Liquid love: the commodification of love in the 21st century

Why do romantic relationships seem to have an expiration date in our time?

Liquid love is the prevailing romantic philosophy of our time..

It is likely that, at some point in your life, you have heard of the Polish sociologist Zygmunt Bauman and his concept of "liquid love". The enunciation could not be more graphic: liquid lovean image that is the perfect metaphor for something prevalent in our society: the fragility of sentimental relationships..

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Liquid love: defining the concept

It is typical of the information and consumer society in which we find ourselves. People give more value to the present experience, to freedom without any kind of ties.We are also focused on the immediate satisfaction of our bodily and intellectual needs, on punctual and irresponsible consumption. Everything that does not meet the requirement of immediacy, of "use and throw away", is discarded.

Liquid love, then, refers to the fragility of sentimental bonds.It alludes to the need not to establish deep emotional roots with the people we meet in life, in order to remain emotionally detached and thus be able to fit into a constantly changing environment. However, liquid love refers not only to our relationships with others, but also to our relationship with ourselves, as Bauman considers that we live in a culture that stands out for the "liquidity of self-love" of individuals.

Loving others begins with oneself

Many people fail to understand that in order to love another individual deeply, it is necessary to love oneself first. This, which is a reality that few doubt, is not usually the basis on which many relationships are built, in which other values and needs prevail that have little to do with emotional well-being.

This is one of the shortcomings of our culture, which pushes us to have a partner even when it would be necessary for individuals to get to know each other and build their self-esteem before seeking emotional and sentimental support from another human being. This leads us to emotional dependence, that is, to depend on the approval and esteem of others to sustain our self-esteem, which can generate suffering and discomfort.

Liquid love in the individualistic culture

Western culture, in many cases, does not encourage us to create long-term bonds of trust, and many people have serious difficulties in feeling accompanied and loved. This tendency not to create long-lasting relationships is explained by the great responsibility and transcendence that this would entail. the great responsibility and transcendence that this would entail, a "stumbling block" that we are not motivated to assume..

It may also be due to the fear of feeling disappointed or hurt. Fear of love or philophobia usually paralyzes us and makes us shy away from anything that sounds like commitment, making it impossible for us to create solid and deep relationships.

Liquid connection versus long-term love

Zygmunt Bauman develops in his multiple essays several theories and reflections on love in our time. Today, he asserts, love relationships are based more on physical attraction than on a deep connection on a more personal level.. They are relationships marked by the individualism of both members, in which contact is ephemeral, and this is known beforehand, which increases its condition of sporadic and superficial relationship. A love that is born to be consumed and consummated, but never to be sublimated.

Bauman's idea of liquid love puts in the spotlight the individualism of our societies, the constant search for immediate satisfaction, the constant search for immediate satisfaction.The constant search for the immediate satisfaction of our desires, the throwaway experiences and the commodification of personal relationships. Hence the notion of liquid love appears, in the yes of a society that does not want to show strong and lasting emotions, but prefers to jump from flower to flower in pursuit of fleeting and anodyne pleasures. It is the multitasking mode applied to the world of relationships.

The virtual world and its influence on the rise of ephemeral love

Perhaps the emergence of social networks and new technologies has played a role in consolidating this trend that many people suffer from. We live in a world in constant change, where the virtual and the real are confused with astonishing ease.

Sometimes this can make even the most sensitive people despair, because the high pace of life makes it difficult for them to keep up with the pace of life.The high pace of life makes it very difficult for us to connect with other people on an emotional level.

Mercantile values, mercantile loves

If we maintain relationships with an expiration date, it is because society pushes us to do so, to have weaker and weaker bonds.to have ever weaker and more flexible ties, to put down few roots wherever we go. That is how we are educated, that is how we are. We teach children that they can have toys and gadgets at their disposal. gadgets We are introducing them into a mercantile culture where one should only feel motivated by the rewards one obtains in exchange for one's work, thus annulling the intrinsic motivations and genuine tastes of each person.

This promotes the feeling that not only objects but also people are consumable, and therefore objectifies potential sexual partners. That person we are attracted to is nothing more than a piece of meat to be tasted, and it is not necessary for us to care about their longings, concerns, needs, tastes.... how are we going to connect emotionally with someone if we are only interested in having something carnal?

Liquid love and commodification

Another of the great pillars on which liquid love is based is the reification of people. That is, the tendency to perceive and value people as objects, things. Means, after all, to achieve an end: physical pleasure, social acceptance by others, etc.

Liquid love would be conveyed through reification because it gives the opportunity to create relationships that are largely disposable. Therefore, flexibility in relating to other people would go hand in hand with a lack of empathy towards them.

Possible reflections to put liquid love in check

Obviously, the scale of values of our societies must be fought in order to combat liquid love and its undesirable effects on our well-being. on our well-being. Human beings are not objects waiting to be consumed: we think, we yearn, we fail, we feel... To begin to subvert the established order, it is necessary to start valuing ourselves more, and to feel that we are worthy of being respected and valued, in the same way as any other individual.

Liquid love can be fun but it is also ephemeral, which can leave us with a feeling of existential emptiness. Consumerist people are always eager to buy more things, but that doesn't make them happy because the material always ends up fading away. Do we want to be consumerist with personal relationships as well?

Causes of liquid love

1. Insecurity

One of the causes of liquid love is insecurity and lack of self-esteem. If we do not perceive ourselves as fully capable and worthy of having a serious, loyal and deep relationship, it is difficult for us to find a person who does want to maintain a close bond with us.

2. Low self-esteem

Following the previous point, insecurity and poor self-esteem are two sides of the same coin. If we are only pursuing momentary satisfaction of our need to relate, it is because we are not emotionally mature enough to make deep contact with the person we are attracted to. We don't want to jeopardize our emotional well-being by giving ourselves to someone too quickly.This is fine, but it can hurt us if we take it to an extreme and put on a shell in front of others.

Instead, if we trust in ourselves we can move forward little by little, noticing what the other person's desires are and being able to develop good feelings in a reciprocal way, with more lasting and stable relationships. The commitment well understood is born from the union of interests and tastes, and also from tenderness.and also from the tenderness that both people have for each other.

3. Slavery

If we want to be happier, says Bauman, we have to be inspired by two universal values: freedom and security.. To shun slavery is to recognize that the two values mentioned above must coexist in harmony. That is the key to love and one of the maxims for a sentimental couple to work.