How to react to humiliation?

Psychological advice on how to react to humiliation and manage it emotionally.

To have our dignity trampled on is not good for anyone. Humiliation is a very unpleasant feeling, usually the result of social situations in which others undervalue us, consciously or unconsciously, and which are experienced with deep pain.

The reactions to a humiliation can be diverse, and not all of them are convenient. Some people get angry and make the situation worse, others cry and others try to retaliate. It is surprising how a few words spoken with malice or interpreted as offensive can affect us so much.

Being clear about how to react to humiliation in an appropriate way is a complicated thing, not easy at all.. It requires a certain calmness and coolness of mind, as well as the strength to avoid being affected by the words of others. Let's take a closer look below.

How to react to humiliation and mockery?

The feeling of humiliation is an experience whose impact is so intense, so strong, that it can tear us apart. Feeling humiliated is synonymous with feeling erased, confused, confused. feeling erased, confused, helpless, full of rage.. It can even manifest itself in physical sensations, such as stomach pain, and visible emotional reactions, such as crying or fits of anger. A common response to being humiliated is to want to hide, to want the earth to swallow us up and disappear. Often, when we are humiliated, we lose all ability to take action.

It has happened to all of us that at some time we have felt humiliated and it is quite likely that we think about what we could have done at that very moment, or afterwards, to protect ourselves. It's hard to go back to that exact moment and do the right thing, but it's not a bad idea to think about what we could do to protect ourselves if it happens again. to think about what we could do to protect ourselves if it happens to us again, because at the moment we are humiliated, we probably won't be able to think much except how to escape.It is inevitable that we will react in one way or another to a humiliation or humiliation, and we will probably not be able to think much except how to escape.

It is inevitable that we will react in one way or another to a humiliation, but we can avoid the way the words we have been told affect us. We should not give more power to the opinion of others than to our own. Self-esteem is key to managing a humiliating experience. Here are a few suggestions on how to react to humiliation.

1. Take time to think

It is difficult to think clearly at the moment when we are humiliated, because our mind freezes in horror and frustration. However, if we happen to get our brain to start working again instantly, we may discover a way to respond.

But if it doesn't, the best thing to do is to take some time to think of a response while remaining as calm and collected as possible..

We don't have to apologize, accept blame or fight back, as all of these can be counterproductive in the moment. In this situation, the victim can easily be victimized in the most unpleasant way, even when they are absolutely right about their complaints.

2. Don't take it as a personal attack.

It is normal that at first we interpret humiliation as a personal attack but.... What if it is not? It may be that our "aggressor" is really having a bad day and just that day has found us and has made the humiliating comment, or it may be that he or she is already that normal and we have simply crossed paths.

A good tip is that, when faced with a humiliating comment, instead of saying nothing and counterattacking angrily, we stand in silence and show ourselves before him or her with our mouth half open and expressing that emotion of surprise. He or she may not even know that you have made an acidic comment and, by showing us with that gesture of surprise and displeasure at his or her words, he or she may sense that he or she has made an inappropriate remark and is sorry for what he has said to us. Moreover, it may be that by understanding what has happened, he or she is now the person who feels embarrassed.

If you believe that the person who made the humiliating comment did not really mean to embarrass you in front of others, a good way to react to it is to respond in the appropriate tone, simply but directly, in private. You can use the phrase "I know you didn't mean to do that but, when you said that to me, I felt a little upset".

If the case is that you want to embarrass us, you have to be clear about it: no matter what we have done wrong, we do not deserve to be humiliated for it.. It is true that we must take responsibility for our actions and make amends for the mistake we have made, but we must not think that making a mistake means that we are people who should be denigrated.

If a person wants us to feel bad about ourselves, chances are that the problem is with them, that they are frustrated with their lives and feel the need to try to find faults or humiliate others to try to assert themselves. Of course, that is pathological behavior.

Not taking it personally is knowing that you are the victim, not the cause of the problem.

• Related article, "Do you really know what self-esteem is?"

3. Understand the other person's motivation

If the humiliating situation has just happened, now that we are out of danger, we can take some time to think about what might be going on. Understanding the other person's motivation can give us a more global view of why this has happened and, related to what we have already and, related to what we have already discussed above, may allow us to understand that there really has been no intention to hurt us.

Understand does not mean forgiving or feeling sorry for the other person, at least not necessarily.. It is simply a tool to help us get out of the potentially harmful consequences of their behavior. It is also a way to help us not take their actions personally, and to see more clearly that it is some problem that lies in that person rather than in ourselves.

4. Seek support from others

No one can escape humiliation. It is difficult to find someone who has not felt humiliated at some time in his or her life. That is why, it is very easy to find other people who can tell us about their experiences with this emotion, making us feel listened to and, at the same time, providing mutual emotional support in situations of humiliation. and, at the same time, provide mutual emotional support in situations where one felt that one's dignity was trampled upon.

For example, if we have felt humiliated by our boss, it may be that we are not the only ones, and that other colleagues in the office have also had such an experience at some point. Talking to them can allow us to know what tools or strategies they used to know how to get out of it, and also to understand why our boss said that to us.

5. Don't retaliate

Humiliation is a mixture of anger and shameTherefore, feeling the urge to take revenge or retaliate is a consequence of humiliation. We believe that by taking revenge we will be able to restore our damaged self-esteem after the humiliation someone has done to us.

The problem with doing this is that we run the risk of acting without thinking, screwing up even more and giving our humiliator more material to humiliate us further. We can turn a situation in which we were already the victim into an even worse one, making it look like we are the bad guys in the movie. Not retaliating does not have to mean we are being weak.

• Related article, "What is frustration and how does it affect our lives?"

6. Move on

The best reaction to humiliation is to not to allow the person to influence us, whether they have done it innocently or deliberately. We have strengths and the ability to live a full life despite the nasty comments of certain individuals.

If the person who humiliates us does it on purpose and does it continuously, the only possible adaptive option is to cut off the relationship with him or her, whether it is a partner, a co-worker or a boss. It is true that we should not let him/her include us, but if he/she does it constantly and does not seem to learn from what we tell him/her that hurts us, it is best to avoid that person as much as possible.