Peter Pan Syndrome: Adults trapped in Neverland

The Peter Pan Syndrome refers to adults who behave like children and do not commit themselves.

The Peter Pan Syndrome refers to those adults who continue to behave like children or adolescents adults who continue to behave like children or adolescents without being able to take responsibility for their actions and adult life.. They are people who refuse to grow up with a marked emotional immaturity tinged by a strong insecurity and a great fear of not being loved and accepted by others.

In this article we will see what is the concept of Peter Pan Syndrome, as explained by Dan Kiley.

Peter Pan Syndrome: adults trapped in childhood.

The Peter Pan are the eternal youths who disregard the demands of the real world by hiding in a world of fantasyin their land of Neverland. Trapped in it, they cannot develop the roles they have to assume, such as parent, partner or professional, as expected in adulthood. They can be recognized because many of them may be reluctant to become independent from their parents, maintain superficial and noncommittal emotional relationships, or have not yet found their place in the world of work. Like the well-known character of J.M. Barriethey are constantly flying in search of adventure but feel unable to stop their flight and achieve stability in real life.

This reluctance to grow up, more frequent in males than in femaleswas defined by the American psychologist Dan Kiley in 1983, and it is an increasingly frequent problem, because sociologically this disorder is becoming more and more chronic as a consequence of the capitalist society and immediacy, in which every day things are achieved with less effort and without the need for commitment, and in which we consume to fill the affective gaps. All this brings us immediate but ephemeral pleasure..

Thus, in the Peter Pan Syndrome there is a tension between the lifestyle linked to childhood, on the one hand, and the demands linked to adulthood, a stage characterized by the need to assume responsibilities and achieve long-term goals. The prospect of leaving behind a way of life based on play and immediacy is very hard for some people, who in some cases are reluctant to let go.The prospect of leaving behind a way of life based on play and immediacy is very hard for some people, who in some cases are reluctant to embrace this emotionally mature way of life that goes beyond egocentrism and the "here and now".

People suffering from Peter Pan Syndrome may appear carefree and happy because they live by the maxim of Carpe Diembut when looking into their life or person, feelings of loneliness and dissatisfaction emerge, accompanied by personal dependence, because they need another person by their side to satisfy their needs and make them feel protected. This person who is in charge of satisfying their needs is usually their parents, older siblings or partner.

Consequences of the Peter Pan Syndrome

The consequences of PPS result in significant emotional disturbances, with high levels of anxiety, depression and depression being frequent.s, being frequent the high levels of anxiety and sadness. sadnessand can lead to depression. They also feel unfulfilled with their lives, since they do not take responsibility for their actions and do not feel their achievements as their own (internal locus of control).internal locus of control) which has a direct impact on the individual's self-esteem.

In addition, people with PPS often feel misunderstood feel misunderstood It is difficult for them to become aware of their problem and they ignore that they suffer from it until a critical situation arises and they realize that their way of behaving and facing the world is not effective or is anomalous with respect to that of the rest of their peers.

Adults who do not assume responsibilities

At the relational level, difficulties also arise due to lack of commitment and high demands on others.. Generally, the Peter Pan person seems self-confident, even arrogant, but as we mentioned before, behind it hides a low self-esteem. He enjoys many personal qualities such as creativity and ingenuity and is generally a good professional. In addition, he strives to arouse the admiration and recognition of the people around him. But although socially they may be leaders appreciated for their ability to have fun and liven up the atmosphere, in intimacy they display their demanding, intolerant and distrustful side. So it could be summed up with the phrase: "a leader outside and a tyrant at home.a leader outside and a tyrant at home".

At the level of love relationshipsMany of them are bachelors who become ladies' man because of their great capacity for seduction, and go from one relationship to another constantly. Those who have a partner can create superficial relationships, staying for years without committing much. Many meet the "Dark Triad" profile.

Also a candidate to act like Peter Pan is the boy who goes effortlessly from being the object of affection of the mother to that of the partner or wife. In this case, since he never gets to be alone, he does not learn to take charge of his life.

Signs of Peter Pan Syndrome

In order to be able to recognize Peter Pan, I will present the most characteristic signs:

• Although adults have reached their thirties or are even in their forties, they continue to behave like little children. they continue to behave like little children.

• They feel a great need great need for attention from those around them.

• Their attitude is centered on receiving, asking for and criticizing and does not bother to give or do for others. They want to be given what they ask for or else they get angry, because they do not tolerate frustration.

• He lives centered on himself and on his problems without worrying too much about what happens to those around him.

• He feels constant dissatisfaction with what he has, but acts to solve his situation, wants to have it all but does not make any effort to get it.

• Considers commitment as an obstacle to freedom.

• He does not take responsibility for his actions but expects others to do it for him. In addition blames others for what is not going well.

• Hides behind excuses or lies to disguise his inability to grow up.

• He is very attracted to youth, idealized vital stage for the subject with PPS.

• Fear of loneliness.

• High insecurity and low self-esteem.

Causes of Peter Pan Syndrome

The Peter Pan syndrome, like most psychological phenomena, is probably due to the effect of multiple factors, such as dependent or avoidant personality traits, style of coping with problems, or educational patternsHowever, it seems that the most important factor in this maladjustment is the life history of one's own childhood; a very happy and carefree childhood that can be idealized by the person with PPS or, on the contrary, a very unhappy and disaffected one.

In the first case, the syndrome seeks to perpetuate the happy moments by living in a constant childhood that he/she refuses to overcome, while in the second case the function of the syndrome is to to recover the stolen childhoodthrough the freedom that comes with being an adult.

"Growing up": redefining the concept

Growing up as a person is part of the natural development of human beings, but that does not mean it is easy. Being an adult requires deciding to grow up and adopt values and goals in life. It also requires giving up some things to achieve the goal, taking responsibility for one's mistakes and tolerating frustration on a daily basis.

Growing up does not mean losing the child in us.If we do not let it out occasionally, we become too rigid, but we should not let the child dominate and hinder the adult's life, as in the case of the Peter Pan. A relationship of understanding and affection between the adult and the inner child is essential, because to mature successfully consists of is to maintain a balance between both parts of the person.

The 'Wendy Syndrome' also exists

Where there is a Peter Pan there is a WendyDo you want to know Wendy's personality profile of Wendy? We explain it to you in the following article:

"Wendy syndrome: people who need the approval of others".

Bibliographical references:

• Craig, G. & Baucum, D. (2001). Psychological Development. New York: Pearson Education.
• Kiley, D. (1983) The Peter Pan Syndrome: Men Who Have Never Grown Up. New York: Dodd Mead.
• Papalia, D.; Wendkos, S. & Duskin, R. (2005). Psychosocial development in middle adulthood. Human development. Mexico City: McGraw Hill.