Emotional dependence in couple relationships

| A person with emotional dependence on his partner is characterized mainly by having an urgent affective need, a strong desire to feel loved by his sentimental partner and the tendency taken to the extreme to seek great intimacy with him.

This type of relationship usually involves dynamics of submission and idealization towards the couple, who easily becomes the center of their attention and the only valid reference, around which everything else revolves.

Emotional dependence can be equated to an addiction, in which the person suffering from it experiences a great need to consolidate and preserve the bond in which they are and to quickly resume or form one if it ends. Therefore, it is not a union for practical reasons of helplessness, search for care or protection, since a person with emotional dependence is usually autonomous and she's used to fending for herself. It is primarily a search for affection.

What characterizes dependent people?

People with emotional dependence on their partner are characterized by:

• Having a loss and, on the other hand, tend to admire, overvalue and idealize your partner, creating unfounded expectations around the established relationship and an excessive illusion at the beginning of it.
• Need to get the approval of your partner to be able to harbor a feeling of tranquility and security. They constantly seek confirmation that they are important to the other.
• Be afraid of loneliness, to the rejection of the person they love, along with a high fear of being abandoned at any time.
• Be willing to submit to the sentimental partner in order to obtain his affection and to not feeling empty or lonely. This fact shows that they tend to act according to what the couple expects of them, they are capable of putting the couple's needs before their own and they may feel afraid to express their own points of view or opinions or to demand their rights.

How is it advisable to act in this situation?

A person with emotional dependence usually repeats the same relationship style as a couple throughout the successive relationships that he goes through in his life. That is why it is important that you modify that pattern that you tend to establish.

Some suggestions you can carry out are:

• Have awareness of imbalance that exists in the relationships that he builds and the suffering and the high price he must pay for this situation.
• Learn to establish links in which equality prevails and in which both members can feel respected in their individuality and in the particular needs of each one.
• Bear in mind that it is not a good decision to submit to the other person with the aim of keep your darling because usually, and over time, the opposite effect to the desired one is obtained, in which situation very destructive relationships are usually fostered for both members.
• Be aware that this type of link leads to inability to function in daily dynamics as a person with his own identity, independent and responsible for his own life.
• Work in the enhancement of self-esteem and in the development of certain social skills, such as assertiveness, to learn to defend one's rights, opinions and interests.
• Seek the professional help of a psychologist in order to improve the current relationship with the couple or establish future more satisfactory and balanced relationships.

• Emotional dependence is characterized by a great affective need that has consequences for the person who suffers it and for the partner.
• For fear of loneliness or low self-esteem, they are people who need to feel loved and seek the continued approval of their partner.
• It is important that they learn to develop relationships in which equality predominates to create healthy and balanced relationships.

Elena Killed

Specialist in Clinical Psychology