Infidelity in the couple

Infidelity in a couple is the unilateral rupture of an exclusive pact that existed between the two, giving entry to a third party with whom some important aspects of the relationship are prioritized or shared.

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW

• Infidelity is commonly attributed to the area of ​​sexuality but it is also emotional disloyalty.
• Emotional withdrawal, lack of communication, routine or sexual dissatisfaction are often reasons that lead to infidelity.
• In the case of falling in love, the frequent idealization that usually exists towards someone with whom a relationship is beginning must be taken into account, a fact that damages the perception of the usual partner.

What does infidelity mean?

Infidelity is commonly attributed to the area of ​​sexuality, consisting of having alternative sexual relationships during a formal or stable relationship. However, no less significant is the call affective disloyalty, which can occur next to the sexual infidelity and, according to which, one of the members of the couple establishes an emotional bond of great trust and proximity with a third person, leaving their partner relegated in this area.

Factors to take into account

Each case of infidelity is unique and different from the others and a host of factors, conditioning factors and facilitators intervene in it, which mean that its approach must also be specific for each specific situation. Broadly speaking, there are several determining aspects in the development of an infidelity that will influence how it will affect both members:

• If it is a one-off episode or if the infidelity has been held in time, getting to reconcile two relationships at the same time.
• If it has always been carried out with the same person or with different people.
• If the third person It is from the couple's known environment (such as a common friendship), if it is someone with whom there is regular contact for other issues (such as a co-worker) or, on the contrary, if it is a sporadic infidelity with someone unknown and with whom no further contact is likely to be possible.
• If it has been confessed by the unfaithful member or has had to be discovered by the other as a result of indications and suspicions that have been awakening. This point is one of the relevant aspects for the possible resolution of the conflict.

What are the main reasons usually?

First of all, it is important to point out the difficult classification of the reasons that can lead to a certain situation of infidelity, since in many cases they are produced by several causes at the same time. However, broadly speaking, there are some more common ones:

• Deterioration or sexual dissatisfaction in a stable relationship, living as something frustrating, monotonous or routine and lacking the means to solve or improve it. In this case, it will be fostered by the search for new sensations, adventures or passions that are dormant or not experienced within the framework of the usual partner.
• Existence of routine or monotony in the daily dynamics of the relationship is another important reason in the emergence of a possible infidelity.
• Conjunctural circumstances, that is, the situation has been caused during a trip, a vacation, etc.
• Emotional withdrawal or lack of communication satisfactory between the members of the couple. There are certain evolutionary moments or situations in which this withdrawal or deterioration can become more evident, such as, for example, once the initial stage of falling in love has passed, the arrival of the children, frequent trips or the long absences of one of the members, without all this having been specially cared for and compensated in the day-to-day of the.
• An excessive proximity or fusion between the members of the couple, or cases in which one of them is overly jealous, can lead the other member to infidelity as a way of liberation or lightening of an experience that is oppressive or suffocating.
• A difficult life situation (such as a dismissal or a duel) or the experience of a particularly significant event (such as a job promotion or the delivery of an award) by one of the members of the couple, and against which they did not receive sufficient support, recognition or understanding by the other. In this case, the situation may arise that this special support is sought in a third person.

Other possible causes

Another type of infidelity occurs with relative independence from the satisfaction existing within the relationship, since it is caused by the needs or personality traits of one of the members. These characteristics are fundamentally based on the immaturity, the unsafety and an insatiable need for self-assertion, recognition and appreciation of oneself (such as, for example, the need to show that one is capable of seducing).

On some occasions, the revenge or spite causes the unfaithful member to "return with the same coin" an infidelity previously perpetrated by the other member.

What if there is a crush?

In the event that the infidelity was caused by the alternative infidelity of one of the members, special attention should be paid to the causes that have allowed it to be "accessible" to a third party (for example, deficiencies in the relationship, not feeling sufficiently valued, etc). It must be borne in mind, however, that the frequent idealization that usually exists before someone with whom a relationship is beginning damages the perception of the usual partner, since this is almost always disadvantaged in comparison with the novelty that the recent idyll.

DO WE FOLLOW OR DO WE SEPARATE?

On many occasions, infidelity in the couple shows a crisis within the relationship, in whose resolution a choice must be made between continuing or initiating a separation.

• In case of opting for a continuity in relationship, an adequate overcoming of the crisis can strengthen and revitalize it, after having made the necessary adjustments in it and having properly managed the emotions that it entails in both members (resentment, mistrust, anger, guilt, insecurity , fear, etc.). For this complex work, the collaboration of both members is essential, and the help of a professional in.
• If the decision is made separation: It usually occurs when the unfaithful part of the couple decides to start a relationship with the third person or there are circumstances in which the crisis reveals deep negative feelings of pain accumulated in one or both members of the couple, along with the feeling of not being before a fixable situation. In these cases, an individual psychological work is useful in which the mourning for the end of the relationship will be elaborated and the new vital stage that each one, independently, will have to face, will begin to focus.