Empathy, much more than putting yourself in the other person’s shoes

We define empathy and explain why it is an essential quality for your life.

Empathy is one of the most important competencies included in emotional intelligence. The word comes from the Greek words meaning "within him" and "what is felt". However, the real meaning of this psychological phenomenon is even more important than the ability to put oneself in the place of another.

What is empathy?

Empathy is the ability to understand the emotional life of another person, almost in all its complexity.. This does not necessarily imply sharing the same opinions and arguments that justify the state or reaction expressed by the other person. It does not even mean agreeing with the interlocutor's way of interpreting emotionally charged situations.

Empathy refers, among other things, to active listening, understanding and emotional support. Furthermore, empathy implies having sufficient capacity to differentiate between the affective states of others and the ability to take perspective, both cognitively and affectively, with respect to the person who expresses his or her emotional state to us.

Its components

Perhaps on some occasions you have not felt listened to due to lack of feedback, support or understanding. On many other occasions, you may feel that you have not been able to attend adequately and empathetically to the emotional state of the other person and you ask yourself: What do I need or should I do to be more empathetic in my daily life?

Fundamentally, the components of empathy are the following:

1. Knowing how to listen

Pay attention to what the other person is explaining or arguing, pay attention to non-verbal manifestations, such as gestures that correspond to the mood being verbalized and do not interrupt the verbal discourse.

Also, reflect on what the other person is communicating to you, express active follow-up signals as feedback: look at your face, nod your head or reflect facial expressions congruent with what the other person is explaining to you. the other person is explaining.

On the other hand, it is necessary to show interest by asking for details about the content of the conversation.

2. Interpret non-verbal cues

Understand paralinguistic messages transmitted, such as intonation, response time, volume...

3. Show understanding

We can show congruent understanding of what is being explained to us through phrases such as: "I understand why you acted this way". "I understand how you feel". "The truth is, you must have had a great time"....

One should not invalidate, reject or judge the emotions of the person expressing them This is a fundamental premise for showing empathic sensitivity.

4. Provide emotional help if necessary

It is important to always ask our interlocutor if he/she needs any kind of help.. However, on many occasions, by simply listening actively to the other person, we allow him/her to "vent" and manage his/her emotional state. In this way, he feels relieved to have a reliable listener to whom he can transmit his emotions.

When the person who listens empathically has lived an emotional situation similar to the one being expressed, the communicative process is more fluid, since a greater emotional attunement is produced.

Why practice it?

Empathy, as a skill of emotional intelligence, is important because it makes it possible to experience different benefits.

• It allows you to enjoy social relationships by participating more with your group of friends, colleagues or family.
• Helps to feel better personally.
• Facilitates conflict resolution.
• Predisposes to help others and share.
• Increases charisma and attractiveness.
• Allows to be more respectful.
• Develops leadership, negotiation and collaboration skills, as well as being better considered by others.

How to cultivate empathy?

Practicing empathy helps us to broaden our perspectives and thus enrich our world with new ideas, points of view and opportunities.points of view and opportunities.

It is a key social skill that, as we have already seen, allows us to listen better, understand and ask better questions, three fundamental aspects of good communication. It is also one of the foundations for building strong and enriching relationships based on trust, communication and respect.

You can incorporate into your routine three simple practical exercises to improve your empathy.

1. Ask questions and show interest

Start any encounter or conversation with open-ended, personalized questions: How are you? How are you doing at work? How is the project you started going? How was your vacation?

Showing closeness and interest in the other person, leave room for them to open up and simply receive..

2. Read theater scripts

Read theater scripts and focus on one character.. Look for what is beyond the words in the text; the personal history, previous experiences, hidden fears, desires and illusions, the emotions that are at the surface of the skin...

3. Choose a person

Choose a person at random and try to find out through their non-verbal communication what moves them (emotion and thought) to do what they are doing. (emotion and thought) to do what they do and how they do it. A good time to carry out this exercise is on public transportation, in a coffee shop... These places are rich in scenes that can be used to practice empathy.