which can be a breeding ground for the emergence of not only unhappiness, but also mood disorders such as anxiety and depression.

3. Building self-esteem

As we have mentioned before, it is not possible to be happy every day. It is one thing if we consider our lives to be happy in general and quite another if every day we are immersed in the most absolute and resounding joy. We are human and we experience ups and downs. It is impossible to always maintain that mental, emotional and attitudinal state every instant because one way or another things are going to happen to us, although it is our responsibility how they affect us.

There is something much more important than being happy: being good with oneself. Lack of self-esteem not only prevents us from being happy, but also negatively affects a myriad of areas that make up our life. Dissatisfaction with oneself is evident in our studies, work, family, friends... we do not see ourselves as capable, we become frustrated with ourselves and we do not respond adaptively to life's adversities.

Self-esteem includes self-respect and self-worth, fundamental aspects in the life of every person. It is also within it to value the positive things we have achieved and identify the negative ones to overcome or improve them, this being the most important point to take into account to improve self-esteem. If we motivate ourselves to achieve our vital objectives and improve what we lack, we will increase our self-esteem and we will be happier. and we will be happier.

4. Practice gratitude

The power of gratitude is enormous, which makes it all the more surprising that we forget to give thanks for all that life gives us. Forgetting to be thankful does not allow us to appreciate and value what we have, what we have experienced, who we are. Things that we take for granted such as having a house, being able to buy food or having a job are something that other people want to have with all their might.

This is why it is highly recommended to give thanks every night for something, to be thankful for the fact that we have at least 3 important things in our lives.. This small gesture, this small daily habit can increase our happiness levels in a matter of a few weeks, making us see how much we have compared to less fortunate people.

5. Analyze and question complaints

It is said that people who don't complain are happier. Complaining can be exhausting and the only thing it does is to see things in a more negative perspective. The ideal is to know how to value all the good things we have in our lives, to be grateful for them and not to complain so much.

However, sometimes it is inevitable that we complain, either out of habit or because we have not thought to avoid it. If we have missed a complaint, the best thing to do is to analyze it.. Let's look at our complaints, see what they are based on and what argument they use to make us see how unhappy we think we are. How do they make us feel? Let's make a list of those thoughts and start questioning them.

If we manage to do so, every time one of those malicious complaints escapes us, we will immediately know how to find a counterargument, something that delegitimizes them. And there will come a time when they will not dare to come to light, because one can hardly complain about what one already feels happy about.

6. To leave resentments aside

Something fundamental when it comes to being happy is to leave resentments aside. The envy, the grudges, the arguments of the past? the associated emotions hurt us, more than the people with whom we have these bad experiences did it.. It is something difficult certainly, but if we achieve it we will be happier and it is a step that cannot be missing in our way training happiness.

7. Be kind to others

Happiness is trained by first training kindness. It costs us nothing to be kind, pleasant and nice to the people around us, both family and acquaintances with whom we can cross the street. A few kind words help make the planet a better place, do it without expecting anything in return.

Treating others better helps us to be happier as it will be harder for others to say something mean to us.. If we are good with others, others will be good with us and, therefore, it will be more difficult to have bad friction with our social circle. Less conflict is equivalent to more happiness, so we must train kindness.

8. Mindfulness

A classic when talking about happiness is Mindfulness. While it has its critics, this technique can be helpful to some people. It is nothing more than working to be able to pay attention to the present and prevent our mind from wandering down dark paths, feeding very negative thoughts, memories and hypothetical scenarios. Internal dialogue is useful for planning our lives, but when it becomes toxic it traps us in a maelstrom of bad emotions and harmful thoughts.

What Mindfulness aims to do is to control the attention of our mind.. The goal is to be able to say to ourselves "right now I am doing or thinking something that does not feel good", stop paying attention to it and focus it on something more positive such as the landscape, a painting in the room, the music we are listening to or the touch of clothes against our skin.

Conclusion

As we have seen, happiness can be trained, but it is not a simple or quick process. It is a mixture of good attitudes towards life, the investment of effort and knowing oneself, as well as respecting oneself and valuing what one already has. It is also the ability to set realistic goals and achieve them that brings us closer to happiness, both because we feel that we give value to our lives and because we achieve these goals and feel the dopamine and serotonin rush that comes with their achievement.