Divorce at 60, an upward trend

Divorces of people over 60 have tripled in the last decade in our country, and it is a trend that is on the rise. The so-called "Silver divorces" They are a new demographic phenomenon that is taking hold more and more in our sociocultural context and that has come to stay. It is seen that taking a turn in the life path and reinventing oneself is a possibility at any age.

What is changing?

People who are over 60 years old in our country today have nothing to do with people over 60 years old a decade or two ago. The social, cultural, demographic and economic changes They have led this population sector to have a very different intellectual level, beliefs and values. They are no longer in their sixties, septuagenarians, octogenarians, but in their sixties, seventies, eighties.

, the couple is reunited in another way. Hours together increase, routines change, vital roles are lost ... and new ways of life have to be reorganized. The same is true due to the. We complain when the children leave home late, but when they leave, we stay face to face with our partner. If the relationship is not solid or there is no authentic project in common, it is easy for it to break down.

Factors that facilitate this trend

• Increase in life expectancy. Increasing longevity and quality of life also broadens expectations of what one has a right to desire. Do I want my next 20-30 years to be like this or do I want to dare to make a change?
• Activity level. Most of the people of 60, 70 and even 80 years, lead an active life, practice sports or various activities, travel when they can, interact with other people ... You are more aware of the need for self-care, to take advantage of time and to live from day to day.
• Decline of religiosity and the control of behavior based on beliefs. This has produced the destigmatization of divorce, ceasing to be seen as a scourge or something shameful. The legal hurdles have also been relaxed, making it easier to take the plunge. On the other hand, family values ​​are no longer seen as the only social support, and are extended to other relational foci, with the friends that one chooses also gaining prominence.
• Practical aspects. The mortgage is already paid, the economic situation stabilized, the children are older and independent and there are fewer responsibilities to take care of.
• The liberation of women. Many women are now rebelling against the subordination they have suffered, and given that current circumstances allow more openness compared to those in the past, new forms of personal fulfillment and new models of the couple relationship are being sought.
• Sex life. Drugs like viagra or facilitators that reduce the symptoms of menopause have made people. If there are differences of opinion in the members of the couple, it may be a factor that creates distance.
• The media. Bill Gates (65), Mario Vargas Llosa (81), Felipe González (75), Morgan Freeman (80), Susan Sarandon (70), Media references that facilitate normalization and influence as motivators at the individual level: “and why I do not?".
• Vital learning. Having lived through various situations and experiences has facilitated the learning of personal coping strategies that allow better emotional management.
• The health crisis. Another impact that has had on the pandemic has also been transferred to this sector of the population pyramid, triggering divorces in the last year.

What can you facilitate?

Although all ruptures (even those two-way desired) are a mourning for a broken project and need an emotional readjustment, there are some variables that can facilitate this transit to develop in a healthy way.

• Empathy within the relationship. The greater the respect and collaboration between the members of the couple, the easier they will relocate later.
• Social environment. If the couple has social support, it will be easier for them to start a new life in a healthy way. In the same way, that there are clear limits and that the children or grandchildren do not invade the privacy of the couple trying to influence or intercede, it is also very important to avoid family suffering.
• The personality Of the members.
• The illusion and the desire to start a new way of life.
• Emotional maturity and psychological resources.

The post divorce

Divorce involves re-learn to live in a different way. Although the procedures in this stage of the life cycle are usually friendlier than in previous stages, there are differences in the subsequent approach between women and men. Although they prefer a model of life more focused on self-realization and serenity (no matter how active it is), they tend to remarry more frequently.

• Upon reaching retirement, the couple found each other in a different way. Hours together increase, routines change, vital roles are lost, children leave home ... and new ways of life have to be reorganized.
• The stabilized economic situation, the lengthening of sexual life, the media references, the health crisis ... are factors that have tripled the divorces of people over 60 years in the last decade in Spain.
• That there are clear limits and that the children or grandchildren do not invade the privacy of the couple trying to influence or intercede, it is also very important to avoid family suffering.

Health psychologist and psychotherapist at Teladoc