How to start over after a breakup: 8 tips to follow

Strategies on how to start over after a breakup, step by step.

In a couple's life there are beautiful, romantic and fun moments, but there can also be problems, conflicts and arguments that sooner or later lead to the end: the breakup.

Love breakups are painful, something totally natural. Assuming that someone you loved no longer loves you is difficult and leaves a wound in the Heart that stings for a long time.

But there is no breakup that cannot be overcome. It takes a lot of effort, but it can be done. Knowing how to start over after a breakup is what we are going to discover below.

How to start over after a breakup

Breaking up with a partner is never easy. Whether it was us who broke up or our ex, breakups are undoubtedly one of the most painful experiences we can have. Regardless of what has been what has dynamited the relationship, the breakup of love disrupts us in such a way that, at that moment, it gives us the impression that we will never get over it. We come to believe that the pain will never go away..

Breaking up with someone so strongly shakes up our lives that breakups are precisely one of the most frequent causes to requesting psychological help.. Although it rarely evolves into a pathological condition, it is undeniable that they can affect our mental health, especially if they are badly handled or have occurred without us expecting them.

In order to help you move on, in this article we are going to see how to start again after a breakup, although we already anticipate that there are no magic recipes. It is a process that requires patience, effort, self-reflection, fortitude and, above all, time. It is necessary to trust in the passage of time which, at the end of the day, is what ends up healing the wounds.

Grieving after a breakup

For some people, talking about grief after a breakup may sound strange. Why call it grief if no one has died? No one has died, but something has: a life together. When a couple breaks up, it is inevitable to think in the long term, to believe that in the future the two of you will still be together. and, as a result of this belief, illusions, projects, hopes... All of them die when the breakup occurs, which is why we can live with a lot of pain.

When we break up with our partner, whether it is we who have broken up or the other person has left us, we begin a period of mourning. It is to be expected that both parties go through this grief, but it is usually the one who has been left who suffers it more intensely. There are people who, after a breakup, take some time to tell their loved ones. They do not tell those close to them that they no longer have a partner because they still harbor the hope that this is only a temporary situation, that their expectations will be fulfilled and that the party who has decided to break up will return.

Clinging to the hope that it is a temporary breakup is part of the denial phase of grief associated with this process.. The shock of the breakup may be so great that one refuses to believe that one is in the new situation. It is nothing pathological, at least at first, but rather a strategy that serves to give us a little time to get used to the idea.

Phases of grief due to a breakup of a couple

As in any other bereavement, the bereavement of a breakup involves going through certain phases. Each person can experience it in his or her own way, because even in this aspect, people show individual differences. However, despite personality differences, we can identify some more or less universal phases in all bereaved people. more or less universal phases in all bereavement phases after a breakup.

The first phase is the initial impact, the shock of the breakup. This is especially true for the person who has been dumped, who is surprised by the unexpected news and feels disbelief. This is followed by denial. As we have mentioned, it is common that one of the attitudes of the person who has been dumped is to see the breakup as something merely temporary, the product of a punctual argument or a misunderstanding.

This is one of the reasons why the person does not inform his or her environment of what has happened, in the hope that it is something temporary. You think, "Why report something that is going to be solved? There is hope that they will reconcile, but this is nothing more than false hope and refusal to accept reality.

But you finally begin to understand the fact that you are no longer with the person you loved so much..... Thus begins the next phase, one marked by the intense sadness of having to accept the fact that she no longer loves him. Symptoms of depression begin to appear: sadness, apathy, sleep problems, changes in eating habits, obsessive thoughts... Given the emotional intensity of this stage, it is very important not to repress emotions, but to let them come out. This release is therapeutic, it will help to overcome the breakup in the best possible way.

Finally you accept what has happened and the new situation. This does not mean that, immediately, you will be happy. What happens at this time is that the person begins to cheer up, trying to recover what he/she liked to do before meeting his/her partner and resumes contact with family, friends and other loved ones.

As we said, each person is different and this is also shown in the way he/she goes through the mourning process after a breakup. The mourning process does not have a specific time, but depends on each person.. However, if six months have passed since the breakup and depressive symptomatology is still manifested we can speak of a pathological grief and it is advisable to seek professional help.

What to do to overcome the breakup?

Now that we understand better what it implies to go through a process of rupture we are going to see what we can do to overcome the rupture as soon as possible and in the best possible way. There are no magic recipes that make this process easy and fast, and that is why it is essential to have a lot of patience and allow ourselves to feel what we have to feel. it is essential to have a lot of patience and allow ourselves to feel what we have to feel..

We cannot repress our emotions by letting them eat us up inside. We feel bad, and we have every right in the world to release our emotions. If we don't feel like doing anything, then let's do nothing. If we feel angry, let's allow ourselves to feel and not blame ourselves for it. But this should be for a season, not forever. Stretching it out forever will deprive us of living life, give us the opportunity to find ourselves better.

When we have had enough of crying and feeling bad, even if it still costs us a little and we hardly feel like it, we must force ourselves to do things. It is time to meet up with friends again, go to the gym, study a language, go on an excursion, buy nice clothes, indulge yourself... whatever it takes to get active, to get out of the momentary depression in which the breakup plunged us. And also it is necessary to look for professional help in case we see it necessary.

1. Accept reality

So, just as it sounds: accept reality. The best thing is not to cling to what could have been, nor to obsess about "maybe we can get back together".. Clinging to what you think could have been but has not been, keeping the hope that the relationship will be resumed, is only anchoring to the past and will not let us live the present or the future.

It will cost you, you will not like it at all, but you have to accept that this breakup is part of your life. Accepting reality is painful, but it is much better than holding out hope for something that will not happen and stretching out the suffering it causes.

2. Keeping busy

Keeping busy as long as we can is one of the best ways to get over the breakup.. When we are paying attention to other things, the sadness disappears and little by little we recover the illusion. Almost without realizing it, we get back on our feet and stop obsessing about our ex.

3. Zero contact

A classic in all breakups is to apply the zero contact strategy. This consists of cutting off all possible contact with our ex-partner. No contact with that person is going to help us, the best thing to do is to cut it off.

In order to get to that moment in which our heart no longer hurts, it is essential that we move away completely from that person.. We must remove her from our contacts, not send her messages, delete her from our social networks... in this way we will avoid being aware of him or her, gossiping about her photos to see if she has rebuilt her life.

4. Do not meet as friends

Don't meet your ex as friends. It sounds wonderful that you reach this agreement, but the reality is that it is something very exceptional and rare that, in any case, occurs after overcoming the grief. It is very difficult to be friends with someone you once loved on such an intimate level as a love relationship. Staying friends with an ex right after the breakup only serves to stretch out the pain.contradicting the previous point of zero contact.

5. Don't look for blame

It is better not to look for culprits because, although it is hard to admit it, surely there are none. Of course there will be responsibilities, but these will be shared between the two of you. You both did things that, however small, brought the relationship to a point where it was unnatural to continue it. It is never just one person who is responsible for a breakup.

• You may be interested in, "What is guilt and how can we manage this feeling?"

6. Reestablish contact with loved ones

Dating does not mean that we lose contact with our friends and family. However, there are many times when the love relationship takes such a high priority in our lives that we leave our loved ones a little aside.

Now that we are going through a breakup, there is no longer any excuse to get back in touch with those people we love.. It's time to get back in touch with friends and family, to spend more time with them.

Friends and family are crucial in this period because they will help us to unburden ourselves, expressing what we feel. Of course, we must understand that we should not prolong this venting too long, because if we turn our old relationship into an obsession, we will not be able to free ourselves from the past. Besides, there is a limit to the patience of our friends and family, and having to put up with someone who has been complaining about the past for too long and not doing anything to improve the present is not pleasant.

7. Going back to doing what we like

In the same way that we leave our loved ones behind when dating, the same happens with our hobbies. It often happens that in a couple's life we abandon those activities that we liked so much, either because we don't have time or because we don't like them.either because you don't have the time or because your partner simply didn't like it.

Now that he or she is no longer part of our life, it is time to go back to doing what we used to enjoy. It is time to resume all those activities that you really like, what makes you feel good. It is time to pay attention exclusively to our preferences, to have fun doing what we really like. It sounds obvious but, when you do things that you like and have fun, it improves your mood and, in this case, helps you to get out of the sadness of the breakup.

8. Take care of yourself

Actions as basic as brushing your teeth, showering, combing your hair and getting dressed are difficult to do when you are mired in absolute sadness. Not having a partner is not the end of the world. It hurts at first, and it may even be hard to get up, but you have to make an effort not to neglect your health, build your self-esteem and pamper yourself.. We should not forget to maintain a healthy lifestyle, eating healthy, exercising from time to time and taking care of ourselves.