Do we know how to listen? Important aspects of active listening

We explain some communication problems that destroy our ability to empathize.

A study confirms that most people are incapable of actively listening to their interlocutor for more than 3 minutes at a time. On the other hand, various surveys show that approximately 50% of the Spanish population feels lonely and lonely..

It is inevitable to think that there is a parallel between the feeling of loneliness and isolation and a society that has not learned to listen.

Is listening the same as hearing?

The first thing to do is to distinguish between hearing and listening.r. While hearing simply means receiving information through our auditory channels, listening implies intentionality. It implies an effort to pay attention to what the other person is telling us, in an attempt to create effective and empathetic communication.

What difficulties prevent us from listening actively?

Do we know how to listen attentively to our interlocutor? There are several reasons that can interfere and detract from the quality of the active listening process. Some of them are the following.

Inability to tolerate silence

Most people feel uncomfortable when silences occur in a conversation, especially in front of strangers. That is why while the interlocutor speaks they think about what they are going to say next, diminishing their attention to the information transmitted by the speaker so as not to be left with nothing to say immediately.

2. Judgments and comparisons

In many cases what makes listening difficult is a series of judgments that are made in thought that have nothing to do with what the speaker is trying to say (I like his shirt, he doesn't look good in green, he seems to have put on weight, he looks better with short hair than me, etc.).

3. Focusing attention

This consists of focusing attention only on one aspect of the conversation and thinking about it, ignoring the rest of the information provided by the speaker.

4. Having "your mind elsewhere".

This is one of the most common interferences. While the speaker is talking, the person begins to remember an event that happened the other day, to plan the evening dinner or to think about the job interview he/she has the next day, paying little or no attention to what the other person is telling him/her.

5. Being concerned about being liked

This happens especially in insecure people. They focus on thinking if their posture is correct, if they are smiling enough, if the answers they are giving are the right ones, etc. They lose attentional capacity and therefore quality in listening.

6. Continuous interruptions

There are certain people who for various reasons need to talk continuously and be the center of attention in a conversation. That is why they continually interrupt the speaker's discourse by providing data from their own personal experience, taking the conversation to their own territory in order to talk about themselves or give advice.

7. Environmental distractions

Surely we have all felt the frustration of wanting to talk to someone who is constantly looking at their cell phone, television or computer screen. Environmental distractions make listening very difficult, as attention is divided towards several different stimuli.

Active listening for better communication

Therefore, if we want to learn to listen actively, we must make an effort to reduce all these inferences and develop our attentional capacity in the here and now.

Create a climate of respect where we understand that what the other person has to tell us is important, and therefore deserves that we put all five senses into it, just as we would like the people who listen to us to do.

"Listen, you will be wise. The beginning of wisdom is silence" -Pythagoras