Overcome resentment

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ...

• Wondering whether it makes sense or useful to hold onto resentment is one of the first things to assess.
• Trying to put yourself in the other person's shoes can help you better understand the situation and begin to resolve it.
• If we are not able to cope or handle it, or with the help of close people, it may be useful to consult a specialist.

Its appearance repeatedly produces the anger and pain that accompany it and prevents you from fully enjoying life. It is usually kept in time due to the inability to solve it or because the person who suffers it is not willing to solve it.

To overcome resentment we can take into account the following indications:

• Reflect on the seriousness of the offense that has been perceived, and that has caused its appearance, and consider to what extent it makes sense or useful to hold on to this feeling for longer.
• Take into account the high cost to one's physical and emotional health that has the fact of harboring a negative feeling within us for a long time. Be aware that this resentment keeps us chained to the person who caused it.
• Detect what own need the person who hurt us did not take into account; for example, the need for recognition, appreciation, respect, consideration, approval or love, among others, and wondering if this need is being too high.
• Identify what we can do to improve the existing situation; that is, if any behavior can be performed to end or reduce resentment. For example, talking to the person who caused it, contrasting their point of view about what happened or even reaching a pact or agreement with them. Writing about how we feel or about what we would like to convey to the other person is an option that can be beneficial to begin to resolve the situation, especially if the possibility of speaking it directly is not contemplated.
• Examine the situation from the other person's perspective, trying to put yourself in their shoes. It is important to think if that person was aware of the damage and pain that he caused us and if that was what he intended. There may be some explanation or justification for the behavior that you displayed, for example if you are sick, tired or worried for some reason, or if you have a major problem that you do not know how to handle. It is important to think that the aggressive or inappropriate behaviors of other people are talking about the person who shows them and their difficulty to properly channel their emotions; therefore, we should not take responsibility for them.
• Review your own beliefs or thoughts, as they may be excessively rigid, perfectionist, or idealistic. It is important to ask yourself questions such as: "How should everything have happened?", "Do you feel the need for others to always act correctly?", "Are you accepting others as they are or are you demanding that they show themselves as you are or as you wish? ”.

There are times when resentment is used as a way to punish the other or to pretend that they feel guilty for their attitude. In other cases, it also produces a feeling of pity towards oneself or causes others to react by taking care of us or protecting us more. These events can cause the person not to take responsibility for their own emotion and, therefore, not face it and handle it properly, allowing it to last over time.

Owners of our emotions

If faced with resentment we believe that it is the other person who makes us feel this way, we may have to change our own point of view, since no one can force us to feel anything, it is the result of our interpretation. We are the owners of this emotion and, therefore, those in charge of solving it.

If yourself, by your own means or with the help of those closest to you, cannot overcome or resolve a certain state such as that caused by resentment, the professional help of a psychologist may be useful.