Get over a breakup

The conditioning factors

A breakup is always a painful and difficult experience. However, some important aspects to take into account and that will influence the separation, facilitating or hindering it, are:

• The one who has actively decided to break up is in a different situation than the member who does not want the separation but is forced to accept it. You are also part of a very different situation when it comes to a mutually agreed decision.
• The reason or reasons for the separation and the time that the quality of the love bond has deteriorated.
• The clarity of the situation in which the members find themselves just after the separation decision. The case of a couple who has decided to separate but continue to live together for a while or maintain frequent contact is very different from that of the couple who stop seeing each other and maintain contact.
• The permanence of common aspects after the separation, such as children, or certain shared work projects.

Reconstruction

One of the biggest challenges after a breakup is rebuilding your daily life, which involves making a decision about which course to choose and how to start over. It's about taking care of yourself in order to get ahead. However, in this new situation, confusion and disorientation are common.

The duel

There are different phases, stages and moments during grief, although in reality each process is unique and there are a varied number of factors that can influence its course. It is important to try to go through the process in the least painful and most rewarding way possible.

You cannot start grieving after a breakup if you have not made sure that the relationship is definitely over and that the separation is real. If there are doubts, confused feelings, hopes of coming back or second chances, you are not in a position to start the real grieving process. For this reason, it must be borne in mind that a breakup does not mean only physical distance, but the inner conviction that there is no going back in the relationship.

But the fact of having the decision actually made and the conviction that the relationship cannot be resumed does not mean that the process will be exempt from certain emotions, considered totally normal, legitimate and necessary in any grieving process, such as: sadness, grief, guilt, anger, anguish, loneliness, emptiness, rage or disappointment, among others.

Some considerations that can be carried out after a separation and that can facilitate the process are:

• Express the emotions that arise, such as sadness and anger, accepting them without fear and without limitations. It is important to be aware that the pain you feel is understandable and expected and that you have the right to express it.
• Talk honestly about the situation you are going through with the closest and most trusted people.
• Write, expressing the thoughts and feelings you have or expressing the experience you are going through.
• Give yourself the time necessary for the grieving process, without getting impatient or being influenced by other people's rush.
• Make an analysis of the relationship ended, assessing the positive and negative aspects of it as well as detecting learnings and considerations to take into account for future relationships.
• Reserve moments for certain leisure activities such as reading or sports. Separation is an opportunity to carry out certain activities for which there was no time before or which, for one reason or another, had never been carried out.
• Actively seek contact and support from family and friends. It is important to strengthen social relationships.
• Promote cultural life by visiting museums, exhibitions or attending conferences, among other activities.
• Take care of the work environment and the satisfaction and self-realization in it.
• Resume previously abandoned studies, such as languages ​​or sign up for a course that is of interest.
• Set personal goals, plan and implement actions to achieve them.
• Take care of yourself, indulge in little whims and establish healthy lifestyle habits.
• Recover normality as soon as possible.

Related topics

• You cannot start grieving after a breakup if you have not made sure that the relationship is definitely over and that the separation is real.
• By breakup we do not mean only physical distance, but the inner conviction that there is no going back in the relationship.
• Strengthening social relationships, setting personal goals or reserving moments for leisure activities are some tips that will help facilitate the separation process.