Forgiveness and health

Forgiveness has traditionally been approached almost exclusively from religion and morality. However, the fact that it is such a topic due to the difficulties it entails, has promoted that the health sciences, mainly psychology and medicine, also analyze and work on it.

Forgiveness is an option

The offense (and the pain it entails) is something inherent in the life of any human being, and generates emotional reactions (anger, sadness, humiliation, hatred ...), cognitive (repetitive thoughts, looking to blame, thinking about how I should have behaved ...) and behavioral (Avoid the offender or show detachment in their presence, for example.). They all hurt us at one time or another, what varies is what we do with what they have done to us. In the event of a grievance, we can:

• Seek revenge.
• Seek justice.
• Modify the narrative about the offense (justifying it or excusing the aggressor).
• Resign ourselves.
• Deny the offense or its involvement.
• Etc.
• … And forgive.

That is, we can decide what to do with that pain. Depending on how we manage it, we will have some consequences or others at the health level.

Health effects

There are multiple studies that confirm that not forgive generates a increased physiological activity, which increases the probability of develop physical and psychological symptoms. Forgiveness (or its absence) could produce these effects:

In physical health

• cardiovascular response (changes in heart rate and blood pressure).
• Facial muscle tension and electrodermal response.
• Stress: effects on cortisol or total cholesterol and autonomic reactivity.
• Immune system.
• It can increase the likelihood of chronic pain, substance abuse, traumatic brain damage, or cancer.

In mental health

• Anxiety.
• Depression.
• Neuroticism
• Perceived stress.
• Low self-esteem.

Forgiveness is a right (not an obligation)

If the person forgives, it must be only because they have done so. decided. Forcing to forgive (when you are not yet ready, when it is not viable or when the circumstances do not exist) can generate health problems, such as not forgiving, ambivalent feelings towards oneself or even precipitate situations of vulnerability in the face of future aggressions ( for example, in cases of gender violence). Forgiveness is a way to improve the situation. It is a right of the offended. Has two types of functions:

• Negative dimension: reduction of post-aggression discomfort.
• Positive dimension: personal transformation, self-healing, creation of a new sense that generates well-being, a new way of perceiving oneself, others and the world.

Forgiving makes it possible for the offended person to stop feeling a victim and come to be considered a survivor.

What is not to forgive?

• Forgiving does not have to imply reconciliation. Forgiveness is a way of inner liberation and, therefore, concerns exclusively the individual. Reconciliation is a social act, it implies restoring the damaged relationship with the offender. You can forgive the other and not recover the relationship, and also the opposite, you can recover the relationship without personal work and overcoming the damage ("false forgiveness").
• Forgiveness does not seek to forget. "I forgive, but I do not forget" is a very popular phrase. Forgiving is more than not thinking about the offense, it implies a psychological elaboration of what happened, and for this it is necessary to remember it, be aware. It is not about forgetting the offense, but about stop having recurring thoughts and eliminate the desire for revenge, and that is most likely having forgiven. According to the data from the research, they show higher levels of forgetfulness (both in reference to the characteristics of the aggressor and the offense).

• There are multiple studies that show that not forgiving generates an increase in physiological activity, which increases the probability of developing physical and psychological symptoms.
• If the person forgives, it must be only because they have decided to do so. Forcing to forgive (if you are not prepared, it is not feasible or the circumstances do not exist) can lead to health problems.
• Forgiveness is a way to improve the situation and has two functions: reduction of post-aggression discomfort; and personal transformation, self-healing, generator of well-being ...

Specialist in Clinical Psychology