Overcome the fear of what they will say

| It is a normal and generalized fact that a person wants to feel accepted and valued by the people in their closest environment.

It is a normal and generalized fact that a person wants to feel accepted and valued by the people in their closest environment. The degree of importance attached to this need depends among other things on the style of education received, of the relationship established with other significant people, of the personal experiences lived and of the family and social environment in which each one finds himself.

It is a problem if ...

This need to feel accepted and valued can become a problem the moment it exceeds a certain limit and becomes a generalized and recurring concern, leading the person to the point of doing things like:

• Change points of view or opinions on an issue or situation to avoid confrontation and conflict. This change is not made out of conviction but to coincide with other people and adapt to them.
• Doing certain actions or making decisions seeking to satisfy the expectations of other people, but leaving aside one's own conviction.
• Constantly seeking confirmation from other people regarding what you do. Generally, for this, excessive insecurity is shown frequently asking others or waiting for them to explicitly approve the conduct carried out or the opinion expressed.
• Put other people's needs before your own in order to be pleasant or friendly.
• Behaving following the expectations of others, according to what others expect you to do or what is supposed to be correct or adequate to do in a certain situation or context, even if internally it is not shared.
• Leave your own self-esteem based on the approval and assessment of others.

In short, for fear of being questioned or these people often stop being consistent with themselves and start setting benchmarks outside of themselves. One of the main consequences for the person who is pushed into this type of behavior is frustration and loss of contact with himself, with his wants and needs and with his principles, projects and vital objectives.

How to overcome it?

To leave this unsafe operation behind, the following recommendations can be followed:

• Be aware that one is as valid as the others and therefore their opinions are also adequate. It is important to work internally to recover and enhance self-esteem, self-confidence and personal security.
• Admit that you can't like everyone or agree with everyone. There will always be someone who does not share what one decides or does and there can always be someone who does not like us. Wanting to please everyone leads to wasteful and unnecessary burnout and burnout.
• Accept and tolerate criticism naturally. Value them and learn from them when they are constructive and discard them otherwise, as something alien to oneself.
• Learn to discuss, express opinions and negotiate. Many times behind the fear of what they will say lies a lack of assertiveness, excessive shyness or a lack of other social skills.
• Reflect on why we do certain things. Detect what things are being done only with the aim of pleasing another person or which of these are done because it is "what others expect of you." You must be aware that your objective should not be "to meet the expectations that others have placed on us."
• Dare to be yourself and act as you want. It is important to be aware that we are the way we are and we have the right to show ourselves that way. Each person is a unique, unrepeatable and special being and no one has the right to restrict that freedom. Therefore, to take advantage of the personal freedom to follow one's own criteria and principles and thus face the challenge of exposing one's position even knowing that it may not be shared by others.

And, finally, it must be borne in mind that people tend to respect and value others more when they are authentic and consistent with their beliefs and principles.

• When the need to feel accepted becomes a recurring concern, we are faced with a problem.
• Being aware that you cannot be liked by everyone and that you are as valid as others can help you overcome it.
• It is important to dare to be yourself and act as you want, accept and tolerate criticism and learn to express your own opinions.