Influence of affectivity and physical contact on sexuality

Imagine a baby that has just been born. The first thing doctors will do after making sure that the newborn is healthy is to give it to its mother, and the most likely thing to do is hold it, look at it, and talk to it. Thus, it is essential for a healthy development of the personality from the first moment of life. It is a food for our brain, our mind and our body. Through contact with the mother and with other people, the baby grows and discovers a whole universe of sensations and stimulations that progressively initiate him in the world of erogenous stimulation or protosexuality to, finally, develop in adolescence the ability to live full sexual experiences.

Affectivity and physical contact

We can affirm that in the first stages of life the affectivity and physical contact together with erogenous stimulation They go together and that little by little the sexual life of the individual is gaining relevance by itself as an element that will evolve outside the family bosom. Given that the sexuality is born in a relational context is always impregnated with that need for another person, even in the case of masturbation fantasies that involve another person are usually resorted to, not to mention the use of external supports such as images or photographs which explicitly evoke others. Sexuality and affectivity are parts of a path that leads to the development of our ability to create bonds and to enjoy the pleasure of an intimate exchange with another. Since in their origin they are hardly differentiable processes, we could say that they are connected and that they are related to each other. How they relate to each other depends on interpersonal and environmental factors.

Culture, environment and society influence

The way in which sexuality and affectivity interact is determined by the culture where we live, in the first instance and by the family and social relationships secondly, a fact that affects the development of the sexuality / affectivity binomial and the way of living it. On the other hand, due to the particularity of the inner emotional economy of each one, there are also individual factors that will determine how we live the relationship between both experiences, this can be both physical and psychological factors. We will say, then, that the relationship between sexuality and physical contact and affectivity responds to biological, psychological, family and cultural factors.

Couple relationships

It is widely known that a good relationship between affectivity and sexuality is a basic pillar in the good health of women: on the one hand, one can put oneself on the other's side and develop feelings of love towards him or her and on the other, you can enjoy sex inscribed in the affective relationship. This fact gives rise to feedback from these two dimensions. That is to say, the sexual life strengthens the affectivity and the affective life nourishes the sexual relationship with love, hence the expression "make love." However, this does not mean that the usual couple relationship is the only way in which affectivity and sexuality are related. Today we find many different formats of approaching sexual and affective life:

• There are those who systematically dispense with affectivity to have sexual relations.
• There are those who cannot have sex without feeling intense affection.
• Most of the population is in the middle of these two options. We can therefore say that, both in one-night stands and in those of longer duration, there where there is sexuality, affectivity can leak and where there is only affectivity, sexuality can also leak since one is not completely detached from the other.

How to know if we have a healthy sexual and affective life

Given that the way in which these two dimensions of the personality are articulated depends on each individual, let's think about what are the characteristics necessary to identify if we enjoy a healthy sexual and affective life:

• We are able to see the other person as someone who feel and think and not as a mere object in the service of self-satisfaction.
• We take into account physical and emotional needs of the other person: we seek for their physical pleasure and emotional well-being.
• We are capable of becoming aware of what gives us pleasure and makes us feel good and we feel free to communicate it.
• There is room for empathy, respect and individual freedom in the deployment of both sexual and affective relationships.
• In the case of not having a stable partner, we are capable of adapting to different people with different needs, understanding that a healthy sexual life requires a certain flexibility and adaptability.
• We have the ability to see the other as they are and we do not want to transform them into another person.
• One predominates honest and sincere communication. This does not mean that you have to say everything that you think, but we make sure that everyone knows the rules of the game.

This list of defining characteristics of a sexual and affective relationship can be extrapolated to all types of relationship formats (sporadic, stable, polyamorous, etc.) We will conclude by pointing out that, regardless of the way we choose to live our sexual and affective life, empathy is a determining factor for its good health.

• Sexuality and affectivity They are part of a path that leads to the development of our capacity to create bonds and to enjoy the pleasure of an intimate exchange with another.
• A good relationship between affectivity and sexuality is a basic pillar in the good health of relationships.
• The Sex life strengthens affectivity and affective life nurtures sexual relationship with loveHence the expression "making love", but this does not mean that the usual couple relationship is the only way in which affectivity and sexuality are related.

Enric Artés Clinical Psychology Specialist