Keys to reaching agreements in the couple

• The first step in resolving a conflict is to acknowledge its existence, find a time to deal with it, and have a good disposition.
• It is important not to perceive the conflict as a battle in which the other must be convinced, but as a way of considering what we can change to overcome the crisis in the couple.
• Finding and strengthening aspects in which there is a good understanding can be a good way to reinforce the couple's bond.

The first step is…

• Recognize the existence of conflict: there are people who tend to avoid or deny conflict despite its evidence. This makes resolution difficult and causes greater misunderstanding and estrangement between the members of the couple. The recognition of the existence of a conflict is a fundamental step for its subsequent resolution.
• Find moments to deal with the conflicting issues of the relationship: worries, resentment or misunderstandings should not accumulate but should be dealt with in a timely manner. It is advisable to take a moment (go out to dinner or take a walk) to solve them.
• Communication: cultivating good grassroots communication within the partner It will favor the resolution of existing conflicts and will help prevent new ones from appearing.

Once the conflict is detected ...

Once you are in a position to address a certain conflictive issue, the following indications can be taken into account:

• Respect the opinion of the couple: it is not about imposing or convincing about one's position on a certain issue but about understand the opinion of the couple and reach a consensus. It is advisable to give each member a few minutes to be able to express themselves while the other tries to try to understand.
• Try an understanding approach: it is important not to perceive the conflict as a battle in which one must defeat the other.
• Avoid complaint and systematic criticism: we must learn to make our own position more flexible and to propose viable alternatives.
• Be aware that most conflict is subjective: it is not about finding out who is right or who is in the right position. It is more useful to accept from the outset that each one has “their reason” for, then, establish pacts, reasonably yielding and resigning in some respects.
• Do not pretend to solve a conflict in a situation of physical and emotional hostility: it is preferable to postpone and resume the subject at a time of greater calm and good disposition.
• Develop the capacity for self-observation: since a conflict is a matter of two, it can be very enriching to consider what we can change to overcome the crisis in the couple.
• Strengthen common ground: it can be very useful to find aspects in which there is a good understanding as a way to strengthen the bond. Spending more time together, sharing enjoyable activities, and cultivating a good level of complicity, trust, intimacy, and passion can help you successfully manage conflict.

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