Do you feel lonely in your relationship?

Many women are involved in unsatisfactory relationships that lead to loneliness.

While in consultation, a patient told me that she feels lonely even though she has a partner.. She feels the burden of holding a job, taking the children to school, helping them with their homework, taking them to the doctor and feeling obliged to have sex with him for fear that he will be unfaithful.

This is what she said, "You know, I'm so tired of doing everything myself, I feel like he lives his life while I have his clothes and food ready for him..... Occasionally he helps with things around the house, but his biggest concern is that I no longer have the sexual energy I had before I became a mom. I don't know what direction to take, because I love him, but I also don't know what to do so that he doesn't leave me alone with everything."

A tendency towards loneliness?

Studies in Latin America have found that 54% of people who live with a partner and have young children report feeling lonely in their lives.. They have found three factors that influence this situation and are:

• The effect of social networks on the ways of expressing affection (without contact, by emoticons, gifs, videos, written and non-verbal messages, etc.).
• Work overload.
• Financial worries.
• Hypermaternity (mother's self-demands to protect children from current life conditions).

Other studies carried out by the Autonomous University of Mexico found that the fact of feeling lonely with a partneris a consequence of:

• The communicative distance, which occurs when people no longer share the stories of their days with the security of being next to a trusted person to share dreams, ideals and plan.
• Feeling the absence of that person who is considered special and intimate, generating long-term frustration, failure and fear of change.

A couple dynamic that fosters loneliness and frustration.

I have found in my professional experience that when personal interests prevail over common ones, the couple's relationship is at risk of ending..

I have also observed that, in turn, judgment, criticism and threats destroy esteem and build the monster of intolerance, making communication unmanageable. We achieved a doctorate in yelling, a master's degree in indifference and we are professionals in selfishness (we want to be right).

Supermaternity, on the other hand, is a never-ending story, because many times we women tend to consider men too much, or even worse, we tend to consider men too much.Because many times we women tend to consider men too much or worse, we are convinced that they can't do things the way we do. And leaving this message in their minds is a way of programming them to consider us as the only ones in the business, to leave us at the head of the upbringing and to use that time on them.

The bottom line is that we have made ourselves the autogoal of life: we feel lonely, tired and libido-less.. And curiously, in many cases men feel lonely and even displaced by their children, immediately after, social networks and plans among friends are waiting for them.

What to do?

If you feel that your partner and you have separate lives Despite living together in the same space, the first thing you should do is to dialogue to find out what are the common interests (including communication), then write down the steps that each one can take looking in the same direction. And start doing it until you achieve it.

For example: define that a common interest is to go on dates together again. The steps are:

• Divide childcare duties.
• Leave them in the care of a trusted person.
• Arrive early on the day of the date.
• Make restaurant reservations.
• Use loving words, avoiding silences.
• And give yourself completely to the moment.

Remember to write down each thing you will work on togetherFor each of them, write down the steps. You have to move through them progressively, and as a rule, it is best to start with:

• Having conversations without shouting
• An agreement to: avoid laughter (because it may generate a sense of mockery).
• And be willing to listen to each other.

One way to address this situation is to reflecting on:

• What are our common goals and how to help each other achieve them?
• How can I make my life as a couple work, without justifying that I don't have time?
• What can we do to help each other when we are tired from too many responsibilities and achieve adequate energy for sexual intimacy?
• How can I carry out my personal interests without affecting the objectives we have as a couple?
• What do I need from myself to adjust the things that I feel are taking away from my relationship with my partner?

I invite you to contact me. Tell me how you feel, what you think or if you need therapeutic help.