Insensitive people: what they are like and causes of their behavior

Let's see what insensitive people are and the characteristics of their way of behaving.

Not being able to tune in to other people's emotions is a characteristic feature of insensitive people. This is a characteristic that would explain why there are people who use harmful frankness to give their opinions, without taking into account how their interlocutor is going to feel.

But there are all kinds of people incapable of connecting with the emotions of others, for very different reasons. It is not possible to generalize and say that all insensitive people are "bad", because behind their way of being there may be a strong explanation such as a psychological problem.

We are going to discuss what insensitive people are, what are their main characteristics and what are their main causes.what are their main characteristics and what may have made them so.

Insensitive people: what are they like and why?

When we talk about insensitive people, the first thing we think of is that they are individuals who are unable to identify and tune in to the emotions of others. They are perceived as people with bad intentions, who give little thought to how others will feel, and who take a very selfish stance. and who take a very selfish stance in everything they do, say and think.

While this definition may be true for some insensitive people, the truth is that not everyone can be lumped together. People are not the way they are just because they are, but because behind their behavior and attitudes there is some explanation, more or less legitimate, that justifies their way of being. Regardless of whether it is right or wrong to be an insensitive person, we cannot think that all people are insensitive just because they like to be.

Disinterest and emotional coldness may be the result of not having learned correctly how to pick up on the emotions of others. It can also be the result of a hard life history, marked by traumatic experiences that have made the person fearful of tuning in to the feelings of others for fear of showing a vulnerability that in the past made him suffer so much. In other cases, it may simply be due to the fact that the emotional sensitivity has gone to sleep bombarded by all kinds of violent images and painful news.

Not wanting to see, shirking responsibility and prioritizing one's own well-being over that of others is a form of insensitivity. is a form of insensitivity, motivated by selfishness and the inability to see beyond our own noses. This is precisely the most widespread idea of what an insensitive person is like, but it is not the only one. Being insensitive does not imply being selfish all the time, at least not being aware of it. Everyone is the way they are, and there are differences even in how to be an insensitive person.

Characteristics of insensitive people

Giving some universal characteristics of insensitive people is a real challenge because, really, they are not all the same. While the first thing we think when talking about this type of people is that they are bad, unable to connect with others by express desire, the truth is that the causes behind this insensitivity can explain, not justify, their way of being.

Be that as it may, as very general characteristics and that not all have to show we have:

1. Offensive assertiveness

Although not all, many insensitive people practice offensive assertiveness. They may not be aware of the harm they are doing, but their way of saying what they their way of saying what they think, directly and without any qualms, causes harm to others.. It should be said that there are also people of this type who are aware that their frankness is harmful, but they excuse themselves with the phrase "I don't keep quiet about anything".

An interesting study regarding this trait of insensitive people is that of David Watson and collaborators from the University of Notre Dame (2019). In this research they concluded that there is a type of pathological extraversion that shows a very clear pattern of insensitivity, characterized precisely by not shutting things up and being assertive in an injurious way.

2. Instrumental empathy

Insensitive people show lack of affection in practically any context, even with their closest circle..

Whether with family, friends or partners, the most ill-intentioned insensitive people apply what we would call instrumental empathy: they connect with the needs of others only when it is in their interest. They empathize only when it serves them to get something in return. This trait of some insensitive people is considered a sign of narcissistic personality disorder.

3. They tend to tease and intimidate.

The people most unable to connect with others tend to use mockery and bullying. They do not identify with those in front of them and are not able to put themselves in the other person's shoes, therefore they do not understand how the other person feels when they receive their mockery, irony and sarcasm.

Bullying is a frequent behavior in insensitive people who only think of themselves.

4. Lack of social responsibility

One of the ways in which emotional insensitivity manifests itself the most is in the lack of social responsibility. This means that one is This means that one is incapable of reacting to unjust situations, such as discrimination, manipulation or violence in whatever form they may take. in any of the forms that these scourges take.

5. Low tolerance for different opinions

The most insensitive people are incapable of tolerating opinions different from their own. Any perspective contrary to their own is interpreted as a threat, which makes it very difficult to live with these people, and even to maintain a simple conversation because it is almost inevitable to end up arguing.

6. They do not think before they speak

A person with a minimum of empathy thinks about the words before saying them, more than anything else to prevent them from hurting their interlocutor. This is not the case of insensitive people who do not realize that this is a fundamental step in any social interaction.

They rarely meditate on what they are going to say. They do not choose their words thinking about not hurting, being respectful or maintaining a calm conversation.. As we have already mentioned, they tend to resort to harmful frankness, saying things without filtering them, not caring how what they are going to say feels to their interlocutor.

7. They run away from emotional situations

This point may be the most striking characteristic of insensitive people. Many of them have a low emotional awareness, not only with others but also with themselves.

Not only do they not connect with the emotions of others, but they also do not understand their own feelings.. This makes them uncomfortable in emotional situations. When they see a friend or family member who is having a hard time, they don't know how to react or what to do, so in the end they choose to run away.

Why are they insensitive to the suffering of others?

Most gregarious species of animals, which live in groups and whose lives are strongly marked by social interactions, are endowed with the ability to become sensitive to the Pain of their fellows.. Empathy and solidarity are fundamental aspects for the survival of these species, a product of evolution. Considering that human beings are also a social species, how is it possible that there are insensitive people?

There are several explanations for the fact that some people are capable of closing themselves emotionally to others. It may simply be that they have a personality that is far from normal. In the same way that in nature there are solitary wolves, detached from social life and little involved with their peers, in the human species there are people whose personality traits make them lack interest and the ability to tune in to the emotions of others..

But it is not only a question of personality. There may be very important causes that explain how an individual is tremendously insensitive to the emotions of others. Mental disorders, neurological pathologies, history of trauma, abuse, fear of being perceived as socially vulnerable, and even the mere lack of experience in emotional situations can explain why a person is insensitive.

Added to this, this emotional insensitivity can be very situational.. While it is true that there are people who are cold, walking icebergs, who do not connect with any person's emotions, others are, depending on the situation. Stress, anxiety, uncertainty in an unknown situation... these and many more factors can make a person suddenly have the sensitivity of sandpaper.

And neither can we ignore the fact that, in a society where the media bombard us with all kinds of toxic and violent events, we have become insensitive and tolerant of other people's misfortunes, harboring no evil within us. The more horror we see, the more we become accustomed to it, and the more we become disgusted by it. and our capacity to become disgusted in the face of unjust situations becomes numb.

Possible causes of emotional insensitivity

It is easy to judge insensitive people as bad. We often label them as unsympathetic, cold and emotionless individuals, bad people who are not able to put themselves in other people's shoes. This may be the case, but it is very difficult for a person to be insensitive without a compelling reason behind it. It is necessary to delve a little deeper into the history of the person we consider insensitive, because it may be that he or she suffers from something or has experienced an event that predisposed him or her to behave in this way.

1. Alexithymia

Part of the world's population presents a rare phenomenon that would explain their coldness in their dealings with others.. Their emotional distance may be caused by a genetically important condition called alexithymia, a problem that causes those who present it, despite experiencing emotions, to be unable to show them or demonstrate them. It is not that they are insensitive, it is that they find it difficult to express their emotions and see them in others.

2. History of trauma

People who have experienced a lot of emotional suffering tend to be more empathetic and sensitive to the pain of others, although the opposite effect can also occur. Emotional insensitivity may be a defense mechanism resulting from a history of trauma..

In this case, the person is not able to tune in to other people's emotions for fear that this will make him/her vulnerable and experience again the pain he/she once felt.

3. Affective inexperience

One of the causes of emotional insensitivity is simply not having ever experienced suffering. Because the person has never really suffered, he or she is unable to understand the suffering of others or underestimates it. or underestimates it. This would be the product of a clear lack of emotional experience.

These people are insensitive not because they are bad people, but because their capacity for empathy has not yet developed as they have not had enough emotional experiences. They show a great affective ignoranceThey are unable to sympathize with the suffering and happiness of others because, yes, it does not only apply to negative emotions. This will change as soon as they acquire a little more skill in detecting the emotions of others.