Facing the arrival of children

The experience of being parents is an especially important moment for the members of a couple, since, from the birth of the first child, both stop being just a couple to become, at the same time, parents. This implies learning to combine markedly different roles and functions.

• A test: the birth of the first child puts the couple to the test.
• Previous stability: it is essential to ensure the stability of the relationship before becoming parents.
• It does not solve: the arrival of a child can exacerbate relationship problems.

One before and one after

There is no doubt that the arrival of the children marks a before and after in the life of the couple, signaling the beginning of a new stage of the life cycle, full of satisfactions and pleasures, but at the same time full of new problems. difficulties and challenges. The birth of the first child is an event that often tests the couple. That is why it is very important to ensure the stability of the relationship before embarking on this new adventure. At the moment of making the decision to become parents, both members must share the desire to assume the functions that the new situation entails in a voluntary, mature and responsible way and they must feel that they are in the right vital moment to take that great step. DOES NOT SOLVE PREVIOUS COUPLE PROBLEMS

Educating children is a great opportunity to consolidate the couple and to grow on a personal level. However, we must not make the mistake of wanting to have children to solve them since, in those cases, it is very likely that instead of helping to solve them, they will become more acute. Procreation does not subtract problems from the relationship, but rather adds them, so that the percentage of couple conflicts related to the education of children is very significant in relation to conflicts due to other reasons.

Important decisions that it entails

The challenges that a couple must face when they become a family are complex. The first challenge of this vital learning is to realize that the child that has just been born will bring about a radical change from the previous lifestyle.

Some of the decisions that the members of the couple will have to make when they become parents are:

• The position that they are going to give the children in relation to the couple, that is, the dedication they are going to offer to the care and enjoyment of the little ones and the space they wish to preserve exclusively for the couple. In this sense, it is advisable to cultivate the two spaces, that is, to “act as parents” with what it implies of upbringing, enjoyment and education and, at the same time, “be a couple”, looking for moments of intimacy and communication between members.
• The role and importance they want to give grandparents and other family members in raising children.
• Agreements on the organization of raising children. The distribution of functions and responsibilities are necessary and must be reviewed and modified according to the different stages the minors go through.
• It will be necessary to negotiate and agree on the style of discipline, the model of education and the values, beliefs and principles that you wish to transmit. It is essential that children can feel recognized, valued and loved by their parents. At the same time, they must socialize, both with children their age and with adults, feeling protected and safe. For the success of these objectives, it is essential that parents learn to give, but also to ask. Therefore, they must also establish limits and rules that children must learn to respect.