Dethroned prince syndrome

The birth of a brother can provoke in him the so-called ‘dethroned prince syndrome’, that is, the appearance of jealousy towards the newly arrived brother. Any change in the structure of a family implies at the same time the need to introduce adjustments and among them are the division of time, care and attention to both siblings, which until now had not been necessary. This new situation implies going from receiving all the attention of the parents to having to share it with the sibling, at the same time as becoming the older brother instead of the only child in the house.

Therefore, it is important to be aware that it is natural and logical for jealousy to appear. It is a process of adaptation and maturation in the normal evolution of children. Through these, the child is trying to express that he perceives this change and that he is afraid of feeling displaced, of losing the leading role and the exclusive attention that he had been enjoying up to now. For this reason, it is very important to know how to handle this jealousy properly.

A child can express that he is jealous through various behaviors: complaints, physical ailments (stomach pain, vomiting, ...), enuresis, easy crying for no apparent reason, extreme sensitivity, refusal to do what is asked, use of a different language child that corresponds to his / her evolutionary stage, decreased appetite, refusal to eat or sleep only when up to now it was without problem, expressing fears, constantly requesting the attention of parents during the night, being restless or restless, use of aggressiveness towards parents, etc.

How can this syndrome be addressed?

Some useful indications for the proper management of ‘dethroned prince syndrome’ are:

• Do not punish, yell, or get angry at the older child for being jealous.
• Before the birth of the sibling, prepare the child by explaining what is going to happen and anticipating what this novelty will entail. For this preparation, it can be useful to be accompanied by stories or stories in which it is spoken of the arrival of a brother and the advantages of that event are highlighted. It may also be beneficial to show him pictures of when he was a baby too, implying that he also received specific care at that stage.
• It is important to insist on the explanation that he will be loved the same and that he will not lose the love and attention of his parents. You should not experience the arrival of your brother as a substitute and you should gradually perceive that it is possible to share that parental attention. Spending some time alone with him, playing games, showing affection, and making him feel valued and secure are some good resources to help him cope with the new situation.
• Avoid, as far as possible, that other significant changes in the child's life, such as a change of school or home, coincide with this important novelty. At the same time, it is advisable to maintain the habits and routines that you already have in place (meal times, sleep, customs, etc.).
• Do not use comparisons or encourage competition between siblings.
• It is essential to try to create a climate of good relationship between the two, teach them to cooperate and share, giving the older person some task related to the care of the baby (helping to bathe or change him, ...) and stimulate the approaches with positive expressions (eg "What you take good care of it ”). You should always praise gestures of generosity towards your brother, as well as promote common projects that can excite him. Also explaining the advantages of being the older brother, specifying, for example, the privileges or the things that he can already do can also help him to cope.
• Notify family and friends that they also pay attention to you on your visits. Be aware of the tendency to give excessive affective preference towards the baby and try to avoid it or compensate it with the older one.
• Make it easier for them to freely express how they feel and the fears they may have through games or drawings, so that they can be properly addressed once they are identified.