Learn to be alone

Many people during the pandemic have collapsed when they have to face a ghost that may have been silenced for a long time and that has been made evident by the circumstances: loneliness. The confinement and the various subsequent sanitary restrictions have made learning a new way of life reconsidered as a necessity. Learn to be alone as a repositioning in the world. Only? No with me.

Why does loneliness scare us?

It is one thing to be alone and another to feel alone. We can be surrounded by people and feel terribly alone (isolated, cut off) or we can be physically alone and be in complete emotional balance. Not all of us feel the same when faced with loneliness. The way we develop our attachment is fundamental.

We are social beings, we need others to grow and develop, so loneliness can be something really scary for many. There is no education in solitude, nor in the emotional management that it requires. It is a learning that we must do to a large extent on the fly and due to imposed situations. However, loneliness is part of life. Taking care of her and working on her has to do with maturing and evolving as a person.

Learning to be alone is directly related to our level of satisfaction with life. Being alone helps us to enhance:

• The creativity,
• Promote self-knowledge
• It helps us slow down and rest.

Loneliness should be approached as an opportunity to train new abilities and skills, as a way to rediscover ourselves.

As a species, human beings are programmed for self-protection, so we tend to seek shelter in the other as a way to meet our needs. This operation is healthy since it is positive to seek rapprochement with others and cultivate relationships, but it becomes a problem when it is the only way to self-regulate, that is, when the other becomes a necessity for our personal balance, already that we cannot regulate it by ourselves.

What dangers can cause not knowing how to be alone?

• Emotional dependence. You can stay in unconstructive or even toxic relationships.
• Make wrong decisions.
• Loss of own habits.
• Disconnection from oneself.
• Complacency. Excessively pouring into satisfying others and detaching from one's own needs.

How to learn to be alone?

Learning to enjoy solitude is a process that must be established over time. Some ideas that can help you learn to be alone are:

• Understand what being alone means to you specifically. Each person has a personal baggage due to the experiences that they have accumulated. Depending on what has happened to us in our lives and how we have understood it, we associate one thing or another with loneliness. For example, a person raised in a large family will not feel it in the same way as a person adopted in childhood. What do you associate with loneliness?
• You can be your best company, but for this you must recognize yourself. In the same way that you enjoy someone's company because you like certain characteristics or ways of being, you can also produce improvements in yourself to like yourself more and enjoy your own company. What would you like to cultivate about yourself? What would you like to change? What new learnings or habits would you like to promote?
• Explore abroad, try new things and boost your adventurous spirit. However hidden it is, it is.
• Knowing yourself internally, it will help you improve your self-esteem. What is really important to you? What gives meaning to your life? Where do you stand out and what remains to be improved?
• Pay attention to your internal dialogue. We all say things to ourselves when we reflect. Sometimes they are fierce criticism or sometimes they are validating messages. Learn to treat yourself more kindly, reduce constant self-criticism, and empower the most constructive messages. Treat yourself as you would like to be treated.
• Give yourself permission to feel whatever emotion you may have in each moment. Do not censor certain negative emotions, let them appear and analyze what role they have in your life at this moment.
• Be consistent in your new ways of functioning. Remember that habits are consolidated through repetition.
• Consult with a psychotherapist if the implications of loneliness seem overwhelming or create a degree of dissatisfaction that you cannot handle. Learning to be alone is possible with the necessary tools.

If you are interested in improving your emotional well-being, you may be interested in having one of our psychologists, who will accompany you in the vital process in which you are. Get to know Savia, the digital platform for MAPFRE!

SIGN UP FREE

• Learning to be alone is directly related to our level of satisfaction with life.
• Creating dependent relationships, detaching yourself from your own needs, disconnecting from yourself ... are dangers of not knowing how to be alone.
• Understanding what it means to be alone, knowing ourselves internally, giving ourselves permission to feel any emotion… these are ideas that can help strengthen the progressive process of learning to enjoy solitude.

Health Psychologist and Psychotherapist at Teladoc Health