How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others: 5 Practical Tips

Strategies to avoid having our self-esteem eroded by constant comparisons.

Comparisons may be odious, but we can't avoid them. It is an intrinsic aspect of human nature to compare ourselves to other people, both good and bad, especially the bad.

Others always seem to have something we crave: a nice car, a toned body, a better salary... If we only look at the good they have and compare it to what we seem to lack, we are not going to be very happy.

Knowing how to stop comparing yourself with others is something that we have surely asked ourselves on more than one occasion.. Obsessive comparisons are bad for our mental health, which is why we are going to explain how to put an end to them. Stick around to find out.

Why it is key to know how to stop comparing yourself with others.

Comparing yourself with others is a common behavior. It is totally normal to do so, since comparison is an essential element in people's social life. In fact, the social psychologist Leon Festinger explained in 1954 how we human beings create part of our identity by comparing ourselves with others, evaluating our abilities, appearance, opinions, and even social position by comparing ourselves with others.. We resort to this strategy when we cannot objectively evaluate our characteristics on our own.

Festinger spoke of two types of comparison: on the one hand, we would have the upward comparison, when we compare ourselves with another person we consider superior or graceful in some aspect that is significant to us; the other is the downward comparison, when we compare ourselves with someone we consider inferior or who lacks something we have. As a general rule, upward comparisons are a source of discomfort and frustration, while downward comparisons are usually a source of discomfort and frustration.while downward comparisons tend to bring well-being and satisfaction.

Despite being common, we should not think that excessive comparisons are healthy. Frequently comparing ourselves with others can be very detrimental to our mental health, especially if we take into account that we tend to make upward comparisons rather than downward ones. In fact, even in people who are lacking in some way, we are more likely to look at what we don't have and they do than the other way around.

Consequences of comparing yourself with others

As we mentioned, the upward comparison is a source of discomfort and, if it is done in a recurrent and persistent way, it will end up having serious consequences on the mental health of the person who does it. As the person is constantly comparing him/herself and believing that he/she is less than almost everyone else, his/her self-esteem and self-worth are progressively reduced.

Among the main consequences of excessive comparison we have:

1. Lower self-esteem.

As we have said, by comparing ourselves with others, our self-esteem is weakened. The reason for this is that we stop focusing on ourselves and our abilities, causing us to always see them as inferior to those of others..

Although comparisons should motivate us to improve what we are lacking in, the constant comparison can make us lose hope when we see that there will always be someone who is better at something that we are not so good at.

It can go to the extreme of provoking rejection towards oneself for not possessing the qualities that other people have and that we desire so much.

2. Waste of time

Comparisons are automatic, but this does not mean that they do not take time, on the contrary. When you fall into one of them you can go over and over it again and again, going deep into its "flaws", which are always very subjective.. It may also happen that we look for the same defects in others, in the hope that other people have the same problem or even worse.

Whether upward or downward, the comparison will make us lose time. A time that we could invest in improving in the desired quality or, directly, to take advantage of it to have a more pleasant life.

3. It harms our social life

Comparing ourselves with others often causes us to feel self-conscious in the presence of other people we perceive as better, more skilled, attractive or better endowed..

It can also happen that, when we try to be friends with them or when they are already friends, we cannot help but constantly think of all that they have and all that we lack, burdening ourselves and feeling an unhealthy envy towards them. Friendship can become a kind of competition or a relationship of excessive vainglory, toxic dynamics.

4. It lowers your mood

He who constantly compares himself is not happy. He is not able to see how much he has and how little he really needs. He does not see the many good things that make up his personality and focuses obsessively on the bad things he thinks he has.

Comparisons extinguish our joy, produce discomfort and dissatisfaction. Feeling less than others and making our personal worth depend on what we see in others ruins our well-being.

Tips to stop comparing yourself to others

As we have commented, comparisons are a normal aspect of the human condition, something that occurs in our interaction with other people. However, just because it is human does not mean that we should do it often, as we have already discussed. Comparisons can do us a lot of harmThis is why we must know how to keep them at bay, something we can achieve if we apply the following tips in our lives.

1. Recognize that we compare ourselves with others.

The first thing is to recognize that we compare ourselves with others. This sounds simple, but it is more complicated than it seems because, when comparisons have become a very common habit, something we do almost every day, it is difficult to realize it. It has become a daily dynamic, something we don't stop to think about as we do when we walk or breathe..

To recognize it, we must be attentive and identify certain indicators such as dissatisfaction with oneself, wishing we had skills and other positive characteristics that we see in others, seeing how we behave competitively with other people or feeling envious every day for some friend, colleague or person on social networks.

It is essential to identify in which contexts we feel this way, with which people, with which trait or aspect in particular and, very importantly, what emotions it produces in us. A highly recommended tip would be to write it down in a diary or on a sheet of paper, to analyze the whole comparison, to go deep into its entrails. Once we are aware of the problem it will be easier to work on its solution.

2. Identify what we want to change

Once we have understood how much we compare ourselves with others, it is time to reflect on who we want to change, it is time to reflect on who we are and what we have achieved.. As we have seen before, we surely have some very good things. No one is perfect, naturally, we will have some flaws, but we are not a complete disaster either.

There is always some ability, some trait that puts us above others. By comparing ourselves with others we become aware of these apparent flaws, so it's time to look at our strengths. It is complicated, because the human mind seems as if it were designed to constantly apply the bias of negativity, but fortunately and with a little effort we can free ourselves from its tyranny.

Identifying what we want to change will help us put in place the means to improve it, rather than spending energy identifying what it is that others have that we do not. Added to this, knowing what we are good at will motivate us to understand that in the same way we have achieved certain things, with more or less effort, we can achieve many others.

3. Not idolizing others

One thing is to admire someone and another very different thing is to idolize him, to glorify him in absolutely everything.. It is not wrong to want to be like someone we consider a role model, either for how he is or for how much he has achieved, but without going too far. We must understand that the many things he or she has represent only the desirable part of that person, as he or she will also have flaws and, perhaps, complexes. That person has weaknesses, just like you and any other person.

4. Less use of social networks

Social networks do not represent the real world. In that virtual space people only show their best face, giving the false impression that they have no difficulties or flaws. If we expose ourselves too much to them we will be prone to compare ourselves and we will have the feeling that everyone is better than us.

Behind all the photos of apparent success and positive experiences we see on virtual platforms there is a normal, ordinary life. Photos of travel, expensive clothes, toned bodies... all of that is something that those who post them have decided they want to show to others. They don't show how many times they've stayed home, how many old clothes they still have, or how many times they've skipped training day to stay home and watch TV.

The problem with these networks is that they are so huge that no matter what we do, we will always find someone better at absolutely anything we compare ourselves to. It is advisable to use less social networks or, directly, remove the account of certain platforms that the only thing they will do is to increase our insecurities and frustrate us.

5. Seek professional help

Whether you think you need it or not, the best advice of all is to seek professional help to assess the severity of this problem.. After all, excessive comparisons cause psychological discomfort, something that should be addressed by a psychologist. Behind these comparisons there are usually problems of self-esteem, obsession with a canon of beauty or relatively unattainable skills. Psychotherapy, regardless of how frequent the comparisons are, will increase our well-being.