Dec 9 / 2021

Communication with teenagers

| Establishing good communication with teenage children is an important task, but at the same time complicated.

On the one hand, it is often difficult for them to express in words what they think and feel, making it easier, on many occasions, to express themselves through actions, with certain gestures and attitudes (such as, for example, slamming the door or arriving home late) .

And on the other hand, adolescents tend to have a particularly complex relationship with their parents, since while they continue to need them and depend on them in many aspects, they also have the need to differentiate themselves from them and begin to build their own identity. For this reason, it will be natural for them to be reserved, question, refuse and put to the test what has been established so far by their parents.

Suggestions to promote good communication between parents and adolescents

Parents must convey clear messages that avoid misunderstandings and confusion, and facilitate cultivating a relationship of trust and a sense of control among family members.
Make the adolescent feel heard, show him interest and attention and give him the opportunity to express his opinion, avoiding one-way speeches. It is important to finish the sentences with expressions that invite communication (such as, "What do you think?").
Give importance to the issues he talks about, taking into account that for him, in his vital moment and situation, they can be fundamental issues.
It should be borne in mind that an adolescent boy is more likely to seek to speak to someone who he knows will respect his privacy, will not disclose the information discussed and will not be upset or scandalized if he is told a secret or confidentiality.
It is important to dedicate exclusive time for the child, for example accompanying him to some place or sharing with him an activity of interest, within which he has the possibility to express himself, if he wishes.
Do not enter into forced dialogues or interrogations that do not respect the privacy of the boy or his desire not to speak at that time. It is advisable to take advantage of occasions when it is accessible or in which there is a favorable climate for natural communication, establishing a relationship based on trust and emotional proximity.

Parents should use a friendly, positive, and approachable tone of voice. It is convenient to avoid an excessively authoritarian position and also provide the reasons or reasons why you are asking for something, setting a limit, etc. It may be useful to give him the possibility to jointly review certain limits or rules, negotiating with him new concessions or making them more flexible. This fact will promote a greater commitment on the part of the adolescent, at the same time that it will facilitate the development of communication and negotiation skills.

It is advisable to recognize the positive, praise him when he does something desirable on his own initiative.
In situations of disagreement or conflict, the boy must also be able to reason his position and defend his own point of view. He should not be yelled at or lost in control in front of him, as this will drive him further away and offer him an undesirable role model. Neither show indifference or neglect it. It is preferable to postpone the conversation to another time if it is perceived that these dynamics are being entered.
It is important to bear in mind that it is also common for the adolescent to seek confrontation or try to provoke with certain comments or attitudes. In these cases, the adult should not enter into the provocation and should always respond calmly and with self-control.
Communication between both parties must always be respectful, avoiding humiliation, threats, ridicule or insults.
Parents must show consistency between what they preach and what they practice, setting an example to give credibility to their position. Thus, you should not ask the adolescent for something that one of the parents is not willing to do.
Keep in mind that in all families there are times when it is necessary to address sensitive issues, such as those related to sexuality or. Avoiding or denying these topics makes it easier for teens to look for that information from other people or from untrustworthy or false sources.