Kangaroos at seventy

The influence of grandparents on the development of the personality of children and adolescents has always been of great importance. The role of the grandfather and grandmother has traditionally been to give love, example, protection and experience in the various facets of the life of the person who is being formed.

However, in recent years and mainly due to the poor reconciliation of work life with family life of the parents, due to the price of some services for children and a better quality of life and health level of the elderly , with progressively greater frequency, it has been necessary for grandparents to exercise a social role of caregiver for the grandchildren while the parents are working. The frequency of «babysitting grandparents» is high in cities, reaching even more than half of the elderly in some neighborhoods or social strata.

In some cases, this function has become voluntary to compulsory and from occasional to permanent, occupying a large part of the day of the elderly in this situation. Thus, the term "grandfather / babysitter" or "grandfather / slave" has been coined, acting as babysitters by force. Grandparents in this situation must accompany and pick up their grandchildren from school and extracurricular activities and parties, during part of the holidays, when they have a trivial illness, feed them, wash them, accompany them in school duties, even cradle them, substituting much of the role of parents during work hours.

At first, the assistance of retired people to their descendants is generally voluntary and occasional and produces a positive feeling of usefulness to grandparents, greater family integration and greater self-esteem. However, often as time passes, the need and the habit are generated, becoming an unpaid, unwanted and unpaid "obligation". For this reason, many elderly in this situation feel that they are exploited by their descendants, although they do not know how to tackle this situation, becoming chronic and affecting the psychological and even physical health of the elderly.

The physical and psychological exhaustion of the elderly person with less resistance due to their age adds to a responsibility for children, which many elderly people cannot or should not assume. Thus, the interaction between what the grandfather or grandmother wants to do and what they can do (due to the circumstances of age or more or less important diseases) causes the elderly person stress, anxiety and exhaustion that will negatively affect to your emotional and physical health. Studies of these elderly people have shown that diseases such as diabetes, Arterial Hypertension, depressive syndrome and insomnia are more frequent in the elderly who take care of their grandchildren than in those who do not do it regularly.

On the other hand, the relationship between the parents of children cared for by their grandparents and the latter can cause generational tensions and situations of jealousy and conflict: the parents themselves do not feel satisfied with the exercise of their role, and feel that they are estranged of their own children in favor of grandparents, which creates dissatisfaction. Similarly, the grandparents' philosophy of life and the way of exercising authority may differ from the style that the parents would like, adding conflict to the situation. Thus, to the feeling of gratitude for the help of parents to their parents, a contradictory sense of intrusion can be added, leading to a family tension that is not desired by either party.

Therefore, when faced with the need or desire for children to be cared for by grandparents intermittently, the following should be taken into account:

• If the desire of the elderly person is to take care of their grandchildren, and to what extent it is desirable: to be able to agree on an agenda with days and times.

• Respect the life of grandparents, their customs and social relationships, without forcing them to work long hours.

• Seek a distribution of responsibilities and tasks to be carried out, without the elderly person feeling obliged to do what they do not want.

• Bear in mind that grandparents can collaborate in the education of children, but should not replace the role of parents.

• The need for elderly people to feel loved and respected through sincere gratitude and to be taken into account for family activities or family entertainment, other than their acquired obligations.

In this way, an ideal relationship between the three generations of balance, respect and affection can be reached that will redound to benefits for all parties involved.