Difficulties of reconstituted families

Reconstituted families are becoming more and more frequent in our society. They are made up of a couple in which one or both members bring children from a previous relationship and, therefore, the starting point can be originated by two main causes: the death of one of the spouses or the previous divorce of one or of the two.

• This type of family needs a period of adaptation that you have to know how to manage well.
• Difficulties can arise in the couple, and also in relation to the children, and both have to take care of each other.
• Many health companies offer in their policies a Psychological Guidance Service to which you can go for advice in cases like this.

Step by Step

The long process of adaptation to the new coexistence represents important changes and challenges for all members and the couple must make significant decisions with greater complexity than in traditional families. Therefore, such adaptation must be managed properly.

Some decisions that the new spouses will have to make are:

• The place where they will live; that is, if they are established in a new residence or in one of the previous homes of the members.
• The use of money, adaptation, if applicable, to a new economic status and the decision to create a common fund or maintain separate accounts.
• The role that each member will adopt in relation to the upbringing and education of the other member's children. It is important not to try to replace the absent father or mother, but to assume a complementary role.
• Assess the need to adopt new rules, limits and customs, according to the new situation.
• The management of the visits or meetings of the children with the other father or mother and the accommodation to the degree of involvement and collaboration in the upbringing and education of the existing children.

Likewise, some of the possible difficulties that may appear in these new situations are:

• Old hurts or unresolved issues from previous relationships may appear or affect the new situation. It must be taken into account that these new families start from a previous grieving process, since they are created after the death or divorce of one of the spouses.
• Difficulties in cultivating the relationship, especially if there are young children or adolescents who may be affected by changes in their context and demand special attention from their parents. Generally, in these situations, parent-child relationships precede the relationship between the spouses and, therefore, do not follow the usual process of traditional families, in which the couple relationship is cultivated first and then the children arrive. .
• Difficulties on the part of children to accept and adapt to the new situation and a new adult, especially until there is greater mutual knowledge and a strengthening of the new relationships between all. Children may show oppositional behavior or boycott the new adult, along with the desire to expel him. In these cases, a frequent mistake on the part of the new partner is to become excessively authoritarian or aggressive, which would force the other member to position themselves in defense of the children and would open a gap between the new spouses.
• In cases where the children have two houses, they may threaten to move to the other as blackmail if they are not granted something or are not allowed to do what they want.
• Jealousy on the part of the absent parent towards the relationship of their children with the new spouse or excessive interference may appear.
• If both members of the new couple have children from a previous relationship, they will tend to apply different authorities with their own children, with those who already have a certain model in place, and with the children of the other member. This situation can lead to differences and comparisons that will hinder the relationship and integration between the stepbrothers.
• Often times, all these types of situations can arouse feelings of guilt in parents for making their children go through these processes and there is a tendency to try to compensate with greater permissiveness or overprotection, which should be avoided.

Among the objectives or challenges that these new families must set for themselves, we can point out:

• • Create a sense of belonging to the new family, seeking or creating points of union or affinity between members and organizing common activities.
  • Establish the new couple relationship after previous experiences of divorce, separation or death. It is important to look for spaces of mutual knowledge, communication, intimacy and, in general, cultivation of the relationship.
  • Develop new relationships between stepparents-stepchildren and stepbrothers, fostering cooperation among all. Children must be given time to accept and assimilate the new situation that is new for them and in which they have often not been involved until they have found themselves immersed in it.
  • Maintain, as far as possible, a cordial relationship with the former spouse in order to adequately deal with the obligation they have in common regarding the education of their children.

MEDICAL GUIDANCE SERVICE

Mapfre offers its insured the Psychological Guidance Service that offers access to specialists 24 hours a day for free. .