How to get over a breakup and turn the page?

Tips on how to get over a breakup successfully and without unnecessary suffering.

In the practice of psychology it is very common to receive consultations due to this cause: breakups, separations, divorces and heartbreaks..

And the fact is that breakups are becoming more and more common. According to data from the General Council of the Judiciary (CGPJ), separations, divorces and annulments grew in Spain by 5.7% in the period of one year (after the confinement of 2020).

How can we cope with the suffering generated by breakups and achieve overcoming?

The first thing is to be aware that we are going through a bereavement. We have lost an important person in our lives, a person with whom we were affectively linked, a person with whom we have shared not only experiences, but also illusions.

The disengagement is going to be painful and we have to do our part to prevent the grief from becoming chronic, leaving sequels that may interfere in the future. In this sense, I bring you 5 keys to overcome a breakup successfully.

1. Put an end to hope and self-deception

It is common for people going through a breakup to cling to the idea that everything will return to normal, to be as before. They look for a solution, a way to get back together with that person.. Often, they focus on those details that tell them that this possibility exists.

However, they are forgetting to focus on those that are assuring the end of the relationship.

Focus on the evidence that shows that the breakup is a fact.It helps us to keep moving forward in our grieving process and not get stuck in a hope that may lengthen our suffering.

2. Put in place the zero contact

There is a strong intrigue to want to know all the details of the breakup, of the ex-partner, of his new life, and of how he feels.and how you feel. This intrigue is something you must fight against, since continuing to receive information about the ex-partner makes disengagement impossible and increases the level of suffering.

Zero contact is not just about not talking. It consists of not knowing anything about his or her life. Stop checking his or her profile on social networks, stop talking about your ex-partner continuously, stop receiving information about what he/she does or how he/she feels, etc.etc.

Often, it is necessary to block in RRSS to not see photos or information that may interfere with the 0 contact, even ask friends in common (in an assertive way) to stop informing you about him/her.

3. Avoid forbidden acts

There are many acts that will be totally forbidden during your grieving process if you want to get over your breakup successfully and without sequels. Among them:

• Listening to sad music or music with love/dislike lyrics.
• Watching romantic movies or series.
• Seeing pictures of your ex-partner, alone or with you.
• Not doing (isolating yourself from society and giving up hobbies).
• Maintain contact with the ex-partner or with people very close to him/her.

4. Encourage relationships with healthy people

Make a sweep of personal relationships. Think about all the people you have in your life and make an evaluation of their qualities and your relationship and friendship with them. We are social beings and we have more and more people with whom we relate. However, not all of them can be categorized as healthy and secure relationships, and it does not matter, because these other relationships also contribute to us and help us grow, as we learn from them.

In such a difficult moment as a breakup, it is important to strengthen those relationships with healthy and secure people. People who do not feed your hope, your anger or your thirst for revenge.. People who tell you what you refuse to hear. Because those people are the people who really love you.

5. Work on yourself and your self-esteem.

It is time to take care of you. Your mind has received a message that it has come to believe, that "you are no longer valuable". But that message is not true, it is totally distorted by the breakup.

Just because a person decides to continue their life without you doesn't mean you are no longer important to them.. You have been for a while, and, although you are still the same person, your paths have parted, just like that. It is complicated to make your mind understand this, but you are still an equally valuable person and you have people around you who love you and long to see you happy again.

Work on yourself, on your self-care, treat yourself to experiences, moments, conversations... For example, you can go to a spa, incorporate a Skin Care routine, practice a new sport, or take a trip.

This article does not replace a psychological consultation that can be adapted to your particular case. Going to a psychological consultation is also an act of self-care that will help you understand what is happening to you and guide you in building your new life.