Facing Christmas when someone has been lost

| Christmas is for many people the most beautiful time of the year, but 2020 has been particularly dramatic in terms of mortality figures due to the covid-19 pandemic.How to handle these holidays when someone important has been lost? What does that empty chair at the table suppose?

Until 44 % of the population have a negative experience of Christmas. It has come to be called "" Or "" and includes reactions such as sadness, homesickness, anxiety, stress, loss of appetite, insomnia, irritability, or poor concentration.

If, in addition, the person is in the middle of mourning the loss of a loved one, enjoying calm and happy holidays becomes very complicated. Being in a celebratory environment where you are supposed to be happy when you are not, greatly complicates the situation.

How to approach Christmas if you have lost a loved one?

Although the idea that repeats itself in your head is likely to lock yourself at home and hope that everything happens as soon as possible, this strategy is not really a relief. Avoidance only increases pain and postpones grief. It is important to be able build a different Christmas, accepting the sadness that it entails, and incorporating new customs to live the holidays.

•  Decide in advance how you want to spend the most important days. If you plan to meet other people, express your expectations and plan how you would like them to be
• Ask for help with practical things if you need it, do not feel obliged to take care of everything. The preparations can be very stressful.
• Don't feel guilty for doing different things. It is important that you live these days in an authentic way, without feeling forced into anything.
• Respect your emotions and allow yourself to express them. Contradictory feelings, a sense of dislocation, ups and downs in your state of mind ... allow everything that arises to have a place, each person feels in their own way.
• Anticipate and find ways to "recharge" during the previous days, for example, with physical exercise, reading ...
• Pay tribute to your loved one, Create new traditions or rituals that honor their memory.
• Take little breaths during celebrations if you feel overwhelmed. Cultivate serenity through silence, breathing, crying ...
• Beware of excesses: alcohol, self-medication ... Even if you need to "anesthetize" the suffering, in these ways you will only postpone it. going through the middle.
• Reinforces your spirituality and belief system, whether religious or secular. It can help you reconnect with important parts and bring you serenity.
• Do not forget that in the end, Christmas is a few days of the year, and they will also pass.

• It is important to be able to build a different Christmas, accepting the sadness that it entails, and incorporating new customs to live the holidays.
• Respect your emotions and allow yourself to express them. Remember that there are no pre-established norms, each person feels in their own way.
• Honor your loved one, create new traditions or rituals that honor their memory. It doesn't have to be public

Health psychologist and psychotherapist