Limits in adolescence

| How to set limits for children and adolescents? To get the proper education of children, it is necessary to establish rules and limits in their day-to-day life.

To achieve an adequate education of children, it is necessary to establish rules and limits from birth, which will be modified and made more flexible with the passing of the years and.

The fundamental objective of the limits is to ensure the safety and health of the child, but they also seek to stabilize and provide a certain order and structure in the daily dynamics, as well as to be able to lead a coherent sense of life. On the other hand, limits help in the construction of the personality of the child or adolescent, since they involve the development of aspects such as will, tolerance to frustration, postponement of satisfactions, taking into account the rights of others, etc.

As soon as limits are established, it is normal for the child, in turn, to try to put obstacles to them. In this way the inherent and natural conflicts appear in every evolutionary process. As the years go by, and more especially in adolescence, it will also be normal for the boy to question the rules and limits on the part of the boy. The adolescent needs to question the model proposed by his parents and this is part of his development and the progressive construction of his personality.

How to set limits?

• It is important to set limits only on those topics that are considered really important. It is preferable if there are few, well-defined and consistent limits than setting many ambiguous or variable limits, which would lead to confusion and lose their usefulness.
• Before passing limits on to children, it is important that parents have agreed and are convinced about what they are going to ask their children for.
• At the same time, the parents must have decided in advance and by mutual agreement what consequences the fact that their child does not comply with a certain limit or norm will have, communicating it to the child.
• It is advisable that the consequences that are applied in case of skipping a rule are logical or have some relation to the fault made (for example, they can be aimed at restoring the damage caused by skipping it). They must also be proportional to the offense made, since if large consequences are applied to small offenses, procedures will be lacking when more serious offenses occur. Punishments in which it is intended that the child suffer or feel humiliated, nor the application of excessive punishments in proportion to the offense carried out, are not advisable, since these facts will transmit fear and insecurity in the child and the initial objective that will be lost will be lost. it was intended with limits.
• Appreciation and gratitude must be expressed when the child behaves as requested and has respected a rule or limit that had been proposed (for example, if he has come home at the agreed time).
• Once a limit has been established, it must be maintained, being constant over time and consistent, because if it is applied arbitrarily it will create confusion. A child needs to feel that his parents know what they are asking him and what they allow him and, furthermore, that they are transmitting it to him with confidence. At the same time, a child will stop insisting and opposing a rule more likely if he perceives that his parents are unwilling to give in.
• The emotional climate should be warm and friendly. Setting a limit does not have to involve tension, yelling or aggressiveness, nor should it be posed as a threat or punishment. Nor is it advisable to enter into arguments or power struggles with children, or lose control over them.
• It is necessary to promote good communication, being willing to review and relax the validity of the limits with the passage of time and the child's progress (especially those related to the time of arrival home, bedtime, etc.). It is useful to allow the boy, especially from adolescence, to participate when new rules are set or new conditions are agreed, since this will give him the opportunity to learn to negotiate and, at the same time, it will be easier to he is involved and takes responsibility in complying with them.
• Parents should be valid role models for their children. It is not advisable to ask a child for something that one of the parents is unable or unwilling to comply with (for example, they cannot be asked not to yell if one of the parents usually does so).