Help children deal with frustration

According to recent data from the Spanish Youth Observatory (), 80% of those under 30 years of age live with their parents. A third of adults aged 30 to 35 years are still not emancipated according to the National Institute of Statistics (). More and more experts confirm that these percentages are not only justified by the unemployment rate and job insecurity, but also due to the personal insecurity and frustration of young people, produced by ineffective educational models that generate vulnerable children with a low sense of responsibility.

Help you turn frustration into learning

The better a child manages frustration, the better he will have and the more successful he will be: it is important to teach the child to persevere, set realistic goals, foster his independence to resolve and teach him how to achieve it by adjusting to his needs, reinforce his achievements when he advances, etc. that is to say, turn frustration into learning. Some strategies:

• Teaches the child to identify the frustration when it appears. Help him put words to it, give himself time, and persevere.
• Teach him when to ask for help. Promotes Let the child try to resolve the situation first.
• Play roles: model your child by teaching him skills in concrete situations, based on interpreting a difficult situation. Let him put himself in one role and then in the opposite. What could you do instead of getting angry?
• Relaxation techniques.
• Consistency: There should be no differences in patterns between the two parents to avoid falling into the “good cop / bad cop” trap. They must also be stable and predictable patterns, which the child can anticipate. This consistency is necessary to promote the child's safety.
• FlexibilityAdapting to changing life circumstances while maintaining essential family values ​​will often be the key to success.

Limits, patience and how to solve problems

The perfect parent does not exist, but they do exist ways to educate that make it more or less skillful. The more skillful the parenting, the more confident and autonomous the children will be when they grow up.

Authoritarian model and hyperprotective model

In recent years there has been a change in the way we educate our children. It has gone from a authoritarian model still hyperprotective model.

CHILDREN WHO DO NOT GROW

Cristina Agud Specialist in Clinical Psychology Advance Medical Consultation Psychologist

• The character of the parents The adult must be respectful, affectionate, approachable, unconditional and able to motivate to the minor to develop.
• Helps and not magic solutions If the child has difficulties, the parent should not solve them the first time, but rather give you resources so that, with your help, achieve the goal. It is about the adult being able to function as a scaffold, where the child can lean on to continue growing and evolving. The frustration It is a normal emotion, it accompanies us throughout life. It is neither good nor bad in itself, but must be learned to manage through the stimulation of the child's personal resources.
  • According to him authoritarian model, In force for years, one or both parents exercise power over their children strictly and in a climate of tension. Children's needs and desires are silenced by the inflexible discipline and duty.
  • The exhaustion of many of the children raised since authoritarianism led to a 180º change in the educational approach, and they became hypermobile and permissive parents, incapable of setting limits.
  • The hyperprotective parent It seeks above all to make life for your child as easy as possible, preventing or avoiding any difficulties. This seemingly beneficial attitude causes children to delegate any minor problems to their parents, and they often react aggressively if their wants and needs are not immediately met. As they are used to having what they want when they want, they get frustrated inevitably if a "no" appears, which leads to strong and authentic explosions of aggressiveness in adolescence. Also, this lack of skills to handle frustration reinforces aggressivenessSince if the child understands that through the tantrum he gets what he wants, he will have more and more tantrums.
  • The more skillful the parenting, the more confident and autonomous the children will be when they grow up. Therefore, far from acting as hyperprotective parents, it is about develop some strategies.
  • Between them, put limits children, while providing them with resources so that they can overcome difficulties without the parents solving them automatically.
  • How much better manage frustration a child, better self-esteem will have and will be more successful: it is important to teach him to persevere, set realistic goals, foster his independence, reinforce his achievements when he advances, etc.
  This type of dynamic that avoids the “no” to the child and gives him what he wants in the event of a tantrum, generates incompetent and fragile children. Personal security and confidence in one's own resources and capabilities is obtained by overcoming obstacles and increasing difficulties, which is why children raised from this model are doomed to dependency and insecurity. It can lead to a myriad of problems, from school difficulties, anxiety disorders or relationship difficulties to depressive, sexual, eating disorders or addictions in adulthood. Children who "do not grow."