Healing a broken heart: 7 keys to deal with heartbreak

Breakups can lead to a series of psychological and emotional problems.

One might even think that the opposite of love is not hate, but love failure. The sense of loss that is often referred to as "heartbreak is a type of grief that can be very difficult to cope with.. Not only does it entail a loss in terms of future situations (the impossibility of feeling and acting in the same way again while being with a certain person) but it also makes us question the authenticity of all the experiences we have had in the real or imagined company of that person.

• Recommended article: "The 5 phases to overcome the mourning of a breakup".

The feeling of having a broken Heart is hard not only because of the material changes that accompany it, such as the fact of no longer seeing or seeing much less of a person, but also because of the existential doubts that it introduces in us. Have we experienced unrequited love? Has the other person changed, or has it been us? Did our relationship necessarily have to come to an end, or could we have fixed it? Have we done something to deserve to be heartbroken?

These are not questions that we ask ourselves with the detachment with which a scientist studies a group of cells: they are doubts that are originated by a series of feelings such as guilt, sadness and disappointment, and the way in which we answer them will also have a clear emotional impact on us.

Can a broken heart be healed?

It is clear that being heartbroken (or, rather, being broken-hearted ourselves) has a very important impact on our lives. will these feelings and ideas stay with us forever? Is it irremediable that this discomfort becomes chronic in us?

The feeling of sadness and helplessness can be suffocating, but, nevertheless, broken hearts can be healed. Healing a broken heart can take time and effort, but it is possible for one simple reason: just as emotional pain has been caused by a series of learned behaviors and thoughts, we can unlearn everything that makes us feel bad.

To get down to work with this recovery, rather than focusing on tips to heal a broken heart, it is important to focus on ideas, vital principles that have to accompany us in our day to day life.. In the end, advice can only be given if the circumstances of each person are known and can be examined and discussed between the two parties.

The solution, then, is to embrace certain ideas and keys to life that make us reorganize the schemes with which we interpret our environment, ourselves and others. Here you can read 7 of these keys.

1. Opening new possibilities

The fact of feeling heartbroken is an anomaly that can lead you to live new and atypical situations that you had never experienced before. and atypical situations that we would not have experienced otherwise. For example, if you feel lonely, it will lead you to take the initiative and meet other people who may be very valuable to you in the future.

If you feel so bad that you don't want to do anything, forcing yourself to do the opposite of what your body tells you (to break the dynamic of sadness) can lead to the same result. In any case, you'll be doing things you never used to do, and in a new way. From negative feelings you can extract opportunities.

• I recommend you read: "Guide to meeting new people: places, skills and tips".

2. Heartbreak as an engine of creativity

Often, even the most adverse situations can be profitable. The feelings triggered by the sensation of having a broken heart can be a source of new creations that can also help you make sense of the pain you feel at that moment.

You can try writing down what you feelusing your imagination to translate verbatim what you would like to say, or you can develop any project in which you think the emotional activation you are feeling can help you.

3. The powerful power of attention

Have you ever noticed that throughout history there have been great tragedies and irreparable losses and yet they don't make you feel terrible at every turn? That's because, despite knowing many of these sad stories, you don't pay attention to them in your day-to-day life..

If you think that feeling heartbroken can't help you in any way, it is good for you to know that this pain is there because you feed it with your actions and your recurrent thoughts.It does not exist on its own. This is the reason why many of the advices that are usually given in these cases invite you to keep busy with something, to force yourself to concentrate on new tasks.

4. Embracing humanism

Mending a broken heart means accepting the idea that we are the ones who decide what we can expect from others and from ourselves. There is no indispensable or extraordinary person beyond the value we ourselves place on him or her.

In the same way, there is no objective measure that determines our own value, nor with whom we can or deserve to be. We can decide all that on the experiences we are living in the present. Embracing the humanistic spirit will help us to understand that we are the ones who give meaning and value to things.

5. Stoicism

It is good to keep in mind that we cannot control everything that happens in our lives.. Many good and bad things happen independently of our intentions, and therefore we should not feel guilty about their existence.

The stoic idea that we should only worry about what is directly dependent on what we do is very applicable in the case of a broken heart, which usually involves someone else besides ourselves.

6. Feeling bad is not bad

There is nothing wrong in expressing our sadness to others.. Crying is very helpful in relieving pain, and so is sharing our thoughts with others.

When we are suffering from a broken heart, it is good to take advantage of all the help we are offered and not to throw it away so as not to be a burden or spread the discomfort. After all, we would do the same for other people.

7. Denial does not fix anything

Trying to block memories about what we experienced with someone will only make us focus more on those memories and evoke them all the time. In the same way, denying that we feel bad when it is obvious that it is not the case, will only make us feel a tension that we cannot release, and our way of behaving will become totally artificial.

To give an outlet for the pain of a broken heart, we must accept that these feelings are there, and that they will not disappear.and that they will not disappear in a matter of minutes.