How to face hopelessness and return to illusion

The bitterness and pessimism of believing that nothing will get better is a mental trap.

Sometimes, the events we live through seem to go hand in hand with a teaching: nothing can get better. This belief is irrational, but despite being aware of it, we accept it as a golden rule that perfectly describes reality. That is why, facing hopelessness is not easy... but it's not impossible either..

In reality, as much as we may believe that this vital pessimism is totally in line with the way life is unfolding before our eyes and that any more positive interpretation of what the future will be is self-delusion, which we know from research in psychology and thanks to research in psychology and neuroscience shows that this is not the case..

Believe it or not, the hopelessness and pessimism associated with the symptoms of depression and sadness are, like hope and optimism, ways of looking at life that we construct ourselves, and that are not given by "reality" as it is.

The pessimistic life story

It is counter-intuitive and difficult to understand at first, but hopelessness is something that is learned, something that is born in ourselves and that is relatively independent of external events that we cannot control..

That implies two things:

• The predictions we make about how our life is going to turn out depend on our state of mind.

• Hopelessness and pessimism are not more "realistic" ways of looking at things.

But then... why do we tend to think that hopelessness is a way of looking at reality without additives, in a way that is more honest and detached from feelings and desires? If we notice, we tend to see optimists as "dreamers" or "people who don't have their feet on the ground," while we attribute a greater ability to see things without filters to those who are more bitter and pessimistic. we attribute a greater ability to see things without filters to those who are more bitter and pessimistic..

The answer has to do with a psychological compensation mechanism that we will now see.

Compensating for hopelessness

From the time we are small, we learn to see things by attending to the trade-offs between drawbacks and rewards. Going to the bathroom alone means we will receive praise from our parents; neglecting our schoolwork will mean that teachers and our parents will be angry. Somehow, we will notice that in almost everything there is a compensatory mechanism..

Hopelessness causes us to notice a flaw in this way of looking at reality, but not entirely. On the one hand, we see that our efforts do not correspond to the results we obtain (for example, no matter how much we try to make a person like us, he or she does not necessarily treat us better).

In more extreme cases, we notice that absolutely all our efforts to protect our integrity and well-being are in vain, and we may even give up altogether. This phenomenon is known as learned helplessness.

However, the compensatory mechanism survives in the way we judge this hopelessness itself.. Somehow, we come to the conclusion that pessimism is the most realistic way to analyze what is happening. Why? Because being a pessimist is painful, and there must be some compensation.

Paradoxically, that system of balances that people who have lost hope discard because they believe it to be a form of self-deception survives in their ideas, although with a difference: in their case, it only serves to produce bitterness, sadness and discomfort.

Accepting the capacity to construct reality

So, whether we are optimistic or have fallen into despair, our way of looking at things can never be neutral or objective.

Our brain is not made to absorb all the information from the world around us, and the processes that are occurring in the world around us can never be neutral or objective. and the processes taking place in it, but is constantly selecting relevant information through biases... and this is not necessarily a bad thing.

It is simply that there are some interpretations of what is going on that are more useful than others.. And pathological pessimism has no advantage per se, so... why assume that it offers us an insight? why assume that it offers us a more reasonable perspective on the facts?

Facing hopelessness and regaining illusion is not simply a way to feel better: it is a declaration of principles that implies using our own capacity to extract interpretations about the facts for our own benefit, instead of letting them become obstacles that prevent us from moving forward. In fact, this is one of the principles of this is one of the principles of cognitive restructuringone of the components of Cognitive Behavioral Therapies: finding alternatives when reading reality.

So, if you think it would be useful to put some more enthusiasm in your life, you can start by considering the following points.

1. Set yourself goals

Many times, hopelessness is the result of a lack of goals. When there is nothing to do, emotional stagnation, boredom and despair appear.When there is nothing to do, emotional stagnation, boredom and hopelessness appear, since it is assumed that nothing important or good is going to happen.

To get out of this dynamic, set yourself concrete and reasonable goals, such as starting a training plan or starting to learn on your own about a subject. Also, it's good to break this plan down into small, short-term sub-goals, so you can quickly see the progress you're making.

Surround yourself with positive people

Optimism is contagious, so being in contact with people who see things through hope is always positive and stimulating. Getting used to these social circles will give you more opportunities to experience new sensations. more opportunities to experience new sensationsmoments of euphoria and, in general, of happiness.

3. Get out of your comfort zone

Hopelessness is bitter, but it also has an addictive component: It allows you not to take on important responsibilities and not to run the risk of nervous moments.. However, small doses of frustration and stress are necessary to progress in certain areas of life.

For example, for a shy person it may be uncomfortable to meet new people, but after an initial moment of nervousness, the rewards can be much more satisfying than the initial comfort of the comfort zone.

Therefore, it is necessary to try to force oneself to perform acts of courage that in the medium and long term will prove to be positive.