Differences between Love, Sadism, Masochism and Sadomasochism.

Concepts that are often confused.

Masochism is defined as the sexual sexual perversion of someone who enjoys being humiliated or mistreated by another person. (From L. von Sacher-Masoch, 1836-1895, Austrian novelist). Sadism is defined as the sexual perversion of one who provokes his own excitement by committing acts of cruelty on another person (From D. A. François, Marquis de Sade, 1740-1814, French writer).

Differentiating between Sadism, Masochism and Sadomasochism

These behaviors that we have always related as something unhealthy and related to sexual perversion, it turns out that they have a psychological basis, which is not very different from the basis that binds couple relationships, which are supposed to be based on emotional factors.

Psychological profile

Erich Fromm (1900), German psychoanalyst, considered that people in couples, emotionally dependent on others, tend to have masochistic and sadistic impulses towards their partner as a result of fear of being alone.The masochist, as a result of the fear of being alone, explains it as follows:

The goal of the masochist is to abandon his own individual identity, the one that is free, since he considers that the condition of freedom of the individual means loneliness, something that terrifies him, therefore he looks for something or someone to chain his self to. Sadism shares with masochism this fear of finding himself alone when he loses his object of submission. Thus, the masochist and the sadist create the union of an individual self with another, capable of making each one lose the integrity of his personality, making them reciprocally dependent, with a common objective, not to find themselves alone.

It is therefore necessary to differentiate between sadomasochism, sadism and masochism. For Fromm, in his book The Fear of Freedom [1], masochistic and sadistic character traits tend to help the individual to escape from his unbearable sense of loneliness and helplessness. And they manifest this fear in the following three possible ways.

Masochistic behaviors

• The person feels small and helplessThe person tries to submit to another person, to whom he grants an overwhelming force over him, he is able to convince himself that he can do nothing to avoid it, since he recognizes himself as smaller and helpless.

• Letting oneself be overwhelmed by Pain and agonyWe people think that we have to pay a cost of suffering, but that in the end, inner peace and tranquility will come, we think that this is the price to pay for not being alone, even though we know that this end of happiness does not usually come.

• Abandoning oneself to the effect of intoxicationz: the person prefers to give up his or her own self, his or her own personality, handing it over to another individual who will make decisions for him or her, take responsibility for him or her, but by being part of a person, he or she will not feel alone and will not have to assume doubts in making decisions.

Sadistic behaviors

The person tries to dominate and to have power over the other personThe person tries to dominate and have power over another person, but not to destroy him/her, but to keep him/her by his/her side.

In people both masochistic and sadistic behaviors oscillate over time, these masochistic behaviors are present in couple relationships and are considered as expressions of love, sadistic behaviors are considered as expressions of jealousy and obsession with the partner.

So now, we can reflect on ourselves and ask ourselves if we prefer individual freedom and face loneliness or if we prefer to submit to someone or manipulate a third party so as not to find ourselves alone.

If you think you are in a situation of abuse, we recommend you to read this post: "The 30 signs of psychological abuse in a relationship "Bibliographical references:

• Fromm, E. (1993). The fear of freedom. Masterpieces of Contemporary Thought. Barcelona. Planeta-Agostini