Narcissistic personality, a disease?

Do you know someone with a narcissistic personality?

Everyone, at some time in life, we have come across people who are difficult to deal with, who seem to systematically want to place themselves above others, setting themselves up as an example of almost anything that takes place in the environment where they are move, and even with an unusual tendency to maintain a contemptuous treatment of those around them. They have what we might call a narcissistic personality.

• For possible different reasons the narcissistic people They have not enjoyed the necessary and genuine dose of love sufficient for the development of a healthy mental life that incorporates the ability to recognize the other and their internal states (empathy).
• The basic needs for affection are replaced by the need for admiration and it leads them to develop a personality in which the natural exchange of recognition does not take place.
• In order to help someone in whom this type of relational functioning predominates, it is necessary that a part of the person realizes it and asks to be helped. The insurances have a wide medical staff of specialists in psychology and psychiatry.

Undoubtedly, for all those who interact with these types of people on a daily basis and who do not belong to their intimate circle, their presence quickly becomes uncomfortable. You tend to feel that you are being put in a position of inferiority and no one likes that. If it also turns out that the person holds a position of power, the situation can become unbearable.

It is easy to see that these types of people have no interest in others or their inner life and therefore establish relationships in which they seek to be admired. In a natural way, they do not come close to people or feel that longing since they have not developed that capacity.

Admiration vs recognition

Human beings are relational beings, this means that without interaction with others we could not develop. We have all needed someone to support us in the earliest stages of life when we were completely dependent. This sustenance has, of course, occurred at a physiological level when, for example, the mother has taken care of breastfeeding or sheltering us, but it has also occurred at a mental level, since the mother, the father, and other reference adults They have provided interaction experiences where we have been recognized, that is, someone has been in charge of recognizing our internal states and responding to them for us until we have been able to do it for ourselves. This recognition of which I speak is an incipient form of love that all human beings need to some extent to survive and to be able at the same time to develop the ability to recognize others and their internal states.

Supply the lack of love

In the case of narcissists These primary experiences of recognition by someone have not taken place in a satisfactory way. Maybe your mother was very cold or depressed or distressed, who knows. The fact is that for different possible reasons these people have not enjoyed the necessary and genuine dose of love sufficient for the development of a healthy mental life that incorporates the ability to recognize the other and their internal states (empathy). Having been deprived of this type of affective quality interactions, the potential narcissistic learns to meet that need for genuine recognition through behaviors that seek to attract the gaze of the other, the mother, the father and in the future others. There is then a kind of confusion, the basic needs for affection are replaced by the need for admiration and this leads him to develop a personality in which the natural exchange of recognition so necessary to feel in tune with others does not take place. .

Latent depressive

It should not be forgotten that, due to this fact, the narcissist is unatente, that is, someone whose personality has developed on top of, in the words of the British Hungarian-born psychoanalyst and biochemist Michael Balint, a basic fault. This means that there is a structural void, something necessary that was not obtained and that had to be replaced by something else to ensure the mental survival of the individual.

Can someone with a narcissistic personality help?

In order to help someone in whom this type of relational functioning predominates, it is necessary that a part of the person realizes it and asks to be helped. Like all those of psychological origin, narcissism can occur in different degrees. It will not be the same, therefore, someone who works partially in this way as someone whose personality is totally based on this functioning. So the most important thing is to be attentive to the extent to which the person recognizes their difficulty in healthy bonding and use that feeling of lack to be able to transform this fact into a demand for help.

Is it risky to live with a narcissist?

The narcissistic personality Its main characteristic is the search for admiration and this tendency can be accompanied by that of placing others in a lower place. The intimate relationship with a narcissist will be determined by a defined positioning in the relationship of both him or her and the other. People who establish intimate ties with narcissists are often situated in a relational place of dependency or submission, as their needs could not otherwise be met. The degree of power given to the narcissistic it can vary depending on the social role you play and this can mean that those around you suffer the consequences. Therefore, we must be alert and learn to protect ourselves. Sometimes, depending on the predominance or not of healthy aspects, it will be convenient to move away from the relationship to preserve our own integrity, while other times, it will be convenient to moderate the contact and in the cases of better prognosis, perhaps, the narcissist begins a process of psychotherapy and transformation that leads him to modify his way of relating. Unfortunately, the latter cases are rare.